MIL comment’s to DD

[Mrsupanddown]

MIL & FIL live 45 minutes away. They have their other grandchildren quite regularly. BIL went through a divorce so naturally they stepped in and supported him and he’s always lived close to them for support.

MIL seen DD yesterday at a bbq and she said it’s so nice to see you. She also makes comments to DH that she hasn’t seen DD in a while.

There is absolutely nothing stopping her from spending time with the grandchildren. If she rang i would bring them over and pick them up. They know me and DH are going through a lot at the moment due to my health conditions and there is still no offer. But will take the other grandchildren football and they Usually stay over after.

Everytime I bring it up to DH that I think it’s a joke that she keeps making these comments he flips his lid. DH backs his mum 100% you can not say anything to him about it. It’s always oh you know mum doesn’t like to visit people blardy blah or we don’t know what’s going on her life.

AIBU? Or am I being snappy

What has happened on MN that everyone is out to maul you by deliberately misunderstanding?!! You've been completely clear that it's a veiled attempt to make them the victims, they don't see these grandchildren, poor them. I had the same myself and it really grating especially when DH doesn't support you. Be 'gushing'! Bombard them with messages to say how lovely it is that they want more contact with their grandchildren! Ask for dates and times, tell your DH to take them round, tell your DC that in laws want to see them 👍👍

I completely understand OP. Other half’s parents have seen DC maybe twice in the last year (they live 45 min away) 1 of these times being to exchange Christmas gifts. They’ve seen his sisters kids probably every week (also live 45min away). I’ve given up trying. It’s not your job to create a relationship between them and their GC, if they wanted to they would.

My dad’s family would never have seen me if my mum hadn’t phoned them up and taken me round to see them.
My granny never ever once came to my mum & dad’s house where I lived from age 4-19.
Not once.
I have no idea why. Always pleased to see me when I was taken there but never once phoned/asked to see me.
@Mrsupanddown let your husband deal with her since he’s ’on her side’. You deal with your side.

Ignore her and let H deal (or not deal) with his mother.

My mil is wonderful she still does not offer to have the children. I expect bil has asked for help.

could you not say to your DH your mum was clearly pleased to see DD and as she mentioned to you she hadn't seen DD in a while, could you arrange for DD to see her soon/more often,take her there or invite her here?

I'm a MIL and always wait for an invitation from my son to go to see them . I always think that they are so busy with full time demanding jobs and my gc that it's a pain to have me just dropping in . I always babysit when they ask and pick gc up from school when needed . Perhaps your Mil feels like she has to be asked and cannot just drop in . Maybe you should just ask her over .

Do you invite her?

I rarely ask my DDs if I can come round or them come round for a coffee or lunch, because I know they're busy and I don't want to sound needy, or make them feel they've got to let me come round when they'd rather be doing something else.

I bet that your BIL actually calls them and invites them round.

I hadn't seen @Contrarymary30 's post when I made mine, but yes, she put it better and it's exactly that for me.

If this is upsetting your DD then I would speak to MiL privately. Take her aside and say something along the lines of - "I understand your time is your to do as you please with, so I'm not suggesting you should put as much effort into seeing DD as you do [BiL's DC], but it is rude, hurtful and unkind of you to bring it to DD's attention every time we come over. Please stop or I will stop bringing her."

But otherwise, I would roll my eyes and let it wash over me. You can't change her and what she says only has the power you give it. So don't give it any power. Just let it inform how you think of her.

I'd be more concerned about DH's response to you talking about it, though. Is there perhaps something else going on? Is BiL the golden child and DH just trying not to acknowledge how unfair his parents have been? Or could there be something going on with BiL that you aren't aware of?

Ask MIL to have your children for a few hours to help you. Some MILs like to be asked

Invite her over for dinner occasionally and spend some time with them.