Parent dumping their child on me

[exhausted1234]

I’ve just dropped my children off at rainbows and brownies. Both in the same place, but in different rooms of the community centre, brownies starts at 6pm and rainbows at 6.15pm. I dropped my eldest daughter off at 6pm, then walked around to wait outside the other room with my youngest daughter ready for rainbows start 15 minutes later. As I’m waiting there, this dad rocks up with his 5 year old, so I say to him “oh the rainbows leaders aren’t here yet” expecting him to reply “oh okay” or “oh thanks for saying”. He looks at his daughter and says “right see you later sweetheart!” and just fucks off 15 minutes early!! 🤯 Basically, because I was there with my daughter he just assumed I’d be happy to watch his daughter too so he could get off home. Am I being OTT in thinking this is incredibly rude? I don’t know this man, I’ve never seen his daughter before, they’re complete strangers. Had it been someone I know, or perhaps a parent I recognised from school or something I’d have found it rude but a bit more understandable, but I just can’t believe this dad thinking it’s okay to just leave his daughter in a corridor with a stranger and bugger off! It then got to around 2 minutes before rainbows was due to start and the leaders hadn’t yet turned up and I start to have a mild panic of “it’s definitely on today isn’t it?” and start frantically checking my emails to make sure there hasn’t been a last minute emergency cancellation, and it occurs to me what would I do if it was cancelled and I’ve just had this stranger’s child dumped on me? I wouldn’t feel like I could leave her at the community centre on her own, but then I’d have been stuck there for an hour until her parent returned! Am I right in thinking this is really odd behaviour from a parent?

Yanbu he shouldn't have done that, he doesn't know you and shouldn't be expecting you to watch his child he put you in a very difficult position and forced you to be responsible for her.

Hopefully you told the Rainbows leader so when he came to pick her up the leader could give him an absolute bollocking let him know not to do that.

Or if it was mum collecting the leader could tell her, so she could give him an absolute bollocking have a chat.

YANBU but you should have called him back! “OI I’m not taking responsibility for your child” but perhaps more polite.

Maybe “please don’t leave your child alone with me, the terms of my probation don’t allow it!” 😄

Definitely tell the leader though

I think he just dumped her rather than specifically dumping her with you.

I would have said to him 'you need to wait with her until it starts in 15 minutes'. That's all you needed to do!

Our cubs group has a rule that children must be handed over to a leader, not dropped off in the car park or fobbed off on another parent. I would let the leaders know that this child was left unattended by a parent annd exactly who the parent is so that a word can be had. Anything could have happened to her in that time. What if you had an emergency and had to leave?

How did he dump the child on you. He left them to wait on their own surely.

I’d have made that assumption if it was an older child, or one of the kids from my other daughter’s brownies group. But the child was 5 - not old enough to be left alone in a community centre for 15 minutes in my view. I honestly don’t believe he’d have left her on her own if I wasn’t there. The assumption was that because I was there, it was okay for him to leave, therefore he was expecting me to be responsible for her by default?

I’d have told the Rainbows leader that I had no idea who child was and that her dad (you presume) walked her in, said bye and left.

id then expect them to have a word with him at pick up.

If he does it again, tell him you’re leaving and wait outside.

Complete CF .

Definitely tell the rainbow leader. He left his child alone affectively. I mean say yours had suddenly been sick while you were waiting, you could have rushed her home to bed leaving the other child alone. (I mean maybe you wouldn't have done, but that's not the point.)

Why is this the responsibility of the leader? It has nothing to do with her. Why should she say anything?

Honestly he took one look at you and decided woman, mother = she’s safe. And it’s because he’s a shite lazy dad.

Because it is very much part of their safeguarding that the child must be handed over to the Leaders (and only when there are 2 adults there).

There is little the OP can (now) do, but the Leaders will know who the child is, and therefore will have records for the parents and they can remind them very strongly that no child is to be left on their own in the building at any time and should it happen again it would involve a call to the police.

I think that’s it in a nutshell, and why it feels so rude. He saw me, and in his mind woman = I can shirk my responsibilities off onto her.

But you are a female, of course you are more than delighted to look after all children and I am sure this man had IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO. Tell the leader he left his child unsupervised and if he tries the same again tell him he needs to stay with his child, you are not his nanny.

Why didn’t you shout to him / catch him up and tell him? he’s behaved appallingly but you let it happen.

I would have assumed he left the child to the group not you personally. sure people can go down the you are a woman routine like eveything in life revolves around women but he said something direct to you about leaving them I would not assume that

Do women always have the additional narritive in their head that makes them feel the centre of everything or does it just feel amplified on here?

Yes he should have stayed but noone knows his thought process

Whatever his thought process was (or wasn't really) the outcome was 'I shall leave my 5 year old alone'

Either alone with a complete stranger, or alone to await the group leaders showing up.

It's not so much everything revolves around women, it's the attitude of everything childcare related revolves around women. Now he might have thought that, he might not. Would he have left her alone outside a room to wait if absolutely no one was around, perhaps, who knows.

But I don't know a single mother that would not feel any kind of responsibility in that situation, a small child left alone and the leaders not around. No mum I know would go "ahh nothing to do with me, you roam around kid, maybe even leave the building, I better not do anything, after all, I'm not the centre of this!"

I would 100% let the rainbows leader know. Children this age need to be handed over to the leader at the beginning of the class and then leader hands them back to a parent at the end. Basic safeguarding rules.

This!! You’ve summed it up perfectly, thank you!