MIL comment’s to DD

[Mrsupanddown]

MIL & FIL live 45 minutes away. They have their other grandchildren quite regularly. BIL went through a divorce so naturally they stepped in and supported him and he’s always lived close to them for support.

MIL seen DD yesterday at a bbq and she said it’s so nice to see you. She also makes comments to DH that she hasn’t seen DD in a while.

There is absolutely nothing stopping her from spending time with the grandchildren. If she rang i would bring them over and pick them up. They know me and DH are going through a lot at the moment due to my health conditions and there is still no offer. But will take the other grandchildren football and they Usually stay over after.

Everytime I bring it up to DH that I think it’s a joke that she keeps making these comments he flips his lid. DH backs his mum 100% you can not say anything to him about it. It’s always oh you know mum doesn’t like to visit people blardy blah or we don’t know what’s going on her life.

AIBU? Or am I being snappy

Sorry, she said “it’s nice to see you”? I don’t understand the problem…

‘There is absolutely nothing stopping her from spending time with the grandchildren. If she rang i would bring them over and pick them up’

do you ring her to see if they want to come to you etc to see them?

She only said its nice to see you. That's nothing.

She said “it’s so nice to see you”? What a terrible evil grandmother she is 🙄
You are being unreasonable and I’m not surprised your husband is annoyed with you complaining about his mother.

What on earth is the problem? This makes no sense at all.

I get what you are saying, I had family like thissl who would say things like I was beginning to forget what you looked like etc but they only dont see me often as the effort was always my side and I wouldn't see them unless I made the effort.

Honestly? She said “it’s nice to see you.”
You’re making her into a villain for zero reason. Stop being miserable.

She says it like she’s a stranger to the children. She can have them whenever she wants too. She visits BIL who lives 5 minutes away from us and doesn’t visit us. I have a good relationship with her but recently I’m fed up.

You haven’t written it op, but are we to take it that the tone was ‘its sooooooo nice to seeeeee you’ in a sarcastic way, rather than what could have been perfectly pleasant as per the actual words?

Yes!!!!! Spot on. Winds me right up.

Making a mental note that when I see my grandchildren tomorrow I won't say "it's nice to see you " or "I've not seen you in a while".

dont worry yourself 😊

Well do you invite her op?

your posts are all very cryptic, remember we know nothing of this situation, so if this is how you communicate in real life, I can see how it might be a problem.

Did you forget to add the unpleasant thing that she said? Or do you mean that she said it sarcastically? Because on the face of it “it’s so nice to see you” is a nice thing to say.

How often do you see your grandchildren? And do you make an effort?? I’m sure you wouldn’t say to your children you see regularly “ohhh it’s so nice to see you”

I actually don't see them as often as I should and they live very close.

They whinge a lot so I dont stay too long 😁

I know exactly what you mean. Its a way of comunicating some people do. Very annoying and one sided. My brother does this 'I haven't seen you for ages', when he makes zero effort. Its up to your husband to maintain the MIL relationship, not you!

@Mrsupanddown I get what you are saying.
Im reminded of neighbours of mine who go away a lot. When they are at home they often say “Where have you been we haven’t seen you for ages” as if it’s me that’s rarely ever visible.
And the weird difference between happily making an effort for other grandchildren but not the same for yours, I understand.

Whatever you are trying to say, it hasn't really come across.

She's not the devil incarnate surely for saying "it's nice to see you" unless it was said in a particularly sarcastic tone. Was it or wasn't it?

What was your DD's opinion, if any? Was she bothered or not? If not then there's probably no issue.

Another ‘my MIL doesn’t look after my children’ one? She said it was nice to see your DD. How has that offended you?

I understand OP. It’s a dig. Passive aggressive comment. Loaded. I also understand that others won’t see it because on the surface it’s a pleasant enough comment. Problem is sometimes these comments from her will actually be nice comments and not digs but because there’s history we can read into them - sometimes incorrectly. The only way we can manage this is to believe they aren’t loaded comments and they were actually said nicely. It’s not bothering MIL, you won’t change her, so maybe think how you can change your reaction to it so it bugs you less. I’m still trying!!!

Do you know the MIL personally then? You seem to be projecting a fuck ton onto this situation

My mil she’s dramatic tears when she leaves but then doesn’t call, speak to dc (older teens) or make any effort to visit more than once a year. We do live 4 hours away but they are retired and could pop down for a weekend. We used to go to them, pay for hotels and all the young dc stuff with 3 dc and I got to the point that I was done making all the effort. Dh agreed and is sad because my parents are over an hour away, df has cancer, yet they will drop everything to come and watch dc in dance shows or take us out for a meal etc.

I know mil loves dc but I just remind myself that so I don’t get bitter and cross. Frankly, my girls are awesome and she’s missing out!

Sometimes things get lost in translation. Maybe BIL asks for help and you don’t . Maybe make the first move and see if that changes things.

Have you ever asked her??

She’s not psychic and presumably BIL actually makes the effort to communicate with her rather than expecting her to magically know what he wants