Worried about life just passing me by

[Bananas85]

Does anyone else think about life just passing by and all the things you're missing? On paper I have a good life - lovely family, good job, great friends, nice house, great holidays but I can't help feeling that I'm missing out on life.
I get absolutely fed up with daily tedious tasks like having to think of meals to cook; doing the washing; no matter how often you clean its back to being a mess in a few days; having to go to work all the time and being restricted to only 5 weeks holiday per year. I find the whole thing just boring and think of all the amazing things in the world that I'm not experiencing day to day.
My parents have always been so content with life and I've always admired that but I don't think that I've ever felt like that - I'm always thinking of the next thing, what can I do, where can I go etc.
Does anyone have any advice on how to be more content in life?

I’m the same but I do make the most of day to day and try to cram as much into life as I can even if it’s exhausting at times. I’ve had my share of grief and being with rubbish men but now I just make the most of every opportunity that comes my way. I agree travel is so wonderful and fills my heart with joy

Girl same 🥺

I had a decent dollop of grief and it has made me appreciate the good days so so much. I think it caused a real shift in my mindset. I was always very restless but now I really enjoy the day to day. I am very confident in my ability to recover from anything and creating a real good life for myself from an situation so I really focus on enjoying the small things and having lots of big things to look forward to as well.

I find it interesting how the one thing that keeps coming up on this thread is travel and all the places people want to go/ things people want to see.

I do enjoy going on holiday and experiencing new places. I went to Japan recently and it was incredible. But I don't know that it made me feel more fulfilled in my life. I definitely don't think that cramming my year with loads of trips like that would make me a happier person. It would be fun, sure, I'd see and do some great things, but I don't know that it would change my basic happiness.

Really, what you come home to is what matters. Most people's lives involve quite a lot of mundane things. It doesn't really bother me, I really am generally just happy. I've engineered my life to be what I want it to be (more or less, obviously it's not perfect). I'm not massively rich, I don't have perfect family etc, but it's good, I love it, and I just keep on with it.

I suppose there's an underlying ability to accept what isn't perfect and the limitations of a normal life - but I usually just think if XYZ was different, it probably wouldn't make me that much happier anyway. Then, I go empty the dishwasher and get on with my day.

A friend always reminds me that in our late teens I once said to her “we are filling time until we die”. And it’s true.

Practice mindfulness.
Find pleasure in small things.
Seize the day.
Be thankful for what you’ve got.

In my 60’s now. In hospital. A small win is having a successful poo on a bed pan and my ambition is to get home to my dog and sit in the conservatory with a glass of chilled Chardonnay.

Don’t waste your time regretting things.

You are so right, hope you get well soon ❤️‍🩹

@WildGarden this is so true. OP’s life sounds a lot like mine and I consider it to be blissful. After a life altering, horrific series of events with my child which they and my husband and I will feel the ramifications of forever, slower and happier days are a privilege I will never ever take for granted. It isn’t sappy to say we notice the joy in everything and are grateful because there was a time we would have given anything to live a slow, peaceful and healthy life, it’s just the truth.

I think Mary Oliver's poem wild geese is brilliant if you're in this type of mood.

I totally feel the same, good job, great kids, everyone healthy, enough to get by comfortably and have a decent holiday each year but I used to have a very exciting life - travelling and working all round the world, so many adventures - but since having kids Ive been static for 17 years and feel like a Ive done nothing in comparison that I’ll remember. Days just blend in now chores, work, animals and taxiing and living through the kids. It’s all lovely but my anecdotes are increasingly about stuff from 20 years ago. Someone lent me a book called the art of making memories or something like that - by Meik Wiking which I actually thought was quite good and am putting some of it in action because if you don’t remember the ‘small things’ it’s like they didn’t happen…

Me too!
full time work
2 kids
domestic chores endless
no social life/friends really since kids very young as no time or energy (ditto hobbies that aren’t a few crafty bits I do at home)
exhaustion +++

But which part do you disagree with? Because it seems to me like you are describing the exciting moments in life and she describing the quiet times in between the exciting moments. She is not saying that you shouldn’t have the excitement that you crave, she is saying that in between these exciting moment there are other moments which are not…as exciting. And it will serve people well to just feel happy and content in those times.

Every so often I feel like this, but then I remind myself how incredibly lucky I am, and how amazing my life really is compared to some. I try to teach my children gratitude, for the fact that we are all healthy, we have enough food to eat, enough money not just for the basics but for holidays and treats. We have grandparents and other family to enjoy things with.
Yes sometimes it’s a bit boring and each week looks the same as the one before, but it could all fall apart tomorrow. A death, an accident, serious illness, lost jobs etc.
Time flies and it only seems to get quicker, one day we will be elderly and we will look back and wonder why we didn’t appreciate what a wonderful life we had at the time!
I’d definitely recommend doing some voluntary or charity work just to see things from another perspective

I interpreted her as saying "the bland moments are life" as if we should learn to be satisfied with a life made of this. She doesn't mention excitement or anything else. And I think that's a dangerous narrative, the whole thing about "enjoying the small moments" because it implies they are enough. And they not enough for lots of people!
Lots of people will feel dead inside even though they have a perfectly good bland life, as we can see in this thread. And then these people feel guilty and "wrong" because they "shouldn't" be unhappy. But a nice quiet life is not for everyone. It may sound indulgent, and it may be indulgent but we need what we need. Respecting our needs and wants is important and women don't learn that.

