To still be co-sleeping with my 5-year-old dd?

[Brightbluestone]

I’ve been a single parent since my daughter’s father left us when she was a baby. As a baby and toddler she slept in a cot in her own room, however when she was about 2 she started coming into my bed a lot in the night. This turned into co-sleeping which we still do now. She has her own room and her own bed and I regularly ask her if she wants to start sleeping in it, or if she wants to try sleeping in it that night etc. she always says she wants to sleep with me. I’m fine with it, it’s nice to have cuddles and that bonding time with her, and she’s not a nighttime kicker or fidgeter so I don’t get disturbed. She always knows it’s her choice if she wants to sleep in her bed or mine. What I’m worried about is could I be holding her back in any way? Preventing her from becoming more independent etc? If you co-slept with your kids, when did you stop? Was it your choice or theirs? Did you notice any negative effects from it at all?

Hi OP my story is exactly the same as yours! My DS is 11 now and has only just started sleeping in his own bed right through the night and he’s absolutely fine.

My youngest did the same, as a single parent with a king size bed I didn't mind. When she was about five she started sleeping in her own bed and then I'd wake up and she was in my bed. She eventually stopped it herself. I still miss it. Enjoy it. Those are special times, morning cuddles and chats. 💓

If anything I think it gives them an advantage, of feeling safe, secure and loved, you're not holding her back at all.

My DD is 11 & still sneaks through in the night. I would say it’s 50/50 if she does it. She is capable of staying in her bed but she just likes cuddles. I’m sure it won’t last forever & although I’m pleased when she stays in her bed I also kind of miss her!

I still cosleep with my 6 and 8 year olds

5 is still so little. DS would always start off in his own bed with a good bedtime routine but by around 3am he would be in mine. I accepted it because we all got more sleep this way. If I had to get up and resettle him in his own bed we would have been shattered and ratty by the morning.
Now he’s older I miss the little pitter patter of feet making their way to my bed for a cuddle. No negative effects and he stopped on his own at around 7.

If it’s not bothering either of you I wouldn’t worry OP, it will taper off naturally.

My daughter turned 5 in Jan and ends up in my bed every night. Whilst can be annoying (she sleeps stretched out!) it didn’t occur to me that she may be too old. She seems so young to me, and I know it won’t be forever. She says she misses us in the night 🥰 she sleeps over at grandparents and always stays in her own bed there (and usually if in a hotel too) so I know she can do it, she just prefers out bed for now. Which is fine!

You’re fine op. She’s still very little and your comfort and security is what she needs now. Don’t worry about it.

Single parent as well…my dd co-slept with me until she was 10, then decided she wanted to sleep in her own bed.
I would wake up and she would be there with the most beautiful smile on her face…she was a very happy child!
They are some of my fondest memories…she’s now 21 and at university 3 hours away…just enjoy it OP, everything in childhood is so precious x

My DB co sleeps with his 7 year old son and his wife sleeps with their toddler. They’re trying to move both kids into one room (toddler wouldn’t like his own room yet) which is huge, this summer.

Thank you for all these reassuring replies. I hadn’t really thought much of it until an older relative said I might be stopping her from becoming more independent by co-sleeping with her. We both love it and I know she can sleep by herself. She’s stayed at my sister’s and her grandparents in her own bed many times.

Quite an old fashioned idea OP. Keep doing what you're doing x

My youngest often fell asleep “by accident” in my bed, and was always in there if dad was away right up until he hit puberty and then he no longer wanted to.

He always went into school happily, never had any independence issues and is now a confident almost 18 year old.

in my experience, independence is developed from a feeling of security and not from being “pushed out of the nest”

he was a tiny dot of a thing until puberty so it wasn’t too hard to bed share.

You, your partner (male?) your 9 year old and 6x year old all sleep in what size bed @Werideatdawnmaybelater ??!

My eldest is 10. He slept in my room until he was 8. Even when his three siblings came along he slept on a floor mattress next to my bed (couldn't have him in the bed with the newborns in case he rolled on them etc) then when he was 8 he just started sleeping in his own bed. Was never an issue. He's very popular independent boy. I keep the little bed still made up on the floor in my room and I often find him or one of his brothers sleeping on it in the morning. It's a really special amazing thing that just being in our presence makes them feels safe and able to sleep after nightmares etc.

Ds used to sleep in my bed on and off until he was 11. We just went with it and realised that if he needed it then it was ok. He is now a very independent 19 year old. We never made a thing of it and he decided on his own to always sleep in his own bed.

I don't really understand your thoughts here. Why can't a child process their day in their safe adults bed? Not like the parents necessarily go to bed at the same time as the child. Also by your logic children that share a bedroom with a sibling can't read a book and think about their day?

Hadenough32

I don't really understand your thoughts here. Why can't a child process their day in their safe adults bed? Not like the parents necessarily go to bed at the same time as the child. Also by your logic children that share a bedroom with a sibling can't read a book and think about their day?

I don’t think a sibling is the same as an adult that’s watching for a child/ very close proximity to them etc. I shared a lot with siblings and we both did our own things but neither of us was looking after the other and we could chat but as siblings/ friends- a parent child relationship isn’t the same. I just think kids should have the space to process their day. We’re all different though and I didn’t have the worries some parents had at night with the kids, I was lucky, they’d go up and I’d read them a story then leave them to chat, read/ look at books then they’d fall asleep. Had some trouble with nightmares but they would settle after a few minutes of one of us sitting on the bed and out again. I know some people have it difficult

Absolutely fine. She has a bedroom. She can choose when ready.

All three of my children have co slept since birth.

Ds was in with us until he was 6, dd until she was 4 and it was only in February that 5 year old dd decided she wanted to sleep in her own room. (I have big age gaps so it was only one at a time).

I never get the debate on co sleeping. It’s none of anyone’s business where your children sleep.

Me and dh co slept as we are lazy. We never had to get out of bed for a crying baby and we’ve never had to battle toddler bedtimes.

I don't have a partner. Just me and the girls.

Were they ok sleeping on their own if they ever saw their dad? Or no relationship?

He's not in the picture. Not recently so not a trauma thing really.

They are fine to sleep on their own though, both at our house and others. My mum often comes to look after them overnight and they sleep in their own beds in their own rooms no problem at all. They just prefer it when I'm home, and I love it too. I have a king bed now so it's plenty of room, but had a standard double til about 2 years ago.