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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still be co-sleeping with my 5-year-old dd?

47 replies

Brightbluestone · 19/04/2026 07:48

I’ve been a single parent since my daughter’s father left us when she was a baby. As a baby and toddler she slept in a cot in her own room, however when she was about 2 she started coming into my bed a lot in the night. This turned into co-sleeping which we still do now. She has her own room and her own bed and I regularly ask her if she wants to start sleeping in it, or if she wants to try sleeping in it that night etc. she always says she wants to sleep with me. I’m fine with it, it’s nice to have cuddles and that bonding time with her, and she’s not a nighttime kicker or fidgeter so I don’t get disturbed. She always knows it’s her choice if she wants to sleep in her bed or mine. What I’m worried about is could I be holding her back in any way? Preventing her from becoming more independent etc? If you co-slept with your kids, when did you stop? Was it your choice or theirs? Did you notice any negative effects from it at all?

OP posts:
ilparadodosdoltos · 19/04/2026 07:50

In my opinion, the safer they feel at home, the more independent they can become. Five is still very young and it doesn’t preclude them changing back to their own bed whenever they feel ready.

Rainbowdottie · 19/04/2026 08:02

She’s little still. You’re not affecting her in any negative way. In fact the opposite. She’ll move into her own bed when she’s ready. I’ve never met a child who sleeps with their parent at 15 or can’t use a knife and fork (unless cultural) or can’t use the bathroom independently at that age.

you’re doing good 👍

KurtCobainLover · 19/04/2026 08:04

Both of mine coslept until they were 7 or so and then just decided that they wanted to sleep in their own beds.

Anewuser · 19/04/2026 08:05

I can’t see why it would hold her back - unless she’s unable to put her coat on or hold a knife and fork. Then there’s a different issue.

Enjoy the bond you have with your child. She will decide when she’s ready to move into her own bed.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/04/2026 08:06

I think it’s fine, I’m a single parent and my dd often came into my bed. She always started off in her own bed though, do you put her to bed in her own bed?

Is she okay if she sleeps somewhere else ie grandparents house?

airportfloor · 19/04/2026 08:06

My older one wanted to sleep with me until she was about 7 (and the idea of ir now grosses her out) but the younger one wants to sleep with me and she can. Ironically I did sleep training on both of them when they were little. But they continued to want to sleep in my bed. I now have no idea why I pushed back so hard against it when they were little.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 19/04/2026 08:09

My son was 7 when he stopped co sleeping. He's now a perfectly well adjusted 10yo who thinks I'm cringe!
DD is 5 in September and usually starts out in her own bed then ends up in mine.

Dweetfidilove · 19/04/2026 08:10

My daughter slept in my bed for years and she's absolutely fine.
She still enjoyed her own space during daylight and would be perfectly fine away from me overnight; but every so often, needed that 'comfort'.
Now I can't even sit on her bed for a minute 😒.

pinotnow · 19/04/2026 08:11

My ds kept coming into my bed most nights up until he was around 12. No regrets or issues whatsoever - he's now 17.

Werideatdawnmaybelater · 19/04/2026 08:14

9 and 6 here - we co sleep and love it. They have their own beds, which they sleep in when my mum comes to look after them so they're perfectly well-adjusted. We just all love being together.

Enjoy your DD while she's little. She'll be off and gone before you know it and you'll wonder why you ever worried about what you 'should' be doing

Rainbowunicorn12 · 19/04/2026 08:15

my little girl is 4 and she is in my bed 6 nights out of 7 usually and im fine with that. If she wants to be in my bed till she’s 10 I’m fine with that. It’s where we have the best chats and the best cuddles.

Morepositivemum · 19/04/2026 08:16

5 is still so young, I do think by 7 they should be in a room on their own, I remember night times reading and thinking the day over age 7 and I think co sleeping is a pity because it takes this large part of growing up away from children

veryunsure2025 · 19/04/2026 08:19

My eldest is almost 6 and still in my bed, I don't even think about it - they are super clever, switched on, capable, etc etc, just want to be close to mum at night. Think it's absolutely within the realms of normal (not that I am not looking forward to having my bed back one day!)

tnorfotkcab · 19/04/2026 08:20

DD is 6 and a half nearly, and sleeps in our bed almost every night. She goes to sleep in her bed around 8, and will come in around midnight to ours. She'll "sleep through" around 4-6 a month.

