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Original poster

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

788 replies

shehardlysleeps · 20/04/2026 17:18

I’m in a reflective mood, and it’s got me thinking about something I did a few years ago which is probably the thing I’m most deeply ashamed of.

There was a coworker who really rubbed me up the wrong way. I was very unhappy at the time, and going through an awful time personally. She would make snide comments about me, do things with my family members (who were colleagues too) which really got my back up, I felt like she judged me harshly and was pretty rude. Along with another colleague they made three or four very nasty comments which still stick with me.

Instead of raising a grievance, which I should have done, I took to posting about her on another website (along the lines of Mumsnet), not realising she used it too. She saw the posts and reported me, and I ended up facing a meeting with HR and a senior partner of the firm I was working in. It damaged my reputation within the firm forever and I ended up leaving after not being offered a promotion. I still feel ashamed of it now, nearly half a decade on, and feel like it’s tarred me forever.

Whats the worst thing you’ve ever done?

OP posts:
Livpool · 21/04/2026 14:42

Tredadt · 21/04/2026 04:58

My daughter graduated 2 years ago. She's shy and very quiet and she struggled to find a job. I' was worried about her and wanted her settled. In the meantime, I got her working in my admin team at work in a local authority via an agency. I manage the admin team though don't directly line manage them. Weird set up but worked out perfectly.

I knew that a new role was being created which is a higher grade than the admin officers in my team. I gave my daughter full access to restricted areas meant for senior management and trained her fully in my role and also in everything for the new role. I wrote the job description tailoring it to the tasks my daughter does and to her strengths. The admin team only knew about it 6m before it was signed off. They requested to see the JD but were refused.

I fobbed off any requests for training from the admin officers in my team only focussing on my daughter's development. Poor things, asked so many times, lol. The job was advertised and my daughter obviously got it..She is now a senior member of my team and we work alongside each other.

The job is pretty good and will probably set her up for life in a very nice department in a good field. When I retire, she will take on my work.

This is awful - the lack of remorse is shocking. I hope your daughter fails, as she is as bad as you for excepting this.

DoughnutDreamer · 21/04/2026 14:43

I used to teach, and the headteacher at the school I worked at was not only useless, but also really unpleasant to all the staff members who didn’t kiss her arse. She surrounded herself with arse lickers who did everything she told them to- most of them were utterly useless teachers who were scared of losing their jobs so they stayed close to her and massaged her ego in the hope she wouldn’t try and get rid of them.

Anyway, she did something to me that made me furious as it made me look incompetent in front of the parents (it was actually another staff member who had cocked up but she was one of the “favourites” so I got blamed). So I bided my time and whilst I was on maternity leave I heard from my TA (a good friend of mine) that the headteacher had gone away on holiday a few days before the end of term- presumably to get cheaper flights. She had told the staff she was going to a “headteacher’s conference” during those few days to explain her absence. She’d been doing this for years and we all knew it was a lie because the bursar knew the truth and spread it about. The headteacher was also very cutthroat about parents taking their kids out of the school early for cheap holidays and instigated fining them left, right and centre.

So anyway, I sent an anonymous email to one of the governors who I knew had had run ins with the headteacher basically saying that I had seen the headteacher at such and such airport (the one she always used) on a specific date and said how unfair it was that the headteacher was having cheaper holidays but fining the parents for doing the same.

Anyway, a few weeks later my TA contacted me to say that something was going on with the headteacher as the governors had come into school for a number of meetings with the headteacher and the headteacher was all out of sorts, her cheeks were bright red and she was in a foul mood. Then she contacted me to tell me the bursar had told her that a parent had seen the headteacher at an airport and the governors were giving her grief about taking holidays during term time. I was like “oh really…how terrible for the headteacher” whilst sniggering to myself.

Anyway, it all blew over and by the time I returned to work it was back to normal again and business as usual with her being a complete arse. But she never took another term time holiday again.

Ihateboris · 21/04/2026 14:43

Tredadt · 21/04/2026 04:58

My daughter graduated 2 years ago. She's shy and very quiet and she struggled to find a job. I' was worried about her and wanted her settled. In the meantime, I got her working in my admin team at work in a local authority via an agency. I manage the admin team though don't directly line manage them. Weird set up but worked out perfectly.

I knew that a new role was being created which is a higher grade than the admin officers in my team. I gave my daughter full access to restricted areas meant for senior management and trained her fully in my role and also in everything for the new role. I wrote the job description tailoring it to the tasks my daughter does and to her strengths. The admin team only knew about it 6m before it was signed off. They requested to see the JD but were refused.

