Child pulling a fast one ??

[Happypomegranates]

My son had a head bump at school today , he is 12. School checked him, no mark but quite a bump with another child. He told them he felt a bit unsteady ( that’s not a word he would use I imagine he’s said dizzy ) so they advised going to hospital. He was checked over and all fine , but they said if he gets any symptoms on the leaflet go straight back. I think this is just standard head bump advice.

Now , he will do anything for a day off school. Always has , no issues at school he’s a good boy , lots of friends , never no crying about going etc but he will quite regularly say he has a tummy ache or feels sick - nothing that a “ you’ll be ok “ can’t fix , goes into school happily. But , he just prefers to be off. If anyone expresses concern over anything ( for eg if we ask if he’s ok , looks pale - even if he’s been ok he will then all of a sudden be ill ) .. basically , I know him and I was also the same as a child myself - if he can get a day off he will . I have been at work and he’s had a nice afternoon with Dad , playing etc - been fine! As soon as I walked in he said he had started to feel dizzy. He looks fine and when he is genuinely unwell you can tell because he’s off his food , not playing his games etc . Dizziness isn’t a symptom to look out for on the info sheet , it’s more being drowsy, sick , loss of consciousness, confusion.

I do think he thinks that if he has to go back to hospital then we will be there late and he will be off tomorrow . I also suspect symptoms may appear in the morning . I have taken the sheet and hid it so he can’t see what are alarming symptoms.

AIBU to not head to the hospital and use my own judgement ? I don’t want to make out he’s lying and I don’t believe him and I would hate for something to be wrong and I do nothing but I really feel this may be him pulling a bit of a fast one and he has been seen by a doctor who has said he is ok.

His contact fell out. He was checked. This was a whole day later, on leaving the appointment after all was checked and well… and he started crying again.

That isn’t normal. This is incredibly manipulative behaviour to get a day off school. By your reply, my guess is that you never deal with this behaviour so he carries on.

Can you tell him the symptoms of concussion are right shoulder pain, tingling in finger tips and pain in lower jaw?? See if these “symptoms” suddenly appear over the next hour.

He was faking it to try and get another day off school. This was a day after the contact fell out, he’d been checked, all was well, then he started crying again on the way home. That is not normal. He is doing it to manipulate and get attention and get days off. That isn’t normal for a neurotypical 12 year old.

This isn’t someone crying because something is wrong. He is faking things, then bursting into tears to manipulate the situation.

I think it’s that he likes being at home and he likes the attention, yes. I work full time and he has a younger sibling so I do somethings think that maybe that quality time just us is rare , when he’s off and I have taken the day off then he has had me all to himself and I will cuddle up with him on the sofa while I’m working fr home . If I go to work , he goes to my mothers and her and my dad spoil him rotten. I do try to make that quality time , but I do think sometimes he craves it that bit more.

I think you need to calm down a little bit . A 12 year old boy trying to manipulate people ? Do you understand anxiety levels in young children around school ? Especially the transition to secondary school ? Likely he felt upset about going to school so that’s why he cried , but instead said it was because he was still in pain .

Have you actually talked to him about this and about your suspected reasoning - attention and time alone with mum?

I like this idea !!

Yes. He has said he does like the time with me , but follows it up with “ but I was ill “ .

I have also tried to make time on the weekend and suggested a movie , reading together , a game … most of the time he does it for 5 mins and then abandons me to go and play online with his friends !

You took the time in your OP to say he has no issues with school, never cried about going to school, has friends, does well. Just loves a day off school. But now you’re saying he has anxiety about school and you think the crying is actually because he is too anxious to go to school? Which is it? Because my response is based on your OP saying he has no anxiety around school and just loves a cheeky day off.

I think you are being manipulated by a 12 year old who has figured out that faking health issues gets him off school, and you don’t seem to have ever even talked to him about what he is doing or why he is faking, or even told him that you know he is faking. Which is weird. That’s a conversation a parent should have when they notice that behaviour.

It’s not abnormal at all.

I do deal with the behaviour - he does not get days off school unless he is very unwell and I know he is - eg vomiting , lethargic - things I know he is not faking. It’s never prolonged , he will try and I will tell him no you are going to school and he goes happily . There is no drama , no kicking and screaming to go in . He goes to school , is fine , and comes out happily. That is dealing with the behaviour.

So do you believe that the vast majority of 12 year old boys are at home crying over fake, or barely there injuries to get a day off school?

