Worried about life just passing me by

[Bananas85]

Does anyone else think about life just passing by and all the things you're missing? On paper I have a good life - lovely family, good job, great friends, nice house, great holidays but I can't help feeling that I'm missing out on life.
I get absolutely fed up with daily tedious tasks like having to think of meals to cook; doing the washing; no matter how often you clean its back to being a mess in a few days; having to go to work all the time and being restricted to only 5 weeks holiday per year. I find the whole thing just boring and think of all the amazing things in the world that I'm not experiencing day to day.
My parents have always been so content with life and I've always admired that but I don't think that I've ever felt like that - I'm always thinking of the next thing, what can I do, where can I go etc.
Does anyone have any advice on how to be more content in life?

What are the amazing things that you aren’t doing?

In the main this is a mindset thing.

I was 40 last year and have started to feel the same. I got promotion last week - a job I have wanted for 10 years but feel weirdly flat about it. I met a woman last night who is taking her children out of school for a year to go and travel the world and I felt so jealous. My kids are lovely and my husband and I get on OK and I enjoy my job (which is also incredibly rewarding) but am just a bit meh. Midlife crisis?!

I get bored easily, always have done so have spent a life trying things. Lots of dangerous things when I was young, like peering over the edge of a mountain and jumping off cliffs in to the sea. As I age and my health has let me down plus if I break a bone now it could be a lot worse, so no more riding motorbikes and playing hockey.

We run out of firsts as we age, that’s what I feel so now my firsts are gentler. I have tried many types of dance classes and art classes for instance.

Life is unfortunately too much emptying the dishwasher. I remain positive when doing that dull chore and listen to music. It is a bit of a mindset but repetition is generally dull. I am also lucky enough to be surrounded by good company and that makes a huge difference.

@Thinkingfrog I don't even know, I find I'm most happy when I'm on holiday so I just wish I could be on holiday full time (which is obviously not very practical haha).

@Ibwah I'm the same age (well 41 this year) so maybe it is a midlife crisis of sorts. Congratulations on the promotion though that's great :)

@ViciousCurrentBun I'm the same - I love adrenaline activities, sky diving, white water rafting, canyoning etc, they all give me great buzz but I dont get to do them very often.
I try and keep occupied and have tried all sorts over the years with my favourites at the minute being dance classes, padel and the gym (well I wouldn't say that's a favourite but I'm hoping to get stronger to protect my body as I age).

Yes but that travelling around the world can only happen for her because other people are doing boring things like cleaning the planes she will fly on, cooking in the kitchens of the restaurants she will eat in, running the stalls in the “fabulous local markets” that she’ll inevitably find.

What Im trying to say is there’s boredom everywhere but there can be wonder everywhere too if you look for it.Change your routine, go see a play you’ve never read the reviews for, take a city break in the UK to a place you’ve never been before etc.

On holidays I always tell myself “today Im going to see something Ive never seen before” because it’s true - I will. There’s no reason that cant be the same at home.

No I don't, I do think it's definitely mindset. I'm also 40 and have just watched three people die we love, one after the other, in a short space of time. It's really given me the perspective to appreciate what I do have and the people in my life and make the most of it. My mum died at 65, which is only 25 years away, so I don't want to waste a minute hoping for more, as who knows when it will all be over.

I can't be bothered to work really but I've reframed it in my mind that without it, I'd not be able to live the life I do and have the house we do. Even things like running my son back and forward to his sport and games, it's exhausting but how much we chat and bond is worth it. I hope one day when I'm no longer here, he will appreciate that time we had together.

The last three years were pretty crap for us, this year I've filled it with fun things I wanted to do - going to see a comedian I love, festival, holidays and concerts.

Realistically you're never going to do all the fun things in the world, but you could sit and write a bucket list of the things you really want to do and do one as often as you have the time and finances.

Outsource the tedious things if you have the finances, get a cleaner if you can. Make sure others in the house are pulling their weight if they are old enough. If your children are only young then you will have more freedom as they are older. I've now got two teens and an adult who are all more independant and it's given us more time and freedom too.

Edited for using the wrong your.

I'm 48 and have decided to suck it up.

There's nothing I ever wanted to achieve. No job I hoped to do. I have no special skills or talents.

So I crack on with the dishwasher and laundry. I do walk the dogs in the woods and enjoy the spring air and all of the 'look for the wonder in the small things' stuff and I exercise constantly and eat well and enjoy looking after body and mind.

But now my children are about to leave home I am basically empty of motivation!

Even holidays have lost their lustre since I now have reflux and can't enjoy eating out at night.