I fobbed off any requests for training from the admin officers in my team only focussing on my daughter's development. Poor things, asked so many times, lol. The job was advertised and my daughter obviously got it..She is now a senior member of my team and we work alongside each other.

The job is pretty good and will probably set her up for life in a very nice department in a good field. When I retire, she will take on my work.

You are morally bankrupt and utter scum

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/04/2026 14:44

Katemax82 · 21/04/2026 13:11

Just remembered one...I was working in Clarke's shoes. A couple came in with a baby and a 3 year old. I fitted the baby with shoes and the 3 year old wanted new shoes but I got the feeling the couple weren't keen on spending too much. I checked his shoes and said he still had growing room because they were only going to buy new ones if he had outgrown his. I was also keen to not appear to be trying to make them spend money. The kid cried at not getting new shoes and I still feel rubbish about it. I should have just said yes he needs new shoes and not cared if the parents could afford it

You did the right thing.

Nollie · 21/04/2026 14:47

SerafinasGoose · 21/04/2026 14:41

I've never assaulted or abused anyone, so don't get to claim a 'worst' in that way. But my own personal worsts are things I'm so ashamed of that I have never talked about them before, other than in therapy. The most serious were either sins of omission, or issues stemming from screwed up boundaries and attachment style (some terrible things were done to me in childhood; I have cPTSD) which hurt others and ruined some of my earlier relationships.

Then I lost my mum - my anchor; I had an abusive father - to a highly aggressive brain cancer when I was in my 20s. She, I and my DB were all NC with my father. At that point I wasn't a child, but caring for a terminally ill patient was beyond my remit at that age and I quickly found myself (as the female child) the one with the bulk of the responsibility.

I didn't have time to fuck that up. She died within mere weeks of the first symptoms presenting themselves, and we were as close as a mother and daughter could be. Nothing was left unsaid and I'm not left with guilt about not loving her as much as I could whilst she was still alive. But after that happened - my aunt had died 18 months before and my maternal grandparents therefore outlived both their children - my grandfather developed dementia - unclocked by me at first as I was dealing with other things. He went quite literally off his head with grief. This was around 4 years before his actual death and whilst I did my best I'm not at all sure I supported him as well as I might have. I had bills to pay and other sick family members to care for.

In the interim, my grandmother already had MND when my mother was diagnosed, and went into a decline after her death. It really was the worst thing I've ever witnessed: such a cruel disease. By the end she was begging to die. She wanted me to help her. I think my mother might have (She died 6 months to the day before my grandmother) but I stalled. I'd never heard of Dignitas at that age, and couldn't have afforded it if I had. And I couldn't raise a hand against her to help her, even though I knew that was what she wanted. I was afraid of facing a murder charge. So I discovered something about myself that I never previously knew: that when the chips are down, I'm a coward.

I've lived with that knowledge ever since and never been able to dispel the guilt.

It's been 23 years.

O my dear. You absolutely did nothing wrong. You coped as best you could, and it strikes me you did bloody well, considering what you were up against. You are not a coward. A coward would have packed her bags for a job on the other side of the country and washed her hands of everything. You should be proud that you stayed and did the best you could.

HobGobblynne · 21/04/2026 14:47

Reported someone for benefit fraud. It was the right thing to do, but I only did it because I was jealous of the lifestyle she had rather than the morality if I'm honest with myself.

AttentionPlease · 21/04/2026 14:48

SerafinasGoose · 21/04/2026 14:41

I've never assaulted or abused anyone, so don't get to claim a 'worst' in that way. But my own personal worsts are things I'm so ashamed of that I have never talked about them before, other than in therapy. The most serious were either sins of omission, or issues stemming from screwed up boundaries and attachment style (some terrible things were done to me in childhood; I have cPTSD) which hurt others and ruined some of my earlier relationships.

Then I lost my mum - my anchor; I had an abusive father - to a highly aggressive brain cancer when I was in my 20s. She, I and my DB were all NC with my father. At that point I wasn't a child, but caring for a terminally ill patient was beyond my remit at that age and I quickly found myself (as the female child) the one with the bulk of the responsibility.

I didn't have time to fuck that up. She died within mere weeks of the first symptoms presenting themselves, and we were as close as a mother and daughter could be. Nothing was left unsaid and I'm not left with guilt about not loving her as much as I could whilst she was still alive. But after that happened - my aunt had died 18 months before and my maternal grandparents therefore outlived both their children - my grandfather developed dementia - unclocked by me at first as I was dealing with other things. He went quite literally off his head with grief. This was around 4 years before his actual death and whilst I did my best I'm not at all sure I supported him as well as I might have. I had bills to pay and other sick family members to care for.

