My children

[Sarahthehelper]

I inherited a house from my parents , I am the sole beneficiary of their will , but It was always agreed that when sold I would give a quarter each to my 2 children
my gripe is my husband and I are spending every weekend clearing it ,multiple trips to the tip , charity shop ect , as well ass sorting my parents bills and all the legal stuffalso my poor husband who has been in ill health is sorting minor diy stuff out , while my children and their partners are having lovely weekends waiting for their inheritance, not once offering to help in any way
AIBU to resent my children ,

Have you told them if they want a share they need to pull their finger out?

If so and they refused, don’t give them anything.

It’s pretty simple.

Have you told them how much work there is to do? Have you asked them for help?

Leave their share to them in your own will, so in order to get their money they have to put in the work that you’re putting in now?

Have you told them that their help is required? Non negotiable

It’s impossible to vote really until the OP answers this.

Exactly - either they were told there were strings attached to their inheritance or they weren't. They might be completely oblivious.

This.

Sometimes people just need a clear message.

So you could:

• say you are incurring costs to do this so you are going to be recording them and taking this from the sale price OR
• explain there is a lot to do, write a list and ask them what quarter they would like to either do themselves or pay for labour to get done and arrange it themselves OR
• be a martyr, as you are OP

Why didn't you just get a clearence company we did with DM house. Do you have to do the DIY we just sold it as needing work. Pay someone to do everything and take it off their inheritance.

if you’re executor you can charge them time. It’s worth also pointing out to them that the house won’t reach a good sale price if it’s not well cleaned and sorted so ask what they will contribute / do

Ask for their help, pay a clearance company, handyman or decorators, or pay yourselves a fair hourly rate.

Clearance companies are great value.

This.

What conversations have you had with your children about this?

Is the agreement actually written anywhere or just an understanding?

if it’s not in the will you don’t have to do anything and don’t have to give them the money. If you really wanted to you could hold the money for them and then dole it out when they need something rather than just hand it over

in the meantime why the rush to sort everything? Why not pay someone and take it from the funds so they get a reduced figure?

What have you asked of your DC, OP?

In my book they get the benefit of the doubt until you make it clear that between them they need to do half the work. Let them figure out how, as long as they are timely. The options are:

They can do this work themselves,

or

You will hire someone to do it, and the cost will come from their share of the sale price.

Best run this option by your solicitor. If you are not legally obliged to pass on any of the sale price, I would be surprised if there is a problem

or

As @curious79 says, if you are the executor you are well within your rights to charge the estate for your efforts. This may be the most profitable option of all, for you.

or

Perhaps someone will think of a better option.

Any of these is greatly preferable to sitting around feeling resentful. You are playing the stronger hand in every way. Use it wisely and your problem is solved - except that your DC may resent you. That’s not rational and if it happens, they need to grow up.

Best wishes

@Sarahthehelper
Have you specifically said you want them to be part of the process of sorting out after your parent’s death, and what that entails?

We’re not a transactional family though. If I need my children’s help I know they will always help me if they can, independently of whether they stand to gain anything from it.
But I ask for help, and communicate what I need help with. I don’t just sit by wishing they would read my mind and getting upset that they don’t.
To be honest it never crossed my mind to help with my grand parent’s house and affairs.

Why not ask them for help ?

You don’t get to decide how they spend their time. I say this because DM micromanages everything we try and do with her. She makes everything ten times harder than it needs to be, then complains no one will help her. We helped. Many times. But she chose not to achieve anything on those many occasions.

If the house needs clearing before they can benefit from it, have a conversation along the lines of ‘Right, how shall we do this, then?’.
Don’t expect them to turn up every weekend for months on end regardless of their own plans, without letting them have input into the process.

Communication is key.

Be specific. Son can you do X. Daughter can you do Y. No, ok well we will pay Z to do it out of your share then.

Are you an only child?
Neither parent alive?
No written will, codicil etc?

Do whatever you lime with the house, proceeds from the sale. Why on earth would you be knocking yourself out for your adult kids?

Clear it. Sell it. Spend it.

I wouldn't normally agree with this but I would in this instance. They're not coming across well and I'd be damned if I spent all that time and effort when they just did nothing.

I’ve sent them videos of how much stuff there is to do , they all work long hours and up until recently it was ok it’s just getting to me

no there’s nothing in the will , but it’s what my parents wanted , I don’t have any problems with it , they’re good kids They adored and helped massively with their grandparents I’m feeling guilty that I feel resentful that they don’t even think about offering to help

Ask them.

I have mentioned it a couple of times , but they always have a reason why they can’t ( meeting friends , days out got stuff to do at home ect )
i think I’m gonna take some advise off here and pay my husband for his time and work