To think ‘you’re entitled to a child free life not a child free world’ is an excuse not to parent?

[BusElla]

To preface this with I do have children and if they tantrum I have no issue with physically removing them from a situation and if they have had warnings but still decide to choose poorly then I follow through and we go home regardless.

The amount of parents on social media (usually TikTok) who say the above phrase is ridiculous. I saw one woman who was upset she was asked to not change her sons pooey nappy on a cafe table because it’s fucking disgusting and she took umbrage at it and said that the cafe owner was told about her doing it by another woman who didn’t have kids and didn’t understand how hard it is to be a parent.

I saw another one who was asked to move outside with her screaming 3 year old because he’d run into a waitress and she’d dropped chips on him, apparently that was the pubs fault and the person who had complained about him running around for ‘not letting him play and he’s only 3 he doesn’t understand’

Then there’s the parent who’s kid was ‘happy screaming’ and she was asked if she could possibly go outside with him / take her food to go as they were fully booked and people were complaining. She added a video and it was that constant ear splitting screaming. She said she felt judged that her baby was ‘too happy’ no; it was 8pm in a busy restaurant full of people without children who don’t want to hear ‘happy screams’ but all the comments were ‘well I’d have told them all the fuck off, childfree life not child free world

I know how hard it is being a parent, God knows my kids test my patience every bloody day but it’s my job as a parent to teach them not to behave poorly in public! Also it’s always when you think you’re gonna nail it / have had a good day that they play the uno reverse card! Anyway if my kids are screaming I will ask for our food to go/ swap with DH and go out to the car with the kids and then when he’s done I will finish my meal.

Im not talking about austism. I’m talking about cba to parent and inflicting poor behaviour on the public !!

You are a reasonable and community minded person parenting your DC properly.

God knows what these kids without boundaries will grow up to be, they'll certainly have issues at school.

I agree re the nappy. That’s just disgusting in every case.

But restaurants shouldn’t accept guests and take order from and serve them when they have kids only to ask them to go outside or take their food home. You either accept children into your restaurant or you don’t and it’s unfair to change your mind halfway through someone’s experience.

I think it’s bad enough having kids who don’t cope well in busy places without the guilt trip - I tend to look on sympathetically or try to help when someone’s clearly having a hard time with a toddler and not be judgmental that they’re trying to have a life and a fussy child….

Agree there ought to be some parental boundaries though and simply allowing your child to charge around or actively disrupt others can’t be allowed ti happen

Are any of those videos even real?! That sounds horrendous, I've never seen anything like that on social media. You need to re-train your algorithm and stop watching them!

Depends on the context I think. There are some things even the best of parents can't prevent, eg a baby crying on a plane because their ears hurt or whatever it is.

The examples you have chosen are not this and I assume you have picked those examples to support your point.

But on the flip side, I had some ladies huffing and puffing in a cafe, in the daytime, because our children were playing (normal playing not screaming or anything) in the play kitchen next to their table (that they chose next to the children’s area)

it works both ways

Tik tok is just rage bait. Maybe these people exist, maybe they don’t. But wouldn’t your life be a tiny bit nicer if you deleted the app and just had to manage the irritating things that happen right in front of you than across the whole of the internet?

But restaurants shouldn’t accept guests and take order from and serve them when they have kids only to ask them to go outside or take their food home. You either accept children into your restaurant or you don’t and it’s unfair to change your mind halfway through someone’s experience.

Here's the kicker.... they wouldn't bloody have to if people kept their kids under control.
Its unfair to every other customer who has paid good money to eat their meal to have to endure screaming children.
The fault lies solely with the parents.

Where I grew up, children never bothered me. Some were naughty, some were sweet, overall I don't recall any being allowed to make pests of themselves (I certainly wasn't).

Unfortunately in the UK I've had quite a different experience, even perfectly nice people that I know will sit there in gormless obliviousness while their children do something destructive or misbehave - at best you get the constant interruptions.

To the parents out there that actually parent, and teach consideration to their children, seriously, thank you so much. It must be extra hard when you're swimming against the tide.

More rage bait about rage bait.

I think your examples are extremes. The term I agree with but I usually see it used in the context of people huffing when a child boards public transport, a post on here with the OP complaining children shouldn't be in a chain restaurant at 7pm as they should be tucked up in bed, someone huffing when I brought my baby into A&E, overhearing my neighbours complaining that they can hear children in the play park in their garden that backs onto a play park.

I've only ever heard people say that on social media tbh.

You're just listing bad parenting I'm not sure what it has to do with that phrase.

That phrase is normally used about adults huffing about children who are behaving/ merely existing in their presence.

But restaurants shouldn’t accept guests and take order from and serve them when they have kids only to ask them to go outside or take their food home. You either accept children into your restaurant or you don’t and it’s unfair to change your mind halfway through someone’s experience.

@Lmnop22 You can absolutely accept children into a restaurant, it does NOT mean you have to accept poor behaviour from them or their parents.