In the interim, my grandmother already had MND when my mother was diagnosed, and went into a decline after her death. It really was the worst thing I've ever witnessed: such a cruel disease. By the end she was begging to die. She wanted me to help her. I think my mother might have (She died 6 months to the day before my grandmother) but I stalled. I'd never heard of Dignitas at that age, and couldn't have afforded it if I had. And I couldn't raise a hand against her to help her, even though I knew that was what she wanted. I was afraid of facing a murder charge. So I discovered something about myself that I never previously knew: that when the chips are down, I'm a coward.

I've lived with that knowledge ever since and never been able to dispel the guilt.

It's been 23 years.

I wouldn’t call that at all cowardly, @SerafinasGoose — ‘help me kill myself and then deal with facing a murder charge alone after my death’ isn’t something anyone should be asking. I think you sound admirable. 💐

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/04/2026 14:52

ThatCyanCat · 21/04/2026 14:18

Because of what you'd done? Ended it with a boyfriend when you started uni?

Your parents made you think that was a terrible thing to do?

Show quote history

It's quite a normal thing to do.

ERthree · 21/04/2026 14:54

Seabubbles · 20/04/2026 20:14

This is going to my grave and in my 40s I am still chewed up with guilt. When I was 19 a friend of mine had started seeing this bloke and was really into him. He was French and bloody drop dead gorgeous.
Me had my friend worked together and on a Monday morning I came to work and she was so upset because she hadn't heard from him all weekend and just felt he wasn't into her.
I consoled her, beginning to seriously regret the cold hard reality that I had met up with him for a drink Friday night and we'd stayed in bed in a hotel literally all weekend until Monday morning, and it remains up there with the most passionate, exciting and naughty sex I've ever had. He went back to Paris not long after as he got fired from his job and got a new job at a posh hotel there.
That was over 25 years ago and my friend still genuinely has no idea and I do feel like such a shit, I've honestly tried to pluck up the courage to confess a few times but I know she would never speak to me again, not necessarily because of the guy, but because of my level of betrayal. I'm now married with Children and still ashamed of myself.

Do not tell her. You will hurt her so much and you will feel even more guilt not less.

SerafinasGoose · 21/04/2026 14:55

AttentionPlease · 21/04/2026 14:48

I wouldn’t call that at all cowardly, @SerafinasGoose — ‘help me kill myself and then deal with facing a murder charge alone after my death’ isn’t something anyone should be asking. I think you sound admirable. 💐

Show quote history

I don't think she ever asked me directly in that sense, but she did once tell my grandfather she wanted 'the green stuff', whatever that was. I do think that was a direct request - to him, that is. But I also do know that she wanted to die, and I felt terrible about it. I think I've simply assumed that as a burden of responsiblity on myself.

Because she couldn't speak she had to write down everything - the mention of the green stuff was in her notebooks. They were the last communication from her that I have but I don't think I've kept them all. I don't think I could bear to read them even now.

But yes, thank you, your reply has set me thinking. I have a child now too, and this not a burden of responsibility I'd ever, ever want to leave them grappling with once I'm gone.

As you can imagine, I'm very pro voluntary euthanasia.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/04/2026 14:55

Nollie · 21/04/2026 14:47

O my dear. You absolutely did nothing wrong. You coped as best you could, and it strikes me you did bloody well, considering what you were up against. You are not a coward. A coward would have packed her bags for a job on the other side of the country and washed her hands of everything. You should be proud that you stayed and did the best you could.

Show quote history

This.

SheThinksShesAllThat · 21/04/2026 14:58

Nollie · 21/04/2026 08:16

For various reasons, I got ignored a lot in my childhood. I would have loved my parents to show an interest, to be friendly and supportive. I could have done (and did do) anything and there never seemed to be any consequences or acknowledgement of what I'd done. It was lonely and I felt (I knew) that I didn't really matter to my family.

Show quote history

Oh I’m sorry to hear that. X

SerafinasGoose · 21/04/2026 14:59

SheThinksShesAllThat · 21/04/2026 14:58

Oh I’m sorry to hear that. X

Show quote history

I, too.

VaxMerstappen · 21/04/2026 14:59

I let slip to my best friend's ex that my friend had moved on and already got with someone else days after ending she'd ended their 7-year relationship.

