To think ‘you’re entitled to a child free life not a child free world’ is an excuse not to parent?

[BusElla]

To preface this with I do have children and if they tantrum I have no issue with physically removing them from a situation and if they have had warnings but still decide to choose poorly then I follow through and we go home regardless.

The amount of parents on social media (usually TikTok) who say the above phrase is ridiculous. I saw one woman who was upset she was asked to not change her sons pooey nappy on a cafe table because it’s fucking disgusting and she took umbrage at it and said that the cafe owner was told about her doing it by another woman who didn’t have kids and didn’t understand how hard it is to be a parent.

I saw another one who was asked to move outside with her screaming 3 year old because he’d run into a waitress and she’d dropped chips on him, apparently that was the pubs fault and the person who had complained about him running around for ‘not letting him play and he’s only 3 he doesn’t understand’

Then there’s the parent who’s kid was ‘happy screaming’ and she was asked if she could possibly go outside with him / take her food to go as they were fully booked and people were complaining. She added a video and it was that constant ear splitting screaming. She said she felt judged that her baby was ‘too happy’ no; it was 8pm in a busy restaurant full of people without children who don’t want to hear ‘happy screams’ but all the comments were ‘well I’d have told them all the fuck off, childfree life not child free world

I know how hard it is being a parent, God knows my kids test my patience every bloody day but it’s my job as a parent to teach them not to behave poorly in public! Also it’s always when you think you’re gonna nail it / have had a good day that they play the uno reverse card! Anyway if my kids are screaming I will ask for our food to go/ swap with DH and go out to the car with the kids and then when he’s done I will finish my meal.

Im not talking about austism. I’m talking about cba to parent and inflicting poor behaviour on the public !!

People who change a dirty nappy indoors where food is being served are fucking scumbags. Disgusting behaviour.

The internet is full of stories that make you think the world is a much worse place than it is in reality.

Not looking at TikTok videos is a simple and fine way to improve your day to day life and to see the real world (populated largely by decent folk), not one concocted by shysters to make people rage.

Whist I agree that children shouldn't be too loud and disruptive in public spaces i'm also always surprised about how child unfriendly the UK has become (or at least around my parts). When I grew up here many restaurants and pubs with gardens also had some sort of play equipment. Now it's almost impossible to find.

When I visit relatives in Europe there are tiny shopping trolleys for kids in supermarkets, play corners in shops and cafes, swimming pools have toys and armbands you can borrow, I went to a pet store that had a duplo corner. Children seem to be a much more accepted part of everyday life. Here kids need to be much more contained in their child oriented spaces; home, school, nursery, softplay, park and ok to be seen but not heard almost everywhere else.

Again I don't think it's okay to just let your kids be disruptive. But there are very few places here that give you the opportunity for kids to learn but still be kids. Like, go and blow off some energy on that play equipment and then come back and sit quietly whilst we eat dinner.

I don’t think this is how most people would behave or that people commenting in anyway reflect normal people with half a brain.

First of all, I’ve never seen videos like this or heard this phrase or seen people respond this way. I think you must be a bit in an echo chamber.

Secondly, people posting these things are doing it to get a response and they’re going to be getting it because that’s how the algorithms work.

It’s a bit like my hare brained friend who homeschools (“homeschools”) by mostly going on one luxury holiday in term time after another. She gets either rage bait responses to her off on a yacht again or a million homeschool families who think it’s totally normal to be drinking tequila shots on a yacht instead of actually educating your children (but hey, the airfares were cheaper!). Whereas most normal people just think she’s bonkers and wonder at her poor spelling and punctuation for someone meant to be home educating. 😂 No one thinks it’s normal except the people the algorithm sends her way. I think it is the same here.

I definitely don’t experience this out in the real world at all.

I agree with you but on the flip side - we were in a restaurant once and a couple came in. The man saw us and complained to the staff that he didn't want to eat in a restaurant with kids in it, turned on his heal and left. It was lunch time and my children were literally sitting at a table eating, minding their own buisness. Both primary age, so not toddlers or babies prone to screaming and perfectly capable of sitting through a meal. Some people have zero tolerance for anyone under 25. The manager couldn't have been more lovely about it.

I don’t think the phrase is wrong as such - I think the phrase is true!

But I think people misapply it, as in your example.

There’s “a child free world” which no one is entitled to, and “a world where children aren’t being allowed to negatively impact other people in avoidable ways” which is a whole other thing and very reasonable to expect!

I think the UK culture is just more intolerant nowadays of everyone and everything.

Some European countries are, well just easier.

OP - you have it right. Some parents need to understand that not everyone wants to be hassled by their badly behaved offspring.

It’s not always easy - but parents need to parent. 🙄

Near where we have booked to go on holiday, there is a restaurant that talks about how “super dog friendly” it is, but then gives a list of stipulations about children eating there - it only allows older children / “young adults” anyway - including “used to ordering from the main menu”. If it’s the only menu, what else would they order from?

Just seems a weird swing towards inclusion of members of another species - with no stipulations about dog behaviour- and against members of our own.

Put me right off even though my teenagers would be fine and well behaved!

I get that an environment free of little kids is totally fine - say “this is a 12 + restaurant, and please note there’s only one menu” - but idk I found the “super dog friendly” a really weird juxtaposition with it.

My son was a challenging autistic toddler and this is how we parented. Obviously if they kick off in a supermarket it’s a bit different in terms of management. No one is there for an enjoyable trip out.

by three I was able to sit in a restaurant - it was just expected and we were taken out if we didn’t sit in our seats.
its not rocket science. If your kid isn’t able to sit for a meal in a restaurant without a large degree of adult facilitation (keeping them busy/distracted/entertained/taking them out for a run about between courses etc) they probably aren’t ready for that yet.

@GreenMeeple "When I grew up here many restaurants and pubs with gardens also had some sort of play equipment. Now it's almost impossible to find."

It's mostly because of insurance. The UK has adopted the suing culture of the US and hospitality venues have understandably become extremely nervous about it. It only takes little Johnny to scrape his knee, or even wander out of the play area and get run over, for a million pound + law suit to be filed. Far too many parents these days expect their kids to be supervised by anyone except them.