To pause location tracking when he is with me?

[Sowhatimstillarockstar9]

Morning - I am starting to come out the other side of a hard divorce with a controlling man. I had a long running thread on here for a while about his behaviour.

Anyway - he currently has life 360 set up on my son's phone. Is it reasonable of me to pause this tracking when he is with me for the whole weekend? I know he will hate it and it will create an issue but it makes me uncomfortable that he will know where we are constantly.

I'm obviously happy for him to have it when my son is in his care.

Just after other opinions. Thanks

Absolutely fine. He's not responsible for his whereabouts when he's with you.

Completely fine. I have location tracking for my DC but I have no need to check it when they're with their dad. But I could see that someone with controlling tendencies would and it would be unfair on the other parent.

I have the family link app which constantly tracks DS. I know he will say I have location tracking which can't be turned off!!

How old is ds and who pays for the phone?

As a domestic abuse victim in particular, I would say 100% turn that tracking off when your son is with you. He has no actual need to track your son while he is in your care.

I don't fully understand the differences between your tracking and his tracking but it needs to be fair. Why can you track your son wheb he's with your ex but not him? I think both of you need means of tracking that can be switched off when with the other parents

DS is 11 and I pay for the phone

I’d probably encourage Ds to leave his phone at home whenever you leave the house together? I think it’s a bit muddied by the fact you have tracking that cannot be switched off when he’s with dad

Leave the phone at home when you go out. So it shows at your house all the time, so he all gets the information , but the information is not updated.

then you don’t create conflict, but you have the upper hand

He's really done a number on you if you think it's unreasonable for your ex to track you, or track your DS when in your care! I'm glad this tech wasn't available when I was married to a man like that. YANBU.

I don't think you'll get an accurate answer because your drip feed that you track your son when he's with dad will massively skew opinions. I voted YANBU but would now say YABU. Either you both can or can't.

Either turn it off or if you also want to track him when he's with his Dad, just leave the phone at home all weekend.

I don't actively track him when he is with his dad it's the account family link that it's linked to tracks.

But yes i didn't mean to drip feed information

So this app, was it one that was on the phone when you purchased it or did you add it?

Unless You are worried your ex might use the information against you then I think it would be a lot of bother to be switching your ex’s tracking on and off and your own tracking on and off all the time. Are you sure it would be worth the hassle.
It does seem like pausing it will just end up causing a big problem when you have tracking on the phone too. I guess two separate phones with your sons shared apps would work better.

You should BOTH turn off the tracking app permanently. Problem solved.

Don’t you think he gave up the right for things to be ‘fair’ with his controlling behaviour during the marriage? If he wasn’t controlling, the OP likely wouldn’t mind that he could track their son while he was with her. Behaviour has consequences.

I'm unaware of any tracking that cannot be turned off. Worst case simply turn the phones location services off then even DS's own phone won't share it even with family. (you may need to change the parental controls to allow this to be changed)

I agree with this, OP. you’re going to get inaccurate answers. You left out a key piece of information in your OP.

No one should be tracking children they are not animals

Her abusive ex is using the tracking app as a way to monitor her. He isn’t tracking his son because he’s concerned about him, it’s another level of control over OP.

The OP has a permanent tracking app that she doesn’t use when her son is with his dad, because she isn’t abusive and controlling. If the ex is so concerned about the “fairness” of it, he can simply turn off his son’s location sharing through the phones settings when he is in his care so that the OP’s tracking doesn’t work either.

Turn it off when he is with you - if he doesn't track him/you he won't even notice. If he does track you point out calmly it is gross invasion of your privacy to track him/you when ds is in your care and that you dont even look at tracking when ds is in his care as its not your concern (even if you do tbh - its hardly relevant seeing as you have not actively caused harm to your ex in the past)

If your son was older I could see this being difficult but the simplest solution for an 11 year old is to leave it at home when he’s out with you. He can take it when he goes out with friends if you like him to have it for calling for a lift etc but when you there is zero need for him to carry it.

for the anti-trackers - it’s a personal choice we have it as a family with our teens but it works both ways, they can see where we are too. Been useful to many times. Especially to check when someone’s driving, how far they are from arriving, without messaging them - that’s my main use. And we use find-my phone which any of us could disable if we needed privacy for something.

you def can’t have it both ways. If you are tracking him at Dads then fair he does at yours. Or neither.

Totally agree. In fact I don’t get the need for all this tracking nonsense at all.

You should turn it off when he's with you. And when he's with your ex, you shouldn't track your DS.