I was pretty horrified by it really, because my friend had started meeting up with her new man even before she'd ended her relationship, and had assured him it was just a friendship. Her ex was pretty blindsided by the break up and was still hoping they'd get back together, so I felt it was best to let him know the reality. He'd had suspicions about this other guy and asked me whether he was correct.

Unfortunately, despite telling him in confidence, he ended up blabbing - so of course, my best friend found out that I'd already told him, and was hurt by it. Three years later, she's still with the same person - and he still doesn't trust me, apparently.

Looking back, I shouldn't have got involved and just kept my mouth shut. I was just so surprised by my friend and how she treated her ex, and felt sorry for him that she'd act like that.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/04/2026 15:10

I worked in a department store in France for the summer. It was really boring as everyone went on holiday in August so there were hardly any customers and the staff were really snotty and gave me the shit jobs. One of them was dusting the shirts in cellophane packets and when my hands got really dirty I would wipe them on the shirt, fold it up neatly and put it back in the packet. No-one said anything so I assume that by the time they were sold and people complained, I was long gone.

tooashamed26 · 21/04/2026 15:11

NC for this as anyone who knows me knows this story!

When I was about 18 I went to a house party and there was a girl there who was really rude. I took her digital camera off the table and formatted the SD card so it wiped all of her pics.

Still feel guilty about it to this day, and I am now 40+.

Newyearawaits · 21/04/2026 15:11

Tredadt · 21/04/2026 04:58

My daughter graduated 2 years ago. She's shy and very quiet and she struggled to find a job. I' was worried about her and wanted her settled. In the meantime, I got her working in my admin team at work in a local authority via an agency. I manage the admin team though don't directly line manage them. Weird set up but worked out perfectly.

I knew that a new role was being created which is a higher grade than the admin officers in my team. I gave my daughter full access to restricted areas meant for senior management and trained her fully in my role and also in everything for the new role. I wrote the job description tailoring it to the tasks my daughter does and to her strengths. The admin team only knew about it 6m before it was signed off. They requested to see the JD but were refused.

I fobbed off any requests for training from the admin officers in my team only focussing on my daughter's development. Poor things, asked so many times, lol. The job was advertised and my daughter obviously got it..She is now a senior member of my team and we work alongside each other.

The job is pretty good and will probably set her up for life in a very nice department in a good field. When I retire, she will take on my work.

This is deceitful in the extreme

HelenaWaiting · 21/04/2026 15:13

HaveYouHadYourBreak · 20/04/2026 21:40

I've done lots of things I'm ashamed of and/or embarrassed about. I'd like to think I've grown and learned and wouldn't do them now.

I think that goes without saying for every poster here. I certainly don't go around cutting people's pony tails off.

ainsleysanob · 21/04/2026 15:39

Tredadt · 21/04/2026 04:58

My daughter graduated 2 years ago. She's shy and very quiet and she struggled to find a job. I' was worried about her and wanted her settled. In the meantime, I got her working in my admin team at work in a local authority via an agency. I manage the admin team though don't directly line manage them. Weird set up but worked out perfectly.

I knew that a new role was being created which is a higher grade than the admin officers in my team. I gave my daughter full access to restricted areas meant for senior management and trained her fully in my role and also in everything for the new role. I wrote the job description tailoring it to the tasks my daughter does and to her strengths. The admin team only knew about it 6m before it was signed off. They requested to see the JD but were refused.

I fobbed off any requests for training from the admin officers in my team only focussing on my daughter's development. Poor things, asked so many times, lol. The job was advertised and my daughter obviously got it..She is now a senior member of my team and we work alongside each other.

The job is pretty good and will probably set her up for life in a very nice department in a good field. When I retire, she will take on my work.

The only thing that’s ‘lol’ about this is when it comes to your daughter having to get a job of her own at some point and failing miserably because she’s not clever, bright or motivated enough to do it herself because her silly mother thought she was doing her a favour! Bless her, never really ever going to amount to much is she. What a failed adulthood! lol.

ToffeePennie · 21/04/2026 15:43

cheekynamechang3 · 21/04/2026 07:57

I honestly think it's on these friends not you. Unless you identified the friends or something.

So many people post like this in mumsnet don't they? "I want to do x,y,z but my friends think its crazy. What do you think?". It's a sanity check.

If this group dropped you over that, all of them, they're not real friends.

