What do people mean by getting ducks in a row?

[suprisesnotface]

I’m not at the point of wanting to split with Dh yet but things aren’t great and I’m in a pretty bad situation financially.

2 dc - one together, one from previous relationship. I work part time but low wage. Dh works full time earning roughly 4 x more than me and covers mortgage and bills.

We have no family support. It’s just us. If I ever want to see friends (once in a blue moon) or even go to the gym or do something with my eldest then it’s Dh who looks after the younger one. He also helps with some nursery pick ups as he works from home and I don’t.

I have no idea how I’d manage financially or logistically without him. But things aren’t great, we argue a lot. I know people use the ducks in a row phrase a lot, but what does it entail really? Yes we are married but if we split what would I be entitled to and could he dispute it? He has so much more money than me and could easily afford a better solicitor etc. I hate that I’m even thinking this way but I want to understand my options.

Ducks in a row is just gathering information and evidence about your current circumstances (especially financial) and then seeking counsel about it, usually this is a solicitor if you are thinking about separation. It's essentially finding out where you likely stand in the event of a split and getting evidence so that money or assets can't be hidden or moved. It’s pre-split preparation basically. The logic being, when you actually initiate a split you are in stronger position and the other party is less able to hide things or be dishonest.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

You need legal advice.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/sorting-out-money/help-with-legal-fees-when-you-separate/

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5514487-to-ask-exactly-how-you-get-ducks-in-a-row-when-ltb
lots of threads on the topic.

If you are legally married, and you have shared children, that's an important thing to remember because in law, the starting point of a divorce is a 50-50% split of the marital assets. Everything you jointly own is a shared asset, including inheritance (potentially) during your time of marriage.

the law is there to ensure both sides have sufficient to live independently including housing and financial support for your shared children. So the fact your DH owns more than you is important, especially if his career has continued unimpeded and yours has had to be put on hold or at least slowed down due to giving birth and looking after your shared children.

ducks in a row is having the documents you need from your perspective to support the split and divorce. There are threads on here that list out everything you need, so I won't repeat it here, but the thing around your legal rights and the fact it starts as a 50-50 is important and sometimes not clear to someone in your position. Your DH may try to argue a different split of assets including pension, depending on your length of marriage, you can also give your expectations, you don't have to accept that.

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies
• family solicitor websites
• 💐