How should I raise classroom behaviour upsetting my reception age daughter?

[SMLSML]

I'll probably get flamed for this on either side for this but need some advice. My 5 year old girl is in reception and since January has been saying a boy in her class has been slapping her hands for attention and shoving his hoodie over her head when they're sat on the carpet. I get kids can be kids but I think this boy has SEN (from behaviour in the playground and his time out space) which I completely appreciate, however how do I explain this to my daughter who feels upset each time this happens and doesn't understand why he doesn't stop when she asks him to.

I've held off speaking to the teachers about it so far but she's come home fairly upset about it today so after any tips on how to approach it? They're in the same groups for a lot of things and my friend who has a SEN child says this can often happen so he can see role model behaviour which I totally understand but equally I don't want my child getting hurt/feeling upset each day in class 🥺 I understand it's a tricky situation and I hope I've worded all this okay! Any advice much appreciated 💗

Have her shout loudly to the teacher Make him stop, I don't like it.

Put it on the teacher every time. It's her responsibility to control the class.

By doing what exactly? She can separate them - he will probably do the same to the next child. There won't be money to support him better and if his parents seek a diagnosis of something they will wait for years before it happens. Governments are failing children

You do need to make more of a fuss, it's not acceptable for the school to just expect other children to put up with unwanted physical contact.

Of course it isn't the other child's fault, but you are inadvertently teaching your daughter that a) people (boys) can touch her even though she doesn't like it and has told them so b) adults won't do anything if she tells them about it

Either go back to teacher to say you’re not satisfied and/or check the formal complaints policy and escalate up the hierarchy as described in their policy.

That was not the response I’d have given.

As a teacher I am furious on your behalf. It is becoming more and more common in schools now to hear the term ‘PDA profile’ bandied about (Pathological Demand Avoidance). And I bet that’s what’s going on here.. ‘he’s better when ignored’ ffs. PDA has become a catch all for when the ‘reflection’ and ‘restorative conversations’ don’t work, and consequences aren’t ever employed. And so these children without any boundaries get worse and worse, and consequently last about 5 minutes at secondary school. It’s like a social experiment that no parent has ever agreed to.
Complain every single time it happens @SMLSML , and keep a log.

This is unacceptable from school.

Email and say you are have been concerned by the level of physical contact so far.

Put in writing that you are not happy to tell your DD to ignore unwanted physical contact for obvious safeguarding reasons, and you think school needs to ensure it doesn't happen.

If the government is failing, the op's child is within her rights to make a very loud fuss every time.

Yes, I agree - but the pp said to "put it on the teacher every time" I'm pointing out it's gone beyond what even the best teachers can really manage.

The teacher will have to go to their union if the head does not take appropriate action. The child should take it to the teacher every time.

Glad you got it sorted, to be honest it's up to the teacher to manage BUT it's up to everyone involved to communicate. I have a SEN child and the teachers are always appreciative of any heads up I give them on the morning as am I for anything they share.
But ultimately they have been flexible in giving him a carpet spot in a suitable place/keeping him at the front of the line/giving him reading time instead of time on the mat and much more.
But it's taken hard work and communication from the teacher, us, and my child too. Id hate for another parent to be withholding information from their child in case it caused a fuss!

Again, well done for raising it, you did a good thing for everyone involved.

That's just not realistic. The Head cannot "cure" the problems either. Poorly funded inclusion and the problems of society as a whole can't be fixed by one primary school.

If it keeps happening I'd complain again. Maybe CC the Head next time. It's not OK for your dd to be slapped and have him cover her head with his hoodie. They should remove his hoodie if he can't behave with it

We had similar through reception and yr 1, boy kept hitting dd, slapping her in the head, pulling her clothes and pushing her over in the playground. We tackled it every way- telling to dd to tell the teacher every time it happened, and explaining that this boy had additional needs and didn’t always understand the impact of what he was doing. This resulted in different seating in class etc.

it didn’t stop,and seemed to get worse, more frequent, so spoke to teacher again and an email to the year head to say it was now a safeguarding issue for dd and they need to do something more specific.

things seemed to calm down, went into year 2 and they mixed the classes so they weren’t together, a week in he found her in the playground and ‘smashed her head against the wall’. Straight to the head we went and I don’t know what they did but he just stopped.

he is SEN to what detail I don’t know.

its unfair. They are so young and violence is just a massive no, especially violence from boys to girls. Though I have a theory that SEN kids become a bit infatuated with certain kids and target them, I’ve seen it a few times.

keep Monitoring anyway and keep raising with the school. We do need our children to be resilient but the also have a right to access education safely.