If it makes you feel better, I had a group of friends like you describe, about 13 years ago. I thought we were all fantastic friends and then one of them just stopped replying to me and putting me off when I asked to see her. She moved out of the area and had a big leaving party and didn't invite me and I don't know why to this day. I don't really see any of them anymore anyway as 2 moved away and we all went back to work.

Hugs to you, please don't blame yourself for this. You are not lacking in some way as a human being. This is definitely a "them" problem.

Show quote history

I did not “out” them at all. It was a post saying “I think that x activity would be good for (then 9 month old) son, but it has been mentioned by a friend that it’s not a good idea for him, without a and b being involved. Am I nuts for still wanting him to do x? Can I have an insane check?? Thanks” I was thrown over because so many people replied with “well I wouldn’t have an issue with x activity, it sounds like a good thing, maybe your friend is insecure” or “yes it’s a good idea, your friend clearly has issues”
In hindsight, some of the ladies were very insecure and had boundary issues and problems within their marriages which would make them feel very unstable, but it was and is the opposite for me, which is why we had seen it as a such a different thing.
I'm sorry you had similar with your friendship group. I am in therapy (a LOT of therapy) where this is bought up as a massive start to my negative thoughts about myself. Sadly, I don’t think they will ever go away, but at least I can sleep knowing I tried to be a good mother and a good friend, even if they chose not to be.

AttentionPlease · 21/04/2026 15:47

ToffeePennie · 21/04/2026 15:43

I did not “out” them at all. It was a post saying “I think that x activity would be good for (then 9 month old) son, but it has been mentioned by a friend that it’s not a good idea for him, without a and b being involved. Am I nuts for still wanting him to do x? Can I have an insane check?? Thanks” I was thrown over because so many people replied with “well I wouldn’t have an issue with x activity, it sounds like a good thing, maybe your friend is insecure” or “yes it’s a good idea, your friend clearly has issues”
In hindsight, some of the ladies were very insecure and had boundary issues and problems within their marriages which would make them feel very unstable, but it was and is the opposite for me, which is why we had seen it as a such a different thing.
I'm sorry you had similar with your friendship group. I am in therapy (a LOT of therapy) where this is bought up as a massive start to my negative thoughts about myself. Sadly, I don’t think they will ever go away, but at least I can sleep knowing I tried to be a good mother and a good friend, even if they chose not to be.

Show quote history

But in what way were the online opinions of total strangers your fault? That's like blaming someone for inviting you to a party at which a mean person got angry drunk and insulted your shoes.

ToffeePennie · 21/04/2026 15:51

AttentionPlease · 21/04/2026 15:47

But in what way were the online opinions of total strangers your fault? That's like blaming someone for inviting you to a party at which a mean person got angry drunk and insulted your shoes.

Show quote history

Honestly, I think I was in such a mess anyway. My baby was 9 months old, we had just found out I was being made redundant, forced to move in with my parents and in-laws, my husband was told to “step up” his workload (he already did more than legally allowed) and I had been through bad pre and post natal depression, I just took it on myself that by asking, but even putting it out there, by questioning what my friends had said that it was 100% my fault. I dared to question their opinions on something and for that I deserve punishment…

Onefortheroad25 · 21/04/2026 15:56

StMichaelPenkevil · 20/04/2026 21:41

Show quote history

Ha! No it wasn’t Henry Percy!

cheekynamechang3 · 21/04/2026 15:56

ToffeePennie · 21/04/2026 15:43

I did not “out” them at all. It was a post saying “I think that x activity would be good for (then 9 month old) son, but it has been mentioned by a friend that it’s not a good idea for him, without a and b being involved. Am I nuts for still wanting him to do x? Can I have an insane check?? Thanks” I was thrown over because so many people replied with “well I wouldn’t have an issue with x activity, it sounds like a good thing, maybe your friend is insecure” or “yes it’s a good idea, your friend clearly has issues”
In hindsight, some of the ladies were very insecure and had boundary issues and problems within their marriages which would make them feel very unstable, but it was and is the opposite for me, which is why we had seen it as a such a different thing.
I'm sorry you had similar with your friendship group. I am in therapy (a LOT of therapy) where this is bought up as a massive start to my negative thoughts about myself. Sadly, I don’t think they will ever go away, but at least I can sleep knowing I tried to be a good mother and a good friend, even if they chose not to be.

Show quote history

I saw a few other posts supporting you. Hopefully you'll take comfort in the fact you did nothing wrong. I.e. it was them not you :)

LadyVioletBridgerton · 21/04/2026 15:58

When my ex-colleague used to piss me off, I’d spit in her milk. I’m so embarrassed by that 😳