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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How should I raise classroom behaviour upsetting my reception age daughter?

38 replies

SMLSML · 23/04/2026 17:54

I'll probably get flamed for this on either side for this but need some advice. My 5 year old girl is in reception and since January has been saying a boy in her class has been slapping her hands for attention and shoving his hoodie over her head when they're sat on the carpet. I get kids can be kids but I think this boy has SEN (from behaviour in the playground and his time out space) which I completely appreciate, however how do I explain this to my daughter who feels upset each time this happens and doesn't understand why he doesn't stop when she asks him to.

I've held off speaking to the teachers about it so far but she's come home fairly upset about it today so after any tips on how to approach it? They're in the same groups for a lot of things and my friend who has a SEN child says this can often happen so he can see role model behaviour which I totally understand but equally I don't want my child getting hurt/feeling upset each day in class 🥺 I understand it's a tricky situation and I hope I've worded all this okay! Any advice much appreciated 💗

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 23/04/2026 17:55

Has she talked to the teacher about it?

Metromayhem · 23/04/2026 17:56

Quiet word with the teacher, ask them to move her to different groups. See how things are in a couple of weeks.

PeloMom · 23/04/2026 17:57

You must speak to the teacher. Not put this on your 5 yr old DD to deal with

TheLivelyCat · 23/04/2026 17:58

As a parent on an SEN child, I would speak to the teacher if its upsetting your DD. Get schools perspective on it, and maybe ask for your DD to be sat elsewhere in class. The by may be doing it in "play" but that doesn't mean it is ok if your DD is becoming upset.

stewstewstew · 23/04/2026 17:59

bridgetreilly · 23/04/2026 17:55

Has she talked to the teacher about it?

She's 5! The teacher should be noticing and making sure it doesn't keep happening.
Yes say something OP, your dd should be able to enjoy her time at school.

Bobbybobbins · 23/04/2026 18:01

Definitely speak to the teacher ‘my DD has mentioned to me that x has happened several times and she feels uncomfortable….’

Tulipsriver · 23/04/2026 18:04

You need to talk to the teacher. It might not be this child's fault, but the teacher is responsible for keeping all the children safe and comfortable at school.

Conkersinautumn · 23/04/2026 18:05

When the teacher has time (i know, i know) show your child you are advocating for her. With your daughter there explain what has happened, how it makes her feel and ask the teacher to tell/ show her how she wants her to react/ handle these situations. So 1. You know and your daughter has had an explanation of how to deal, then you can remind her and she may feel more enabled to speak up when it gets to her.

LemonTreeGrove · 23/04/2026 18:07

4 months is a long time for her to put up with this without you speaking to the teacher yet.

LittleMissClutter · 23/04/2026 18:29

Definitely speak to the teacher about it.

As for how to explain SEN to your child, you could maybe ask the teacher for advice on that.

But make sure to be crystal clear to your child that she is not to put up with being hit for ANY reason.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 23/04/2026 18:52

Speak to the teacher. You don’t need to mention the boys SEN, but that he is hurting and upsetting your dd.

I assume the teacher isn’t aware otherwise they would have separated them.

Pearlstillsinging · 23/04/2026 18:56

Of course you should speak to the teacher, don't teach your DD to suffer in silence.

Tutorpuzzle · 23/04/2026 19:02

I wish more parents would speak up for the ‘always’ children. (Always listening, always playing well, always following instructions.)

If more parents made a fuss then maybe behaviour like this would be dealt with properly (and early enough) before the chairs start flying and I have to evacuate classes.

AnotherBretonTop · 23/04/2026 19:03

Talk to the teacher - request to move carpet spots. Wouldn’t mention SEN at all. State the facts - that will be sufficient.

bridgetreilly · 23/04/2026 19:37

stewstewstew · 23/04/2026 17:59

She's 5! The teacher should be noticing and making sure it doesn't keep happening.
Yes say something OP, your dd should be able to enjoy her time at school.

Show quote history

It wasn’t to blame her, just a question! If she hasn’t mentioned it, or the OP, then obviously the OP needs to. If the OP’s daughter has mentioned it, then that’s a different conversation about why they have ignored her DD.

I would suggest that as well as mentioning it to the teacher, OP should tell her daughter to say to the teacher whenever it happens.

