What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

[shehardlysleeps]

I’m in a reflective mood, and it’s got me thinking about something I did a few years ago which is probably the thing I’m most deeply ashamed of.

There was a coworker who really rubbed me up the wrong way. I was very unhappy at the time, and going through an awful time personally. She would make snide comments about me, do things with my family members (who were colleagues too) which really got my back up, I felt like she judged me harshly and was pretty rude. Along with another colleague they made three or four very nasty comments which still stick with me.

Instead of raising a grievance, which I should have done, I took to posting about her on another website (along the lines of Mumsnet), not realising she used it too. She saw the posts and reported me, and I ended up facing a meeting with HR and a senior partner of the firm I was working in. It damaged my reputation within the firm forever and I ended up leaving after not being offered a promotion. I still feel ashamed of it now, nearly half a decade on, and feel like it’s tarred me forever.

Whats the worst thing you’ve ever done?

This is really sad, I hope you can forgive yourself for this and that you are doing better now.

I’m not telling you that!!

If you posted about this anonymously in an anonymous forum I don't think you did anything wrong.

The colleague read about the impact of their behaviour on you and went to HR? That is shitty.

Also, grievances don't necessarily get you anywhere. I made a grievance about a colleague and HR ruled in my favour (the panel agreed that he was bullying me and the team) but the colleague received no sanction. Just the offer of training in how to speak to people. He is a devious swine and now he has got worse.

@shehardlysleeps I actually don't think what you did was that bad, and I would have denied all knowledge..... hindsight eh?!
x

Thats very elegant way of dealing with him!
I wish I could use the same trick for a similar problem.

I killed a bird with my car. Not any bird but a fairly unusual bird and really beautiful too. It was a total accident but I’m still upset over it. I haven’t told anyone not even Dh.

Hi honey

Can I have my lucky pants back please?

I'm ashamed of quite a lot of things I did and didn't do when I was at school. It's made me more outspoken as an adult when I see someone being treated poorly, and hopefully nicer myself as well.

Worst ever was purposely deleting a bully's photo out of the school yearbook just before it went to print. Looking back, she had a terrible childhood and she didn't need me deleting her from history on top. I don't personally know what she's like as an adult but I was genuinely happy for her when I heard she qualified in her chosen career.

Lots of poo stories.😂

I got caught short while on a ski trip in Verbier. Was walking back to my hotel at night and suddenly got the stomach cramps that told me I was about to shit myself in about 30 seconds. Zero chance of getting to the hotel, too far away from any bars or restaurants and already as I was kind of doing the Elvis leg dance so ended up diving into some bushes and emerged in a front garden of some very swish looking chalet where I proceeded to do an enormous poo (which is really hard in ski boots) Felt absolutely awful that the owners would would find some massive frozen bum cigar in their gardening the next morning.

Same 🤣

I know this wasn’t intended to be an uplifting thread but this has been enormously helpful for me. I have spent my entire adulthood beating myself up for poor behaviour in the past (usually drink fuelled) to the point I have been very mentally low. I cut off every friendship because I was so ashamed of my behaviour and have spent adult life very lonely with no ties to earlier friendships.

It is very reassuring to read that other people have made mistakes and perhaps I can forgive myself.

I’m not sure what my worst thing is but I was very aggressive when I first started drinking at 18, behaved horrifically to parents and boyfriends. Made much more sense when I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and realised alcohol just wasn’t for me

Just in case anyone has a bird down their chimney and thinks it will be a mess to get it out. This happened to me and there was no mess. It flew straight out an open window.

No, I'm keeping 'em

Actually, seeing this post...I unwillingly killed a sheep back in my own country, by feeding it wet clovers, which it went absolutely crazy for.
At age 5 I had no idea this would be deadly to the animal and sometimes I feel tearful (yes, tearful) about it, 43 years later.
😐

OP, I really don’t think you did anything terrible! You were being bullied and yes, in hindsight, you wish you had raised a grievance. That’s an easy thing to wish five years on! However in the midst of a bullying situation you didn’t respond in that way which is human. I also don’t think that discussing things in an anonymous forum is a terrible thing to have done. It doesn’t sound like you named your employer or named her so actually, only she would have recognised herself! I am astounded that you were the one subjected to HR proceedings rather than them getting to the truth that she had been bullying you (which is the real concern here).

Forgive yourself OP. You are only human.

It didn't occur to anyone to just put covers over the floor and furniture, and then hoover? Like you would if you were having work done in the house?

This reminds me of some joke scratch cards my BIL bought. He gave them to some of the relatives at Christmas (e.g the other BIL) and some of their friends.

The scratch cards made it look like you'd won £250k or similar.

The BIL fell out with some of the people he gave these to.

Shoes on the kitchen counter! if that was me, he would have been under the patio!

An old flame reached out and told me how in love with me he was blah blah blah so I sent the screenshots to his fiancé. I did feel pretty bad because he was RUDE, said she was boring in bed etc but she needed to know. She married him a few weeks later. I wish I had kept my mouth shut to be honest as I think it caused unnecessary upset. Still feel guilty even though it was years ago and they’re still married with kids.

Dead duck day

Blimey that’s tame! Sounds a bit like Theresa May confessing to running through a field of straw !
I’m too embarrassed to admit to everything I’ve done & I’m not sure how to name change !

Oh God, my family and I can laugh about it now,but I still feel so bad for doing it. If someone did it to me, I would not be happy.

I (willingly I guess) went into ping pong bars in Bangkok, Philippines and various other places with an ex boyfriend years ago. looking back they were such sad places with extremely young & sad looking young women dancing around poles, naked etc. I have no doubt now they would have been abused / trafficked.

I thought I was being uber progressive saying yes to him. I now wouldn’t only decline to set foot in a place like that but would very vocally ask why any man worthy of my time would think it even remotely appropriate to be there. I’ve spent time working with anti-slavery groups and the fact I didn’t speak up at the time makes me sad.

the ex in question went on to have extremely loose morals around fidelity and the use of prostitutes. Thankfully I haven’t seen or spoken to him for 20 years. His poor wife now though 🤮

As some previous posters have said....marrying my ex is the worst thing I ever did. Not really done anything that bad to anyone else.....but have certainly thought about doing stuff but then never actually went ahead with it.

There isn't one worst thing. Cheated on partners and also been the OW. Dated a father, then his son. (Son was adorable, still think of him decades later.) Sex with more than one person on same day. Was just a bad person once upon a time. Received plenty of karma. Hated myself. Am a good person now and the idea of sex repulses me.