To holiday without SC?

[Sunshinecraving]

DP and I don’t have shared finances, we earn fairly similar but he pays a lot in maintenance etc to SCs mum, so I have more spare cash. We share a toddler. It’s been a hard year.

I want to go for a week in the sun with toddler. It would cost around 2k. Taking SC and DP with us would cost more like 8k, which I can’t afford (and to be honest wouldn’t be relaxing at all) and nor could DP.

AIBU to just go anyway?

Her rules def need not apply at my home..
Dsd missed out because she was so controlling.

Their mum is a big fan of holidays and takes them abroad every year, plus she goes away with her new boyfriend and their youngest whilst SC are with us. I think last year she went on five holidays so I don’t think she’d be at all offended if we took one!

Are the teens offended that she does this?

Your dp is currently on a weekend away with his SC without you (and joint dc). He's made non-commital noises, indicating a lack of interest in a sunny holiday with you and dc. I see no reason at all for you and toddler not to enjoy a sunny holiday with your separate finances.

Have a wonderful time!!!

Not that they’ve mentioned to me!

Thank you! I have found some beautiful hotels already

Why?

Could they not use the excuse of going outside term-time?

Unless the SC’s mum or dad can afford to pay towards the £8k then I don’t think it is unreasonable for OP to not subsidise it.

I think it’s absolutely fine for you to go or three of you to go. I don’t think DSC will be bothered - and if they are - just point out that if the come - yes they will be woken up at 6am every day. I speak as an aunt with a toddler whose niblings would rather DIE than come away with me and my sister as “all we’ll do is boring stuff”.

I’d go for the overkill and tell them all the fun they’ll have with toddler half sister and ‘quality family time’. Beg them to come. Then when them hum and haw go for the Sept option !

Go with your toddler and have a lovely time!

I think there has to be some compromise in blended families - not everyone can be included in everything. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to have a relaxing week away with your child. There is nothing wrong with you, DP and toddler having a week away. Having the SC along will make it totally different, and it doesn’t mean anyone loves anyone else in the equation any less if they’re not included.

Well I wouldn't go on a holiday if i couldn't afford to take all my children. I wouldn't just take one and leave the others behind.

What if I was paying? I’d be paying for the toddler and the room anyway

You are not married and do not have shared financies so of course you shoudnt pay for them to go away. Go with the toddler.

They probably go away with their mother.

Paying for them isn’t an option, I cant afford 8k!

Just go with your micro family. Ffs. What’s the problem?

Money aside, you seem to be comparing two very different types of holidays - (1) a more spur-of-the-moment cheap getaway for just you and a small, not-yet-in-school child vs (2) a school holidays trip for 2 adults, 2 teens and a toddler which would require planning ahead to juggle two work and two school/social/activities schedules and probably consulting the teens' mother/taking her schedule into consideration.

I'd just do the research and find a holiday plan that works for you and toddler and then run it by your partner (just because it's also his child going, and to make sure the time you'll be away isn't an issue in terms of any shared responsibilities). As you're keen to have a week away in the sun and can afford it, then it seems like the next most practical option after you and toddler going alone would be for you to go alone and have partner look after the toddler - but I'm guessing that would also require more advanced planning. Given the other details in your follow-ups, I also think it would be fine for your partner to go along if he's keen and can free up the time pretty quickly - you could offer that option and let him decide.

I don’t think DP would be up for solo parenting whilst I had a holiday nor would I want to leave the toddler for that long!

I think you and the toddler going is fine.
I think if you, toddler and DH go then that starts to become tricky. You say the SC don't mind their mum going off with her new family without them, but maybe that's because they know dad wouldn't. If both their biological parents treat them this way maybe they will feel rejected on both sides.
I do think you need to look at future plans with your DH. If you want to go on holidays, is there potential for him to save more? Is it only the child maintenance that means he doesn't have enough for holidays abroad?

I think it's fine. SC will have holidays with their mum too sometimes.

YANBU at all. Just find a holiday that suits you and your DC. Give DP the option to join you or not, then book it.

You and your child going, absolutely fine.

dad only going in holiday with one of his three children would make him a shitty parent, and the mum is just as shitty for doing the same with just her new child.

Oh just go.
You only get one life.

Obviously fine for just you and your child to go away together.

I don't get the impression you like or care about your stepchildren at all though, which isn't a viable attitude to have going forwards. If you have a child with a man who already has children, those children aren't going away and will be a part of your life too.

I really think it depends on the time split… I have a step son and whilst we wouldn’t send him anywhere when he is meant to be with us, or purposely book a holiday when is isn’t with us, he’s 14 so it’s vastly more expensive to take him, and we have twins on the way, so we have said it may be that we go somewhere in term time whilst he’s at his other parents and then somewhere in holidays when he’s with us. We have him 50/50 at the moment.
Tricky one but ultimately you have to consider if you want to go alone (will it really be a relaxing holiday just you and a toddler) or how your OH feels about going too without taking SC!

Why would that be a problem?