Child pulling a fast one ??

[Happypomegranates]

My son had a head bump at school today , he is 12. School checked him, no mark but quite a bump with another child. He told them he felt a bit unsteady ( that’s not a word he would use I imagine he’s said dizzy ) so they advised going to hospital. He was checked over and all fine , but they said if he gets any symptoms on the leaflet go straight back. I think this is just standard head bump advice.

Now , he will do anything for a day off school. Always has , no issues at school he’s a good boy , lots of friends , never no crying about going etc but he will quite regularly say he has a tummy ache or feels sick - nothing that a “ you’ll be ok “ can’t fix , goes into school happily. But , he just prefers to be off. If anyone expresses concern over anything ( for eg if we ask if he’s ok , looks pale - even if he’s been ok he will then all of a sudden be ill ) .. basically , I know him and I was also the same as a child myself - if he can get a day off he will . I have been at work and he’s had a nice afternoon with Dad , playing etc - been fine! As soon as I walked in he said he had started to feel dizzy. He looks fine and when he is genuinely unwell you can tell because he’s off his food , not playing his games etc . Dizziness isn’t a symptom to look out for on the info sheet , it’s more being drowsy, sick , loss of consciousness, confusion.

I do think he thinks that if he has to go back to hospital then we will be there late and he will be off tomorrow . I also suspect symptoms may appear in the morning . I have taken the sheet and hid it so he can’t see what are alarming symptoms.

AIBU to not head to the hospital and use my own judgement ? I don’t want to make out he’s lying and I don’t believe him and I would hate for something to be wrong and I do nothing but I really feel this may be him pulling a bit of a fast one and he has been seen by a doctor who has said he is ok.

It’s an accurate word to describe many children. The OP’s son has absolutely nothing wrong with him, but burst into tears to get a day off school. At his age, he’s “pulling a fast one” as the OP says otherwise known as, manipulating.

Yes.. Manipulative is an accurate description for a child of any age who wants to attain a goal... Particularly the attention..questions need to be raised as to why he wants this attention /focus on him... Or has it just becoming a habit, it has worked in the past so on...
My daughter is 7years old and would feign a different symptom of illness everyday after a long half term or a few genuine sick days... When I raised the issue and talked through it with her she openly admitted she wanted to stay at home with me, I made tasks and prepared times together after school so she could look forward to them and reassured her the importance of education, learning and socialising.
I think you are an attentive, intuitive mother who is going the right way, this is the best way to snap him out of any health anxiety or bad had habits forming. Besides the school will send him home or keep an eye on him if you communicate with them. Manipulation isn't always a negative trait it can give answers in the way of co-dependance, insecurities and separation anxieties.

It’s not a horrible word at all. It’s just a word.
And you either live in a fantasy world or you have no idea about the average pre-teen.

I have 15 years experience working with them. I also have empathy and believe behaviour is a communication.

I always made days off school as boring as possible. When they're genuinely ill and sick, it's best to rest any way. When I thought they could be trying it on, it would be the same treatment. You're ill, so you stay in bed. No screens and no messing around. Can have books/podcasts/audiobooks whilst in bed. Can drink water, tea and have basic foods like toast, soup, yogurt and digestive biscuits. If you're well enough to get up and mess around, or well enough to want to play on the computer, you're well enough to go to school. They rarely tried it on

Exactly that. Manipulative behaviour is simply a form of communication.
But it still happens.

Why wouldn't he try to milk the situation if it worked with his Gran in the past?
Hold your ground OP. If he says he feels ill, no phone, no TV, nothing interesting. Let's face it. If he had genuine concussion he wouldn't want those things. You need to alter his mind set. Sick days at home need to be really boring. School days need to be the more attractive option. Good attendance is essential at secondary school. Every day missed means he will be playing catch-up up across several different subjects. It's so easy to fall behind.

Omg I had something get in my eye in high wind with a contact lens in . I lost the lens and somehow whatever grit or crap that got in my eye really hurt . I bloody cried and I was an adult who rarely ever cries I CRIED . I think the crying is also partially a bodily function to remove any offending materials from the vicinity of the eye so pain and body doing a natural cleansing is NORMAL. I am rather glad I am not your child .

Sounds like it was a windy day and something blew into his face and affected his eye - you know an eyelash or bit of dust or grit can be really sore and he has rubbed his eye and subsequently lost his contact. I don’t think he cried simply because his contact fell out but because something caused pain and discomfort. No need for such harsh comments toward a child and equally towards his mother who is clearly trying to do the best she can. Implying she is not checking him on any manipulative behaviour to avoid school is out of order, especially considering she would be unlikely to be posting about him taking unnecessary days off here in this post if that was the case. A little more kindness and sympathy would go a long way.

He might prefer that to spending the day at school.

I'd have taken him to A&E let the Drs tell you he's fine & then make him go to school the next day when he's tired from sitting in the hospital for hours. Might teach him a lesson that he's been told he's ok so it's off to school regardless if he's tired or not as that's not an illness warranting a day off.