My suggestion is to make list of things that you want to do & start ticking them off as completed.
Start with some small things & build up to bigger things.
Short goals
Middle goals
Long goals

The key is to actually complete some of the things.

Some things you may fail, so either start again or pick something else to do.

Examples

Start a new hobby or job (Even if it 30 minutes per day)

Join a class or course

Book a weekend away

Raise money for charity

Grow something

Read or listen to music

Find 5 things each day to be grateful for

having to go to work all the time and being restricted to only 5 weeks holiday per year

Bless your cotton socks 😂

I used to feel this way (and often still do), however a series of particularly shit things have happened to me over the last 7 years or so, including my ex H leaving me, PTSD and developing an auto immune condition.

I look back on 40 and honestly, wish I'd been more appreciative of my health/fully able body.

This is perhaps not terribly helpful, apologies, my one tip woukd be for you to build more fulfilling things into your every day life if that's possible or a new hobby, the odd night away between holidays?

I find I'm most happy when I'm on holiday
I am most happy when I am at home. Not working is a holiday for me. I do not feel I am missing out on anything but we are all different.

I always make sure I have at least one thing per week just for me which I really look forward to: meeting a friend, going to the theatre etc That makes everything else so much better.

My youngest will be 18 in four years and I imagine me going abroad to volunteer, teach English, do a remote job I can travel with etc I have no idea if I will actually do it but I love the idea and I try to save up for it.

So small things every week and a big dream in a few years really gets me away from feeling trapped and also makes me appreciate what I have at the moment because I'll miss it when I go travelling.

Thank you all for your messages, there are some great ideas to try out.
It's also nice to know that I'm not the only one to think like this - not because I want other people to feel bad but to know that it is quite normal and doesnt necessarily mean you're an ungrateful person (although hearing what some people have to go through does put things into perspective some what).

This is true, you just fall into a role of what others expect ,and you just do it....
Then after you do that you dont really know what it is that you want. I'm out of that now; I decided : Enough was enough when my EX.H started chasing the local tarts. I m living alone now and I sit and watch the dust settle in the room. I get up, and do what I want, when I want to. Maybe something is telling you, deep down, to re- evaluate after being taken too much for granted as a domestic slave. You WILL find yourself again but it takes effort. So make that effort walk through the wall of fire. To the other side of liberation.

I could have written this myself I’ve had my first share of rough times cumulating in my ex dying and leaving me to bring up my son alone. I have a fab job lots of friends a happy child and a nice partner I go abroad several times a year. I’ve appreciated the mundane routine after a chaotic ten years with my alcoholic ex but now I’m just bored !!! My son is getting more independent and needs me less and I’m not looking forward to the next chapter of just me and my partner . He is nice and dependable but I can’t remember the last time we laughed . I feel at my most alive when travelling new cultures experiences I’d love to try living abroad but now we re out the Eu that’s harder. I’ve just messaged an old flame from nearly 25 years ago we met in Asia when i was a carefree backbacker and he was on holiday we carried on the romance for a yesr flying back and forth between European cities . A few years back he told ne it was one of his best holidays so I’ve messaged him as I’m going on a girls trip to where he lives. Life’s too short I need some excitement . Im not planning on cheating I just want a chance to remember the girl I was in my 20s “I’m just reading your life begins when you realise you only have one “ lots of good ideas in there

I deal with it by realising that it's just a normal human way to be, so doesn't mean I'm actually doing life wrong. And thinking about all the possible lives that I could have ended up living (Victorian scullery maid, Spartan Helot, etc) and realising this one is near the top of the list, whatever its shortcomings. And being so glad I live in a world with hot water, central heating and the astonishing array of food there is every time I step into my local supermarket. And also are there things I want to change that are realistic?

Totally agree I’ve always had a need for those y she your breath a way moments which I get from travelling seeing the Taj mahak and the hairs in my BF I standing up and a new born gorilla in te wild that’s what I live for

Awe and wonder are available everywhere if you look for them. Your 40s statistically is when you feel the lowest, it picks up again in your 50s. I read something yesterday that it’s being in the moment that makes something a good memory, not the thing you’re doing. You could be doing the most awesome thing in the world and if your mind is distracted it makes it hard for your brain to lay down the memory of what is happening to you as you aren’t focussed on it. You have to be able to focus for at least 15 seconds apparently.

There are so many interesting things to do in the UK, probably an hour or less from your home and I bet you haven’t done them all. It’s the bank holiday next weekend - why not challenge yourself to go and do something new without the unachievable condition it needs to be on the other side of the world? Something I’m really interested in is Neolithic sites and there’s loads all around us!

@CoralOP that's what we have done, we have a Motorhome. We have a 2 week trip planned from 7 May. We then have two 6 weeks trips and then up to 12 weeks in January. We have retired which is why it’s possible. @Bananas85 you are right I was a bit of an adrenaline junkie, DH has done much more than me, he has a little scar on his chin from white water rafting and has been to over 150 countries, canoed down the Amazon and trekked through the jungle in Malaysia, camped in Africa, did the Trans Siberian railway.

Yesterday we went to a friends for lunch and learned a new card game, it was great fun and that’s more my firsts these days.