You are reading far too much into my posts .

I didn’t say he suffered with anxiety . I said there are anxieties for children around school. Likely , he didn’t want to go to school , felt a bit ‘ emotional’ let’s say , rather than anxious. He cried , I told him he was going , he accepted it. Had I pandered to it , I imagine he would have kept going. I have had the talk , I have told him I know he’s putting it on .

I was also like this as a child . I was never bullied , always had friends , had a happy home life. I did not like going to school because I loved spending time with my mom . My mom would very easily give in on some occasions - others , she was a bit firmer and I knew tears worked , or the right things to say . I gave her hell and my attendance was appalling but there were no issues. I would feel emotional about going to school because I just didn’t want to , I wanted to stay at home with my mom watching daytime tv or sitting round my nans with her. I know all the tricks . Thank was manipulation. I left school with no GCSE’s and had to work extra hard in my adult life , with young children , to get the career I have now. I don’t want that for my son .

Do I think a high number of children ( because I don’t see why gender matters in case you are suggesting boys should not cry ) probably feign illness sometimes to try and get a day off school , or pretend their unwell when they’re better , exaggerate a little ? Yes I do .

Kids absolutely try this if you let them. He’s obviously either later to the game or it took you longer to nip it in the bud.

I would stand your ground and trust your instincts, generally you know when something isn’t right.

My DSS used to get out of school for all sorts with his mum, I made sure that sick days were boring as anything spent in bed and always sent him when he moaned of some
minor ailment or other saying they’ll send you home if you aren’t alright. Four years on and he’s only ever missed school for chicken pox.

My 4yo DD has tried this recently as we used to take her out of nursery sometimes for a fun day and a couple of times when she’s had a genuine illness she’s stayed home so she regularly says she’s not feeling great and wants to stay home. However she always has a good day when she goes and her only
complaint is that she misses me. She still has to go to school…

love the suggestion of telling him random
things are symptoms!!

has anyone in the family had health issues? Think kids do realise it gives them time and attention.

I’ve an 11 year old who feels sick every morning, doesn’t want to go in. It’s not just you.

He isn’t manipulative he is a twelve year old boy! You know him better than anyone.

I’d tell him that’s fine, he can have the day off, but you are worried about the effects of his head injury so it will be strictly screen free. That means no phone, TV or consoles. Tell him that is likely to stretch over the weekend if he’s too unwell for school tomorrow.
I’d monitor his reaction to that suggestion and see what happens! You might find he suddenly feels a lot better!

12 year olds can be exceptionally manipulative 😂
I taught enough of them to know that!

Maybeba left field suggestion, but does he have health anxiety?

All 12 year olds do is try to manipulate people.

Sincerely, a former 12 year old.

If my DS thought he could swing a day off school he’d find a symptom mentioned at the hospital and milk it like a prize winning cow.

I’d say OK, bedtime. Nice night rest. If it’s that bad DS we will go back to A&E sans phone and wait. Tomorrow will also mean no phone natch. I predict a rapid recovery.

Hmmm, my boys are reasonably good about not taking days off unless it’s absolutely necessary, but then I have a strict no phones, no tv, no Xbox policy for patients 🤣 if they are poorly enough to be at home then they are poorly enough to need to be either in bed or tucked up on the sofa, and reading (which they both enjoy normally, but wouldn’t spend a whole day doing) is their only option to ease the boredom. That is ALL day, not just during school hours, plus if they’ve been off school they aren’t allowed to go to training that evening and they both love their sports. Basically I’ve made it so that they only stay off school if they really feel unwell. You might want to implement similar rules with your little wanna be hypochondriac?

For now, personally I would keep him at home and keep an eye on him. You know him best and if you suspect he’s faking, he more than likely is.

Yeah so have I and 12 year olds aren’t manipulative, it is such a horrible word to describe a child

Your belief is cute

Yes most likely he's fine and those words have given him an excuse to stay off, completely understandable, as kids don't we all!

With my DS I would probably keep him at home, with the rule of no screens, no TV, as they could aggravate the symptoms, monitored. Settee, fluids, see how he goes and if issues go back for medical treatment.

As you said, we know when they're genuinely unwell.

A total tangent but since any head injury has become highly safeguarded, it's incredulous the amount of times some students have deliberately banged their heads on desks/wall, knowing they immediately have to go to the office and parents informed.

One came in, said I hate school, ran into the wall, got a bloody nose, didn't see him for weeks after!