I saw a poem the other day that was about how life is so short and how 'I'll never be a poet in Berlin or a flower grower in Amsterdam'. And I thought, god how exhausting to have all that wander lust. It makes me tired thinking about it 😂

People often only learn to be content in life when something goes wrong.
A bereavement, illness or some other serious upset can often make you really appreciate the days where nothing happened.

Those days when you get up, mow the lawn, take the kids to the park, cook dinner, watch a film together. Those are the good times that whizzed by whilst you were thinking of the next thing.

Could you try building in a bit of buzz? Once a month something that will make your heart race? Then try to drop one thing a day that makes your heart sink. Sod dusting the living room - go for a walk. The dust doesn't matter.

This is a really good poem. https://gladdestthing.com/poems/the-orange

Yes and I am 51 in a job I hate , can’t afford nice holidays (and like you that’s the only time I actually do feel happy) , small house , 11 yr old DD with school fees and mortgage for another 15 years . No time or money for any social life. Feel totally financially trapped and unhappy. Life is definitely passing me by. Most of my friends don’t have kids and are living their best lives.

You are not alone in feeling this way. I watched an interview with Michelle Obama recently and she said something about this that stick with me. Hopefully it’s helpful to you as well:

Me! I hear you - I’m in my 50’s no friends 3 children all with send, husband that works away alot
no family either
i just feel like what’s the point of life as I can’t enjoy it… don’t ever get a day off no break nothing 🤯
I always think life seems to happen to other people and here is me
I don’t think social media helps though tbh and I have to step away from it a lot

Enjoy the small things.

We are bombarded on TV and social media with all the things we could do and forget to simply enjoy the things we can do. And SM encourages us to make unhealthy comparisons with the lives of others.

I am recovering from heart surgery and would give my right arm to just be able to go for a walk, but I am trying to take delight in the small things as these could be all I have now. If I spend my time thinking about the things I want to do but know I can't I would be a miserable cow! I am trying very hard not to be that person!

It's really hard, isn't it. The feeling of needing to be "always on" and the tyranny of choice.

I remember a thread a while back about jobs. All the corporate types wanted to retrain as social workers or teachers.

All the teachers wanted to retrain as accountants

The accountants wanted to be teachers or social workers etc etc.

Sometimes I worry about my life being too small. I do a few voluntary things, and have one hobby.

Fortunately never wanted to "travel" beyond regular holidays.

We take four x weekly holidays a year - evenly spread.

We never feel guilty about treating ourselves to coffees on motorway service stations either..

I turned 50 in December and I’ve just passed my race licence test! My kids have just reached adulthood so I see this time now as my time to do all the things I didn’t get time to do before I had kids. No way I’m going to let life pass me by and I’ve always dreamed of being a racing driver, so now I’m making it happen.
Now I’m not suggesting everyone should jump behind the wheel of a race car, but you absolutely should find something new to try, or an old thing to start up again. Challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something for yourself. Raising my kids was the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, but I’m so excited about the prospect of being able to pursue my own dreams again, just this time with my husband and kids there to support me.

Remind yourself that there are people like me - dysfunctional stressful family, awful low-paid stressful job, no friends, horrible dirty messy cluttered falling-apart house, no holidays.
Remind yourself of all the nice things you have, sounds like you’ve got a great life, not sure what you’re missing out on.

In my experience people seem to be living their best lives when they're older in their 50s and 60s.

“Chop wood, carry water” is a Zen saying about basically finding the beauty or spiritual in every day tasks/living. It’s not about the destination but more about the journey. Thing is, it’s something you never really master so you have to keep reminding yourself. My mother and I used to joke “Cleaning the toilet is soooo enlightening”

I feel like this a lot. Ive always been so in awe of the world, mine is all related to travel.

I feel i am missing out on all these amazing views, waterfalls,wildlife. I want to see mountains in China, lakes in Canada, sunsets in Thailand, I'll never life long enough to cover even half the things I want to see.

But I realise how fortunate I am to even have the chance to experience even some of it. I see people who live in poorer countries and they have no chance of getting to see anywhere so I have to be grateful that I can see some of it.

I thought to myself one day, if I break my life up into 3 sections how much is realistically going to be amazing?

I figure if over your lifetime you can have around 20% amazing times/travelling etc, 20% unhappy, ill health/ grieving times then it's pretty fair to expect that 60% will be pretty standard and general everyday life and that's OK.