I'll never regret the cuddles and closeness. I kinda miss them the nights she doesn't come though (but never tell her that)

Solasum · 19/04/2026 08:21

My DS co slept for years. He always started the night in his own bed and came in later. Eventually he stopped coming, but will always come in for a cuddle in the morning. At 12, if he is worried about something or feeling under the weather, he will still visit. We have a very strong bond, but he is absolutely fine staying elsewhere. 5 is still tiny, though I would definitely put her to bed in her own room, and make her room as cosy as possible

Bushmillsbabe · 19/04/2026 08:23

You worry about her independence? Does she go into school happily and play well with other children? Is she OK staying with her grandparents etc if you need to go away?

As others have said, having a stable base she is free to stay with or move away from Is the groundwork for her feeling safe and confident. As long as it remain her choice.

The only time it becomes an issue is if she feels you are needing/depending on her. I lead a Rainbows group (girls 5-7) and we do sleepovers and 1 said to me 'I really want to come but I can't because my mum needs me to sleep with her'. I gently raised this with the mum 'X seems keen to do the sleepover, can she come'. The mums reply with a nervous giggle 'I would miss her too much so she can't come'. That seemed a shame to me.

springintospring26 · 19/04/2026 08:29

i was a lone parent and my two slept with me ( taking it in turns) until around the end of primary school one girl, one boy. They both were happy and well attached and confident with lots of friends. My DD allowed her DS to sleep with her until he was about 10. At one time she did wonder if he’d ever choose to sleep in his own bed! However now as a young teen he’d not dream of sleeping in her bed. A well adjusted and well attached child will move into independent sleeping when they’re comfortable.

curious79 · 19/04/2026 08:31

How lovely! I did this until I met my second husband to be. I then eased my daughter back into her own space. Cosleeping is done all around the world and it’s a very healthy practice.

Cheezewizz · 19/04/2026 08:38

My ds co slept until 7/8 and my ds co slept with me until 11. Both moved to their own beds when they were ready and had no issues. They are little for such a short amount of time so I think enjoy it and there is no need to rush them into sleeping in their own if you are both happy with the arrangement

jeaux90 · 19/04/2026 08:40

Lone parent here I did this too and DD was about 5 when she started sleeping in her own room, but still came in with me if she was unwell. I had bought her a new cabin bed at the time so she was motivated I guess.

VanGoSunflowers · 19/04/2026 08:42

ilparadodosdoltos · 19/04/2026 07:50

In my opinion, the safer they feel at home, the more independent they can become. Five is still very young and it doesn’t preclude them changing back to their own bed whenever they feel ready.

I agree with this.
I co-slept with DS until he was 3 but he was a fidgeter and seemed ready to go in to his own bed at that age (he was) me and his dad are separated and he stays with him half the time, they’ve only just stopped co-sleeping and DS is 8. He is a very confident, happy go lucky kid so it’s done him no harm.

sharkstale · 19/04/2026 08:42

I was a single parent to my dd and we co-slept from a baby. She had her own room and bed and would sleep in there sometimes, always had the choice whether she wanted to sleep in her bed or mine. I never had the issue of getting her 'out of my bed' like everyone says. Since age 7 she's been permanently in her bed.

Wish44 · 19/04/2026 08:44

my 5 year old is in bed with me most nights.

also a lone parent now. My elder two never slept with me as ex was in bed. Now I feel a bit sad thinking that maybe they would have liked to but couldn’t as a man was there-

Wish44 · 19/04/2026 08:45

Sorry posted too soon- meant to say that all three children seem equally happy and independent despite very different sleep arrangements in their early years. Your dd will be fine

DinosaurBlue · 19/04/2026 08:48

Completely fine. You do whatever you need to do to make your child feel loved and safe and if that’s co sleeping, then so be it.

DH and I have only shared a bed maybe twice in the past 6 months - he co sleeps with our toddler whilst I co sleep with our 5 year old. Everyone is happy and sleeps well as a result.