There's no way of telling which kids will behave, of course. The kids don't even know at that point if they plan to behave 😂

ETA - children doing continued behaviours such as shrieking, banging things on the table shouting etc is not "kids being kids" . It's parents-not-parenting. No one is saying a child who excitedly lets out a loud noise has broken some cardinal sin. Most people accept that... it's when the parents allow that shriek to happen again and again throughout a meal

When we were children we all knew how to behave in public. Not because we were angels but because we were expected to. My nieces and nephews generation less so. New ideas about freedom of expression creep and they were not expected to behave outside of the home. So sometimes didn’t.
Nobody told them no. Until Grandad did. Then they realised on one occasion it wasn’t okay ( what they were doing) and behaved. Beautifully.

You do need to tell children what is expected.

And as for parents. If they don’t know by the time they are one themselves there is little hope.
Changing a nappy on a food table is grotesque.
As is putting toddlers in the food part of food trolleys that other people then have to use. Who knows what they have trampled in.
Glad to see the buffet salad bar is no longer a thing .I watched a dad oblivious to what he was doing. Feeding his daughter with the serving spoon then putting it back in the salad bar. Nice.

I work at the golden arches and we have kids that come in with their parents and are perfectly behaved

They sit at the table,parents engaging with them,eat and help clean up before leaving

And then we have the changing nappies at the table,parents gawping at their phones while their children are running around,kids doing cartwheels up and down the tables,kids screaming,kids fighting over the ipads,kids running in and out (we are next to a busy road) and loads more naughty behaviour

I have a lot of sympathy for the 'im shattered,its been a long day and they've been little sods' parents-ive been there many times myself

It's the parents who expect me to nanny their child and get pissed off because I cant and the ones who blame me when their child cartwheels and ends up scalded when they hit someone holding a fresh coffee that I dont have any sympathy for (they are the most bloody vocal when it goes tits up)

Then the kids grow up and we have the teenagers who think they can do anything they like which I deal with every single shift

I always go back to a holiday story of mind when I read threads like this. In a 5 star hotel abroad. Toddler says he needs the toilet at which point the dad whips a potty out for him to use in the middle of the restaurant instead of walking 10 metres to the actual toilet.🤮

Yeah, it depends.

Sometimes it is said as an excuse not to parent. Other times it's said in response to someone who thinks they're entitled not to be exposed to children in public places. Planes are a common favourite.

I agree, it’s either behave or we go home. No shouting in public places we can have a fun and animated conversation for sure but no screaming and shouting. Kids learn from creating regular habits you just have to keep reminding them. Ours was difficult but we perceived and now he’s great in restaurants.

The only exception being planes. If they cry due to their ears hurting etc there’s nothing you can do. I have had a woman glare at me and I asked if he she was ok?

Don’t agree with running on a plane or hitting chairs etc go for regular walks to toilet etc but otherwise kids will be a bit loud and may cry. That’s where you’re not entitled to a child free world.

I do wish they’d offer child free flights. It would come at a cost no doubt. It would be interesting to see how many would take it.

I still remember staying in a very expensive child friendly resort with my then baby and enjoying the attached beach. He was crying and an elderly German couple started showing their disapproval. I pointed to the hotel next door and advised them it was a child free one. I do wonder why they didn’t stay there instead.

@Lmnop22i disagree because it’s never acceptable to let your child run around, scream or other poor behaviour in restaurants. As a restaurant manager you assume your customers will be fully aware that when they bring children into your establishment they are signing up to these basic decencies and will take mitigations if their child becomes unsettled - it’s what parents did in the past automatically, staff didn’t have to ask them to leave!

well behaved children and parents who are responsible shouldn’t have to be banned from restaurants due to the irresponsible ones

I do wish they’d offer child free flights. It would come at a cost no doubt. It would be interesting to see how many would take it.

Realistically I think this would exist if there were enough demand for it. It comes up often enough.

The main factors when people choose their travel are the date of the flight, as some travel has to be done at certain times, and price. Even people who might prefer a childfree flight won't be able to use one if it doesn't fit their dates. And then lots of others will go with whatever's cheapest, in some cases because they can't afford to go otherwise.

Can you imagine a flight with a screaming child/baby and over drunk people.
Gosh.

@Helpboat I feel nothing but sympathy for babies screaming on planes - they're in agony and they can't help it, therefore it doesn't annoy the way uncorrected bad behaviour from older children does if that makes sense?

It almost seems harsh on them. To take them on a flight when they are very small.

'As is putting toddlers in the food part of food trolleys that other people then have to use'
I used to slip my granddaughter's shoes off. But now with self scan people lift their bags off the floor and into the trolley. Some put them on the floor of the bus, at the bus stop, the taxi rank etc, so a child being loaded out of a car and into a trolley is actually cleaner.
I don't think that every child can be in a restaurant at 8, many are getting tired and are over hungry. I've only been bothered on flights by adults.

I agree with this and have heard so many excuses. I have a DS who is 6 and diagnosed with ASD so I know how tough it can be to parent, but we do our best to ensure any issues with behaviour are managed and do not affect others. I think society as a whole are more selfish and I see just as many adults with devices blaring or being inconsiderate as I do children.

I think there are def levels of awareness on both sides.
For example if I go to see a kids film or a to child friendly cafe then I should expect a reasonable amount of shouting/crying/playing/etc.
If its a more adult venue then people should be prepared to remove their kid if they are causing a disturbance.