Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Coparent keeps signing kids up to activities on my parenting time, then demanding money

58 replies

hotrocks84 · 19/04/2026 21:51

Fuming! Help me to find a way to manage this so the kids get what they'd like and I dont lose my mind.

Ex quite controlling (hence ex). He makes a lot more money than me. We do 50:50. Every term he signs the kids up to do activities on the days the kids are with me, without consulting me. He then demands that I take the kids and that I pay him.

This term he's really extended on this theme by booking the kids into activities that take 4 hours each at the weekend, often at the same time and in different places. This is on top of two weeknight classes both on my contact days. He's also demanding that on weekends that he has the kids, I help with lifts.

I love my kids. I want them to do nice things that they enjoy (and that I couldn't afford for them). I just want to be ASKED FIRST.

Feel this puts me in a horrible bind because I want the kids to enjoy their hobby but also I dont want him to feel he can continue to dictate what kids and i do with our money and time now that we've separated.

We have been separated for years. Have asked time and again for him to consult me. Usually end up meeting him in the middle re costs and logistics to make it not awkward for the kids.

How do I stop this nonsense? Is there anything I can try to make him respect my time and role more?

OP posts:
Pinkyponkyp · 20/04/2026 16:48

I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask you to pay, but if, for example, they both have a football match at the same time on his week, I’d make the effort to take one of them. He should do the same on your week. That’s what you’d do if you were still together.

My children’s father wouldn’t take them to their activities on his time, and the result is that they stopped staying with him as soon as they had a choice.

Ophy83 · 20/04/2026 16:58

Tell them the court said that he looks after them on those weekends so you have made plans (and if you can - make some plans! Just for a few weekends to break the habit - breezily inform him that you are going away and he will have to make alternative transportation arrangements)

TheLemonLemur · 20/04/2026 17:36

On your time he doesn't get to dictate activities or that you pay. Our custody arrangements mean every 3rd week an activity I booked falls on ex time - I pay and make him aware of the activity time but if he doesn't want to take dc or they have plans its not an issue I would never demand he take dc to it

SunnyRedSnail · 20/04/2026 17:42

@hotrocks84 I voted YABU because you said its 50/50, but didn't say how that is split. You then mention 'his weekend' so it implies one week each.

In that case then surely any activity would be one week on his time and the next on your time?

So by refusing, then the kids couldn't do any activities which would be really unfair.

HollyhockDays · 20/04/2026 17:44

hotrocks84 · 19/04/2026 22:24

Am definitely planning to tell him to sling his hook! And that he needs to respect the custody arrangement.

Could do with advice on how to explain this to the kids. Have told them in the past I cant afford stuff and they're fine with that. But what I need is an explanation for the kids about why I won't be ferrying them on their weekends with dad. I'm really worried that he'll say oh your mum had the chance to see you play today, but she said no, so now you can't go. Not sure what to do about that.

Did he come to watch them on “your” weekends?

Ohnobackagain · 20/04/2026 17:54

I think you can be honest without being really ‘rude’ about him if you know what I mean?

Explain that when Dad has them he decides where they go and when you have them, you are in charge. If anything that happens every week is to be done, it needs to be agreed between you ‘because that is what being a grown-up means’.

Also you are allowed to say no to your kids; it helps them understand nothing’s a given, that life can be complicated and so on.

And as they get older you can also explain clearly and without malice, that one of the reasons you are not together is because Dad was sometimes controlling and this is another example of that @hotrocks84

Absolutely not about slagging off the other parent etc but also is about setting boundaries for the kids, for him and because you are the boss of your own household, not him and not the kids. You don’t want them thinking what he does is normal or following his crap role model!

Hatty65 · 20/04/2026 17:58

But what I need is an explanation for the kids about why I won't be ferrying them on their weekends with dad. I'm really worried that he'll say oh your mum had the chance to see you play today, but she said no, so now you can't go. Not sure what to do about that.

"Did Daddy say that? Unfortunately Mummy had already made plans for today/had an appointment today/had work to do today. It's Daddy's time with you. Why didn't Daddy take you? I'm not sure why you couldn't go, sweethearts. You'll need to ask Daddy why you couldn't go to something when he had you. Mummy and Daddy have separate time with you"

OwlOfBrown · 20/04/2026 18:32

If it's something the kids want to do, then it might be reasonable to agree to take them on your time when you don't have other plans.

Do not take them during his contact time. It's up to him to work out the logistics when it's his time.

Do not agree to pay for clubs he has signed them up to. Tell him that he needs to pay for any activities he chooses for them. If it's a case of the club asking for subscriptions to be paid, simply tell them that their father is the person who pays for the club and ask them to contact him. That's what I do in these situations with my Brownies

New posts on this thread. Refresh page