Clairey1986 · 23/04/2026 19:40

Absolutely raise to the teacher - your daughter shouldn’t have to be upset every day and they are also not supporting the boy to help him learn how best to interact with his peers.

Vitrolinsanity · 23/04/2026 20:44

I am 57 and as a “good girl” was always put next to a disruptive boy when a lazy teacher wanted to try and influence the boy’s behaviour.

It didn’t. In fact it seemed to egg them on.

My mother, a gentle soul who literally sees good in anyone, simply would not stand for it and put her foot down every time.

My advice: be my mother

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/04/2026 20:52

The only thing you explain to her is that you should have spoken to the teacher before and you will tomorrow and it’s not up to her to tolerate being hit, slapped, having anything put over her head or in any way touched without her express consent! Bloody hell, it doesn’t matter why he feels this acceptable, it’s not, and her right not to be touched or picked on supersedes his wishes to do any of that.

She’s extremely impressionable at this age. She needs to know now that she has a right to be treated with respect and that she doesn’t have to put up with boys doing things to her that make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe. She needs to know you’ve got her back and will advocate for her. How do you want her to expect to be treated by boys now and men later?

NuffSaidSam · 23/04/2026 20:54

Why have you not spoken to the teacher? Stand up for your child.

What sort of message are you sending your DD?

Teach her to stand up, put her arms out and say "NO, I don't like that". Loudly.

Flossette · 23/04/2026 20:54

As the teacher what they are doing to safeguard your child.

TheSocialHermit · 23/04/2026 20:55

SMLSML · 23/04/2026 17:54

I'll probably get flamed for this on either side for this but need some advice. My 5 year old girl is in reception and since January has been saying a boy in her class has been slapping her hands for attention and shoving his hoodie over her head when they're sat on the carpet. I get kids can be kids but I think this boy has SEN (from behaviour in the playground and his time out space) which I completely appreciate, however how do I explain this to my daughter who feels upset each time this happens and doesn't understand why he doesn't stop when she asks him to.

I've held off speaking to the teachers about it so far but she's come home fairly upset about it today so after any tips on how to approach it? They're in the same groups for a lot of things and my friend who has a SEN child says this can often happen so he can see role model behaviour which I totally understand but equally I don't want my child getting hurt/feeling upset each day in class 🥺 I understand it's a tricky situation and I hope I've worded all this okay! Any advice much appreciated 💗

I have two kids with SEN - you have worded this very diplomatically and your concerns are fair

Original poster
SMLSML · 23/04/2026 21:08

Thank you all. I should have said in the original post that I have been telling her to tell the teacher and she has said she does and that sometimes he'll be put in a time out spot but other than that it keeps happening. So the teachers are aware but seem to be struggling with how to manage it. I've said she needs to say 'no I don't like that, please stop' when it happens but she says he doesn't listen and carries on. I've been putting off speaking to the teacher as they didn't raise it at the latest parents evening and said all the kids generally get on but this has now increased in frequency. I was always the kid that behaved and got put next to the more disruptive ones and I'm conscious I want to advocate my daughter. I'll have the meeting with the teacher tomorrow and make my feels clear on the situation, thank you all for your help!

OP posts:
Original poster
SMLSML · Yesterday 16:20

Spoke to the teacher today and been told the child is tricky to manage and that he actually gets worse the more you tell him to stop. He gets in better when you ignore him apparently but obviously children don't get that as they're always told to tell others to stop if they're doing something they don't like 🫠 one of those situations that's impossible as it sounds like the child is hard to manage and is doing it to a lot of children. We've agreed they'll move my daughter to sit behind him so it stops happening when they're on the carpet. Still not sure I'm entirely happy as saying to ignore him when he's doing it isn't teaching him it's not okay to touch other people when they don't want you to... Feels more like they're trying to avoid the issue rather than tackle it

OP posts:
Namechangedforthisoneyep · Yesterday 16:35

Never spare your child’s feelings for the sake of another, and ESPECIALLY when it’s a girl.

IWaffleAlot · Yesterday 16:40

Make a big deal about it op. It’s not your problem that he has SN. Make it clear that he is not to touch her again and tell your dd as well. Kids like these who are so problematic should be separated from those who just want to go to school and learn!