I make sure we prioritise travel and holidays in our budget and each year we tick things off our lists, I'm 41 and been to many places but there is so many more to go, hopefully if I live to 80 I'll have a huge chunck ticked off my list all being well.
If you have kids then it's fair to say these years will be more of the regular monotonous routines but look at your life as a whole, there will be many opportunities to do amazing things.

One good thing I started to do was at the end of the year before you make a list of resolutions make a list of the things you have done that year,( look at your camera roll because you seriously forget half of it). When you see it all added up then you think yeah I did a lot of great things this year (as long as you have made the effort to do them).

Failing that then say sod it, buy a campervan and head off into the sunset!

I do, sometimes. It just seems a waste that the best years of my life (in terms of health and mobility) are spent working! I mean, I do enjoy my job and most of the people that I work with, but there's a lot more to life than work. It's just that there is too much to cram into my annual leave and weekends off, and in that time, I have jobs that need doing at home!

Would something like those meal boxes (Gousto, HelloFresh, etc.) be an option to save you from thinking up meals to cook and, to some extent, the shopping? Could you afford a weekly cleaner to keep the house cleaner in between you doing it? Can you afford to do these things that you're missing out on in your time off, even if it means doing it on your own? That way you won't be sat in a care home when you're old, regretting all of the things that you didn't do (my motivation in life!).

Do try to enjoy the small things, because there's beauty to be had in that, and you do sound fortunate in comparison to some others. Take every opportunity that life gives you. Learn new things. Make an achievable list of the things that you want to tick off that year, and look back over the year that you've had. Statistically speaking, you're probably going to have a long life, so you don't need to do everything now, but you'll get there in the end.

Travel is such a hassle these days with airport queues, long walks, delays, passport control issues and the uncertainty around timings and so on, the cost of getting to the airport, parking, packing, insurance etc. Then when you get there it's rammed, too hot, too many queues, got to be on the ball and book tickets for everything in advance, search for a hotel in the area you want, you get the drift. Travel is becoming a job in itself! Not everyone can get a personal travel mentor/adviser or a personal chauffeur/carrier of bags.

I am well travelled by now in my late 60s. I did it when I was younger, and half forget all the places, and certainly don't remember the scrapes I got into in pre internet and mobile phone days and so on. Having said that, I do think that travel today, despite all the tech advances is far more difficult now, there's too much choice, and it's very easy to make the wrong one!

As for life itself, I am not sitting down and vegetating now, but I'll tell you one thing, as you get a bit older, a sort of contentment happens. Primarily to know I'm still alive, when siblings, friends and acquaintances are no longer here sadly. Makes you appreciate the simpler things, and it's a great excuse for being lazy and refusing to do things for the sake of doing them because it's what so and so says you should do!

Oh and with Google maps, AI tools and so on, you can see all the sites in the world and more, and can walk around it too in virtual reality. No need to get up off the couch!

I disagree so much! I don't need life to be exciting all the time. I just need SOME excitement, from time to time. To feel alive. A life that is mostly bland with some exhilarating moments is, for me, the perfect life.
But getting these exhilarating moments from time to time is HARD. And no, a beautiful sunset and a lovely walk and a good book don't make up for those moments that are scary, intense, new. That leave me reeling for days afterwards, that make life feel a bit bigger (even if it's an illusion).
Not everyone needs that, but lots of people do. And I really want to find ways to satisfy this hunger from time to time.

Im totally content with life but I do have a good work life balance. I do most of the housework on my day off in the week (obviously not an option for a full time worker), outside most weekends on walks, days out, so try to keep mundane tasks to the minimum at the weekend. Happy with two holidays a year (usually one Med, one uk break).

I used to really want to go to faraway places and see everything (Australia, Hawaii etc used to be on the list). 40’s now and not bothered at all. Being with my DH and kids in our favourite places (usually just a couple of hours on the plane) is enough for me. Perhaps later in life will get the travel bug again but I just appreciate how lucky I am to be able to have a holiday every year and enjoy that time. Are you present in the moment when you are on holiday or out with your family?

When it comes to the mundane things, make a list of everything that needs to be done daily/weekly. Timer method really works with cleaning - set the timer and beat it cleaning the room. I think it focuses your mind and you get it done quicker. Phone away when your doing stuff at home so not distracted by messages/emails which just make it drag out longer. Are you a full time worker? If there is an option to cut down to 4 days, just having that extra day makes such a difference to the weekends.

I feel the same, work so hard to break even and lucky to get a holiday due to cost of things. Would love to be able to travel everywhere as that’s something I’ve really missed out on. In my mid 40s and feel like I’m running out of time and am exhausted either way just day to day life. I am grateful and happy to have a boring simple life though if it means we all stay healthy