AIBU to feel annoyed by my mum tracking my schedule?

[sweetpotatopies]

My mum has a history of not respecting boundaries or recognising that I'm a separate person to her with my own life.

I told her recently that I started a course in September that involves me attending classes one Saturday per month. Although it started in September, I deliberately only told her a few weeks ago because I wanted space to myself where she didn't know all the details of my life. On Saturday past she texted to ask if I was free for lunch, I said no not today, and she replied to ask if I was at my course.

I usually go to a pilates class on a Tuesday night, which she knows. Tonight I haven't gone because I have other plans at home and I've been messaging our family group chat (which my mum is in). Instead of replying to the content of my message, she has asked "no pilates class tonight Sweetpotato?"

AIBU to feel annoyed and suffocated by her tracking what I'm up to? Even if she thinks it or wonders it, she doesn't have to ask. She wonders why I don't tell her things!

Those aren’t examples of tracking you, it’s an interest in your life. Totally different.

if I go out a drink th one of my friends her dd tracks us and phones if we go somewhere we didn’t say we were going , such as, popped into a pub for a glass of wine, she phones and asks why we are there, bearing in mind she is 19!

It’s hardly tracking to know you do Pilates on a Tuesday and it’s just normal conversation to ask if you’re not going when you text her. You’re being weird.

She sounds normal.

my mum asks all the times of things eg what time flight are you on. What time is your play date on Saturday? What time is your lunch booking on Sunday? For things she’s not attending.

Sounds like she can’t say anything right in your book. Are you still a teenager?

My mum would always call me with work queries (we used to work together) on my day off and always at the time I was at a gym class. She didn't care enough to remember I was busy or thought what she wanted was more important. I think it's quite nice your mum remembers and takes an interest in what you do.

If those are the only examples you have of her tracking you or not respecting boundaries this week, you're being ridiculous. Those are perfectly normal conversations.

I get it OP. She is insinuating herself into areas of your life that have nothing to do with her. If you were talking about the class on the group chat fair enough, but she ignored whatever you were talking about because it was more important to her to know about your change of plans, or just to point out she knows your routine so well. As a pattern of behaviour it becomes exhausting and the only way to deal with it is to strictly limit the information you give.

But as this is the only example of 'not respecting boundaries' the OP has given, this is all we can go by.

It's pretty normal to know what someone you're close to usually does. I know my friends and families work schedules, I know what days my DS goes to the gym. If I seen them in the hours they're usually doing something else I'd probably notice and comment on it. You'd get some people offended that their mum does not know they do x every Tuesday.

I get this. It is really annoying. Can't even articulate why! Others will think you're overreacting but you're not. It's nosy behaviour but at least they might call the police for you if you're ever not where you're expected 😭

Clearly there must be much more to it than this. Both of these examples would be perfectly normal questions/comments by relatives or close friends who you are in regular friendly contact with. More context needed!

Sounds like more context needed. You clearly do feel a bit suffocated though, so small things exasperate you. I presume you feel watched and monitored? that can be hard to articulate to others, if they don’t have an enmeshed relationship with their own mum.

This just sounds like a normal conversation to me. Hardly 'tracking' you. 😂

I know. I would probably ask the same if my dad asked me questions on the nights he’s usually at his hobby.

Oh dear. I rang my dad last night and it rang a long time. Them suddenly remembered he’s usually at the pub quiz on a Tuesday so was about to hang up when he answered.

to which I said “oh sorry dad I forgot it was quiz night. I can call you tomorrow it isn’t important”

last week I was away for the weekend and delayed parcel turned up the Friday evening I went away (for 5 days)
I rang my dad Saturday morning as know he often visits his friends for coffee in my town to ask if he could pick it up or put it in my house (he has keys)

I hope he doesn’t think I’m stalking him!

She clearly isn't stalking your schedule or she wouldn't have asked you for lunch on a day you were attending your course. She remembers your pilates because it's something you do every week.It sounds like she's just taking an interest and making conversation. The two examples you've given sound perfectly innocent so unless there are far more egregious examples it sounds like a you problem.

Do you not like your mum?