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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist on choosing my children's wedding outfits myself?

32 replies

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:12

BIL getting married next year. We do not get on and are low contact. MIL wants to buy my children’s clothes for wedding despite them not being in wedding party. This comes with them choosing what they wear as “needs to look good for photos”. AIBU to say no I will choose what they wear? All feels very for show and don’t want children used as probs.

OP posts:
weareallqueens · 18/04/2026 22:14

If your children are anything like mine they’ll be choosing their own wedding outfits. 😬

But no, you should have final say, not MIL. Maybe discuss with her.

91millionstolencarz · 18/04/2026 22:15

Your kids - your choice - tell mil to F off : absolutely not her decision what they wear

Endofyear · 18/04/2026 22:18

Tell MIL thanks but you'll be choosing and buying the children's outfits. And leave it at that.

MaybeToxic · 18/04/2026 22:20

I'd compromise by saying you'll be choosing and buying the outfits, but are there any colours or shades that are good to avoid x

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 22:22

But are you or your DH attending the wedding of someone you don’t get on either and are low-contact either? If not, why are the children going?

NameChangeAgain48 · 18/04/2026 22:23

I'm sure that you are more than capable of buying an appropriate wedding outfit for the kids.

Original poster
PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:23

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 22:22

But are you or your DH attending the wedding of someone you don’t get on either and are low-contact either? If not, why are the children going?

Yes we are going. Believe me I wish we weren’t but don’t need the drama of that.

OP posts:
wheresthesnowgone · 18/04/2026 22:29

Let the woman buy the clothes and give them back to her to dispose of after the wedding

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

Bunnybackinherwarren · 18/04/2026 22:33

Actually ask her what day she is taking them shopping.. Have them ready at the door and enjoy your free day.

Original poster
PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:39

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

It is my view it is not being offered from generosity but as means to control getting “perfect picture”. I think family know I would not dress kids in jogging bottoms etc. They want to create illusion of children as wedding party and all one happy family. Children are Year 5 and 6.

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:39

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

It is my view it is not being offered from generosity but as means to control getting “perfect picture”. I think family know I would not dress kids in jogging bottoms etc. They want to create illusion of children as wedding party and all one happy family. Children are Year 5 and 6.

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 22:39

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:32

I get on really well with my MIL and if she made an offer to buy outfits I’d be delighted, but she’d buy from shops I liked anyway probably; so like something from Monsoon Kids for example. My guess is she’s worried you’re not going to dress them appropriately. What’s the brother in law’s new wife like? Is she worried you’re going to send them in joggers and a t-shirt or something cheap looking? I can’t think why else she’d try to do this… unless she knows there’s other little ones who will be bridesmaids in a certain colour? How old are your kids?

It is my view it is not being offered from generosity but as means to control getting “perfect picture”. I think family know I would not dress kids in jogging bottoms etc. They want to create illusion of children as wedding party and all one happy family. Children are Year 5 and 6.

OP posts:
JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 18/04/2026 22:43

I would say no to Mil, as they are in year 5 and 6 they will be choosing or having an opinion on what they wear. They are old enough to have a view.

openended · 18/04/2026 22:51

By age year 5 and 6 surely they would express an opinion as to what they would like to wear? If they are expected to be in the wedding party them surely your dh is too? I'd expect him to go with them so he can advocate for them especially if they don't know your mil that well. Alternatively just ask for the colours they are expected to wear and go from there to take them to try stuff on?

HaveCreditWillShop · 18/04/2026 22:52

To be honest, sounds like this wedding is going to drive you absolutely spare. I think you’ve got to go all or nothing to be honest - either don’t go at all, or suck it up and just let her buy them some dresses. They might like matching the other kids. Yes they probably do want the appearance of a happy family - try to remember the poor bride if you can x

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 22:56

If I were low contact I wouldn’t waste my time going at all.

However if you are going to go, let them buy the clothes. At least that way, your kids will blend in with all the other kids I’m guessing they’re buying for? Regardless of whether they are doing it to make it look like they are close with your kids, at least this way your kids won’t feel like the odd ones out.

If you like, you can return the clothes afterwards so they can’t then accuse you of keeping them 😂

What does your DH say?

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/04/2026 23:08

If they're not in the wedding party do the bride and groom actually want them dressed to match? I wouldn't mind someone else taking on the expense of buying my kids clothes but I would want input (and at that age so would they).

Original poster
PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:09

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 22:56

If I were low contact I wouldn’t waste my time going at all.

However if you are going to go, let them buy the clothes. At least that way, your kids will blend in with all the other kids I’m guessing they’re buying for? Regardless of whether they are doing it to make it look like they are close with your kids, at least this way your kids won’t feel like the odd ones out.

If you like, you can return the clothes afterwards so they can’t then accuse you of keeping them 😂

What does your DH say?

They are not buying for anyone else. So I don’t think kids would feel odd. Husband happy with me to buy clothes my children choose.

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:11

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/04/2026 23:08

If they're not in the wedding party do the bride and groom actually want them dressed to match? I wouldn't mind someone else taking on the expense of buying my kids clothes but I would want input (and at that age so would they).

Yes bride and groom want children matching so “looks good in photos”.

OP posts:
somanychristmaslights · 18/04/2026 23:12

YOU don’t need to do anything. It’s DH mum, get him to tell her she won’t be buying their clothes.

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 23:14

PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:09

They are not buying for anyone else. So I don’t think kids would feel odd. Husband happy with me to buy clothes my children choose.

Show quote history

If the bride and groom want all the kids matching, why aren’t they buying for the others also? Do they think money might be an issue?

Original poster
PennyManyMaybe13 · 18/04/2026 23:21

comealongdobbeh · 18/04/2026 23:14

If the bride and groom want all the kids matching, why aren’t they buying for the others also? Do they think money might be an issue?

Show quote history

There will be two toddler aged flower girls that bride and groom paying for outfits. They want my children to wear the same as these girls despite not being in wedding party as “look good in photos”. There are lots and lots of other children attending who will not be “matching”.

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 18/04/2026 23:22

I mean unless you think the clothes will be mad so what if she wants create the perfect picture. You are already going to avoid drama.

give them back or get her to send the ones she likes and purchase them yourself.

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/04/2026 23:26

Ah, so it looks as if they're having a grander wedding than they can actually afford?