Dh getting up and walking off mid conversation

[Pizzaandpasta101]

I want to know if this is really rude or if I’m just being precious.

Dh has a habit of getting up and just walking off in the middle of a conversation.

So for example earlier today (but this happens on a regular basis), we were speaking about something that had happened with one of our dc at the weekend. It was only a short conversation for like 5 minutes, not like we’d been going on for hours. The conversation hadn’t reached a natural end and I was in the middle of saying something and dh just got up and walked off to do something else.

He does this all the time. It’s not even like he says “hold that thought I’m just going to do xxx”. He literally just walks off.

To be honest I didn’t marry him for his riveting conversation. He’s definitely a man of few words and he’s like that with everyone. He’s just not a talker. He takes several minutes to even respond half the time and he says he’s ‘thinking’.

But aibu to think it’s just plain rude?

I was going to say the same, my DH does it and he's ADHD. I call him back and tell him I wasn't done but I do find it rude. I don't know what the answer is as they don't seem to be able to help it.

Was it one of those ‘prattling on’ monologue conversations where all the information had been conveyed early on? Admit it, we DO do those…. :-)

My H does this too and he works on his own , quite highly paid as well - Thing is if I do it he says’I was talking to you ‘

Does he do it with anyone else or just with you? It’s very disrespectful.

My DH does it too. Im 99% sure he has ADHD, it fits with other traits and both his brothers are diagnosed with it.

It's frustrating but I actually find it worse when he does it to DC and I always tell him hey they were talking. During family meals he often seems to zone out ....but on the rare occassions he participates in conversation, hes usually a topic behind (if that makes sense) so he'll say something related to what we talked about 2 minutes ago rather than something that fits in with the current flow of conversation.

It sounds very rude. But then again, is it repetitive? Are you repeating the same thing? I have this with work colleagues and just walk off because I just can't deal with a conversation that goes in a circle.

Got one like that
I can offer empathy but no advice except to keep reminding him how rude he is and how demoralising his behaviour is.

My husband does this too. It seems to be a poor attention span thing and he gets something into his head like a small task that needs done!

I just say ‘hello, are you still there?? That was rude!!’ He doesn’t even realise he is doing it!!

I doubt he does this at work or with other people (eg in public) when they're speaking to him, and therein lies the answer. It's a respect thing, he doesn't overly care about what you're saying, doesn't overly care whether you feel heard and acts on his own impulses instead. I don't think it's got much to do with not being talkative or personality types at all to be honest - that isn't a normal or polite thing to do but it is something you'd do if you simply weren't fussed and had been doing it so long and getting away with it that it had become normalised. Being "conflict averse" doesn't mean he has carte blanche to walk away from disagreements at your emotional expense, it simply means he needs to do better and work on himself (but obviously has no intention of doing that).

It sounds a bit depressing OP, sorry. I totally understand how you can end up with someone who seems calm when you've previously had the opposite, I've done it, but it doesn't mean it's the best you can do or that there aren't men out there who do care who are emotionally available and are interested, genuinely interested in what their partners are saying.

I do one of the three. Depending on the topic of the conversation, I either:

• tell them straight away that it's boring (if it is to me), I'm not interested, and I'm not going to talk about it;
• If it's ok, I listen, but if the other person keeps on droning on and going in circles, I tell them they're droning on and they should stop;
• If they don't stop, I do what OP's husband does: just walk away.

I just can't be bothered anymore. When I was very young, I could feign interest longer, but now I'll do it for 10 mins and then cut the boring convo. Obviously, if it's important information or something interesting, then that's another matter.

I do it to everyone, not just my partner.

wow
this has got to be one of the rudest things I’ve read on here

Bit harsh - are you happy for people to do the same to you?
We never really know when people are only politely listening to our own fascinating stories...

Call him out. Every single time.

I will definitely do this to avoid an argument. I grew up in an unhappy house, and i don't feel I have to participate in arguments if I don't want to. I feel that's my right. No, is a complete sentence right? I know it doesn't help resolve anything and not very helpful, but I'm rubbish at expressing myself verbally. I'd rather just walk out of the house or room and sort it by text when everyone's calm.

Both me and the other half have called each other out on walking out of the room mid convo. It's never malicious. Either assumed convo is ended or just not listening, distracted and start doing something else. Yes, it is incredibly rude but when you've been with someone for a long time, they are often the ones you make the least effort with when you're running on empty.

If it was malicious or to gaslight that would be a different matter, but if it's not malicious and just bloody annoying I accept that neither of us are perfect.

I'd say, given his good points, just roll your eyes and put up with it. We're none of us perfect

I agree it’s rude. Possibly strange question is he an only child? My grown up DD was an only until her teens and she will just get up and wander off because she didn’t have anyone to tell she was leaving as a child. She is starting to do it as an adult but it took years for her to realise it was polite.

Your husband could well be on the autistic spectrum in which case he isn't doing it just to be rude though I get its frustrating

Could he be ND? This reminds me of my dad

Late DH did this and after DS2 was diagnosed with ADHD, DH and I both were convinced that he had it too. There was no way he could have changed by then he was late 60s, and he always said he didn't know I was still talking.

If he's not much of a talker it might be difficult to show him how it feels. You would have to ask him a direct question then walk away as he starts to answer. It sounds rude though.

Does he do it to his DC?

My DH is similar, he is neurodiverse. It’s not malicious he just forgets to keep listening 😆 Every one of your comments suggest to me your husband may be too.

I think it’s just his personality. He could be neurodivergent. Yes it’s rude, but if everything else is fine just don’t take it personally. None of us are perfect and definitely not like the perfect man MN think we should all have.

Possibly neurodiverse? Just a thought, could explain things ..

I know everyone hates this question but might he be autistic?
prefers to work on his own
a doer. Not a talker
walks off when he thinks of something wise.
Conflict adverse.
might be rudeness. Might be autistic