AIBU to feel annoyed by my mum tracking my schedule?

[sweetpotatopies]

My mum has a history of not respecting boundaries or recognising that I'm a separate person to her with my own life.

I told her recently that I started a course in September that involves me attending classes one Saturday per month. Although it started in September, I deliberately only told her a few weeks ago because I wanted space to myself where she didn't know all the details of my life. On Saturday past she texted to ask if I was free for lunch, I said no not today, and she replied to ask if I was at my course.

I usually go to a pilates class on a Tuesday night, which she knows. Tonight I haven't gone because I have other plans at home and I've been messaging our family group chat (which my mum is in). Instead of replying to the content of my message, she has asked "no pilates class tonight Sweetpotato?"

AIBU to feel annoyed and suffocated by her tracking what I'm up to? Even if she thinks it or wonders it, she doesn't have to ask. She wonders why I don't tell her things!

Christ sounds like normal convo to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I do get this OP. On their own, these are quite standard comments but if part of a bigger issue, which you allude to, then of course YANBU.

I like when my Mum takes an interest in what I’m doing

sorry OP but you sound like the weird one here. This is entirely normal conversation

She's not tracking your schedule. She knows your routine and is mentioning it in passing.

I really don't understand why you think this is odd behaviour. I go to Circuit Training on Tuesday evenings, so if I messaged or rang my mum between 6.30 and 8.30pm on a Tuesday she would ask if I was injured or if there was some reason why I wasn't at class.

My adult son lives in a different city. He works alternate Saturdays. I vaguely track in my head which are his working Saturdays so that I don't phone him then.

It's not weird. It's being part of a family.

I sort of understand how you feel but also it’s nice to know someone it looking out for you. Depends on your relationship but it can be a good thing. We mums (mostly) bloody love you children. Wait till you have your own. Xx

Maybe she’s trying to show she cares by mentioning activities you are involved in. Sounds quite normal in itself but there might be more to the situation, making you feel less comfortable.

I assume the history / back story involves a lot more than this. Because the things you mention here are just normal conversation.

As you say she crosses boundaries, I imagine you might have her on an information diet to protect yourself. And when she shows you she has information about you, you feel unsafe. That’s not because of the information or these circumstances, it’s because of how she behaves.
My mother is similar (she often messages from my dad’s or sister’s phone (taken when they aren’t looking) to see what she can get me to ‘tell’ her pretending to be them.
If she can’t get any information she sends a screenshot of the weather forecast for my town or local headlines. It’s slightly intimidating in a powerless odd old lady way.

Oh dear @sweetpotatopies . DD and I exchange about ten messages a day. She's at a class in central London right now. No idea how she'll get home with the tube strikes! She'll keep me informed. She's 27. Soumds normal to me.

OP, you will get loads of replies telling you this is just normal conversation, which it is in some contexts - but you have said your mum has a history of not respecting boundaries, so it's understandable you feel suffocated. These kind of interactions can feel massively different in different circumstances. Focus on setting and keeping boundaries with your mum - it can be hard to change your habits and feelings of obligation but it gets easier and helps massively in the longer run

I get it OP. I have this too. It is endless. What is even more annoying is that the things I ask or tell her my DM that she actually needs to be aware of, she forgets or claims I never mentioned them 😆

So true, mine doesn’t remember what my job is and sometimes forgets my birthday, but if she finds out a detail of my routine she’ll bring it up relentlessly.

This is bad. How can you trust if you’re ever speaking to your Dad or Sis, or just being misled and spied upon? Your M sounds unhinged, her behaviour is not okay.

Based on what you’ve said op I’d say YABU.
The examples you gave aren’t her tracking your schedule, she just knows what you routinely. It’s doesn’t sound anything out of the ordinary

Sounds like she is just making conversation, you sound quite paranoid if you think these are odd. Mums can’t win, if we don’t show interest then we are distant, show some interest and it’s suffocating???

This is how parents show they care for their adult children, in my opinion.
They listen to you, they know your usual routine, they have normal conversations about what you are up to.

Its the parents that never contact you and if you ever contact them, they either say they are too busy to talk or complain about you not calling them before launching into their lives/many complaints.

Your mum sounds entirely normal and caring to me.

Sounds entirely normal to me

If I’m replying to the group chat during work hours etc my mother will also mention it, I don’t see anything odd about it?

I do the same with DD.

Well of course she’s completely unhinged. As a family we don’t message or email my dad or sister any more because we can’t trust it’s really them, we call if we have to. One of the many reasons (many others are far worse) that everyone else is very low contact with her. It’s great that so many lovely parents take an interest in the ins and outs of their kids’ lives but I’m guessing this isn’t OP’s case either

I’m 50 and my Mum always knows where I am but I will be incredibly sad when she isn’t around to supervise me anymore, I don’t mind her knowing my schedule - the comments are literally a ‘Mum’ thing but if it irritates you then just tell her?

Asking about you not being at a class you told her you attend, is not ignoring boundaries. Your poor Mum.

Wow she loves you and shows an interest. I love my daughters, know their friends names, remember things they've told me because I'm interested and I care. It makes conversations easier. Your attitude is way off. Your poor mum.

My mum is like this. She can see one of my calendars and really struggles to understand why that would bother me and why her mentioning things in my calendar would bother me. She also doesn't understand why I won't permanently share my location with her. Given what she tells me about other people and their relatives, I've no faith that she isn't telling everyone she knows about my life.