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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Girlfriend, Baby Mum & Dirty little secret….

38 replies

SShelby · 25/04/2026 09:15

So…. Interesting ones you you beautiful ladies this morning. Me and my partner has a stunning 3yo daughter together, long storey short, over two years ago we split up he moved back into his parents and things got messy when I had social services and police on my door step saying I was a bad mum ect, after showing them a whole shipping container of evidence said ex partner got himself arrested for DA, and I was told I was actually a good mum and not to worry this happens more than you would think, police and social services were amazing, it’s belived to be his mother who started all of this by trying to have my daughter taken off me which let’s be fair backfired as her son then got arrested. Months later I had the charges dropped and said ex sorted his life out (well so I thought) a few months after that we got back together, he wasn’t drinking or taking god knows what up his nose… if you know you know. 2 years down the line everything has been great, although he doesn’t live her as I like my space 😂 I am now pregnant again, then…. Apparently a leopard can’t change its stops!! Comes to my attention that he has told no one, his family parents literally everyone in his life is completely unaware that we have being back together for the last 2 years. He is now making every excuse up not to tell them we have another child on the way. I presume this is because he’s being keeping me a dirty little secret for the last 2 years. AIBU for being pee’d off over this?!

OP posts:
HoldMyWine · 25/04/2026 09:19

Oh well wait for social services to be knocking on your door again. Like you said a leopard doesn’t change its spots. 🤷‍♀️

OttersOnAPlane · 25/04/2026 09:19

You're mad to take an abuser back, particularly one with addiction issues.

Get yourself to a safe space and bin him off.

DalmationalAnthem · 25/04/2026 09:20

He doesn't seem like a great boyfriend. Taking coke, getting arrested and social services needing to step in.

Just don't have him in your property and use a co parenting app for communicating.

SShelby · 25/04/2026 09:20

Can’t wait 🥴

OP posts:
EmpressaurusKitty · 25/04/2026 09:21

YABU not to have dumped him ages ago. Do it now.

Delici · 25/04/2026 09:24

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SShelby · 25/04/2026 09:25

Erm noooo he’s not living with my daughter or me!!!! Can I remind everyone to be kind? I thought this place was ment to be for mums, not for being nasty????

OP posts:
SShelby · 25/04/2026 09:31

Can I make a few things clear - yes he has being dumped the second I found out about this, yes I’m stupid for believing he changed no he isn’t living with me or my daughter and never will, my post was asking if I’m being unreasonable for being upset and maybe wanting to out him for all the lies, I belived mumsnet was a place for support not being nasty.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 25/04/2026 09:31

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DalmationalAnthem · 25/04/2026 09:33

I haven't seen nasty replies. The drug taker is best forgotten, as much as possible while having to arrange childcare contact with him.

Goodadvice1980 · 25/04/2026 09:34

Stop breeding with losers. Children deserve better.

SShelby · 25/04/2026 09:34

English is me first language but in of the gypsy/traveler community so not the best at spelling. The way I describe me daughter is how I see her, a stunning funny little girl who we love the world - it’s be odd if a mum didn’t think her children was beautiful. Yeh I know I’m the fool belong he has changed but maybe I’m a sucker for love, but safe to say that won’t be happening again. The nasty comments have being deleted by MNHQ

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 25/04/2026 09:37

YABU to be upset IMO.
You and your daughter were nearly seperated because of his abuse and his family but you actively chose to continue a relationship and get pregnant again.

You can't have your cake and eat it.

Hopefully you'll learn from this and he can go to court and get supervised access to his children and you actually cut him off. But the unfortunate reality is, he'll probably be back in your bed next week.

ChickenBananaBanana · 25/04/2026 09:39

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hellospring26 · 25/04/2026 09:41

Why e we old you have him back? Just why?

BlueSlate · 25/04/2026 09:41

It probably wasn't the best idea to get pregnant by this man again.

You're not unreasonable to he upset but you are unreasonable to have invited the drama back into your life and them be surprised that there's drama.

I don't really know what anyone can say. You chose this.

Notarealblonde · 25/04/2026 09:46

Good luck!

Schoolchoicesucks · 25/04/2026 09:49

Well done for dumping him. Please don't get back with him or someone like him again. Your daughter and new baby need consistency and stability in their lives and mum's boyfriend dramas can upset this. I often see Freedom Programme recommended on here as a tool to help women understand their worth, their boundaries, making good choices.

MudRitual · 25/04/2026 09:53

SShelby · 25/04/2026 09:25

Erm noooo he’s not living with my daughter or me!!!! Can I remind everyone to be kind? I thought this place was ment to be for mums, not for being nasty????

Mn isn’t a place where people are going to congratulate you on making decisions that put children at risk. Why would you voluntarily have a second child with an alcoholic addict domestic abuser whose mother tried to have your child removed from your care, and whom you don’t trust enough to live with? And then get cross, not because of any of that, but because he didn’t tell his family he is back in a relationship with you, which is absolutely the least of your problems?

Carlie97 · 25/04/2026 09:56

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UncannyFanny · 25/04/2026 09:56

SShelby · 25/04/2026 09:25

Erm noooo he’s not living with my daughter or me!!!! Can I remind everyone to be kind? I thought this place was ment to be for mums, not for being nasty????

You obviously don’t know the site very well.

Fgfgfg · 25/04/2026 09:58

I think some people are being a bit harsh. We all make mistakes and I'm sure you've now learnt not to have him back in your life again. He is the father and might want contact with his children so be prepared to have to have some contact with him. Don't fall for any niceness though and don't ever ever get back with him.
You've been in an abusive relationship and unfortunately it can also come from the wider family members such as his mum. It's probably a good thing that he hasn't told them about you because you don't want his mum interfering and getting social service involved again. Concentrate on your children for now and don't be a sucker for love.

Shithotlawyer · 25/04/2026 10:00

Nasty tone of superiority and classism to these replies.

OP I don't think you have made amazing choices having 2 babies with this loser guy.

I don't want to be prejudiced against your background and heritage but gypsy/traveller communities don't have an amazing culture when it comes to supporting the rights, dignity, education and independence of women. This makes it possible that you don't have the support you need - it's unfair but means you might need to put in extra work now to pull it round, to make a good life for you and your kids.

Yes it is rubbish that he didn't tell anyone about you. Forget him, work however you can to get him to financially support his children. It's likely he has another relationship or family on the go if he won't go public with yours.

Make a long term plan for work so that you can support yourself and your children - it's the only way to be really free and secure.

Fgfgfg · 25/04/2026 10:00

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Rude. Did you miss the bit where social services have taken no further action or do you just like kicking people when they're down? She knows she hasn't made the best decisions and she's also explained why her spelling and grammar isn't the best.

Carlie97 · 25/04/2026 10:02

Shithotlawyer · 25/04/2026 10:00

Nasty tone of superiority and classism to these replies.

OP I don't think you have made amazing choices having 2 babies with this loser guy.

I don't want to be prejudiced against your background and heritage but gypsy/traveller communities don't have an amazing culture when it comes to supporting the rights, dignity, education and independence of women. This makes it possible that you don't have the support you need - it's unfair but means you might need to put in extra work now to pull it round, to make a good life for you and your kids.

Yes it is rubbish that he didn't tell anyone about you. Forget him, work however you can to get him to financially support his children. It's likely he has another relationship or family on the go if he won't go public with yours.

Make a long term plan for work so that you can support yourself and your children - it's the only way to be really free and secure.

I disagree. If OP had wanted to put her kids welfare first, she wouldn't have gone and got pregnant again.