AIBU to think solo parenting all weekend then this is unfair?

[AtWitsEnd21]

Maybe AIBU

DH was at a stag party last weekend. He was gone 8am Friday morning to 4pm Sunday afternoon. We have two DC 2&4. Both are bad sleepers with older DC awake at 6.30am every morning without fail. I was solo parenting for essentially three days which because they are bad sleepers is exhausting. When DH returned home he went almost immediately to lie on the couch to watch sport.
I was irate.
He promised that he would take the load this weekend so I could have some me time. He took DC at 7.30 (I had entertained them for the first hour). I had a bit of a rest and went to garden centre was home for 12.30. When I arrived home he immediately went for a run for 45mins. Then he didn’t check if we had required ingredients for dinner. Another 40 min round trip to shop on his own. Then DC join me in the garden which requires constant supervision to not stomp all over new plants while he made dinner and listened to a podcast. Went to put younger DC and there are no pull ups. He clearly used the last one changing him and never thought to replace so another solo trip to the shop to get them while I again supervise.
AIBU to just really feel this just not fair. He doesn’t see it like that at all said he’s doing his best.

Why didn't you go to the shop??

His best is not good enough. Ask him if he's this incompetent at work. Can guarantee he's not.
Wish I knew the answer to all these useless men.

Go out! Go away! Leave him with the children and don't prepare anything he might need (as long as it doesn't harm the children, obviously)

Why can’t you go to the shop? You both knew you were low on pull ups, maybe stock up. Honestly it sounds like a normal weekend and I can’t see a huge issue with it. Unless he’s on stag dos all the time I don’t think it really needs to be evened out by him having the kids more this weekend. Plan your own weekend away for sure, but the weekends in between are just normal weekends.

Weaponised incompetence. AKA taking the piss.

In the first instance because I was knee deep in planting and covered in mud and in the second because I’m fed up and didn’t want to go! I guess my gripe is when I’m left alone I make sure I have everything I need and don’t need multiple trips to the shop!

He clearly needs more practice at parenting/adulting.

I'd have made him take both kids, or at least the 4 year old if youngest needed a nappy and you had no others.

Could you not have told him to take a kid? If the shop isn’t that close it makes sense to buy the pull ups much sooner than the day you are due to run out

As others have said, weaponised incompetence OP. I would make a point of telling him that when he's in charge of the children and uses anything up, he adds it to the shopping list, and if he goes to the shop for whatever reason, it makes total sense with the price of petrol/diesel as it is, to make sure that he checks if anyone needs anything else, and that he has EVERYTHING on the list. However, you could have told him to take the children with him when he went out, so that you could get on without them being under your feet. Why didn't you do that?

Why couldn't he take the kids to the shop?

I am responsible for absolutely everything I just wanted a break from the mental load for one day. He used the last pull up and made three separate trips to the shop nowhere along the way did he think maybe I should get some. It’s because he’s so used to me doing absolutely everything.

Agree. Book couple of weekends a month to yourself out of the house

Well yeah probably! You didn’t mention he made 3 trips to the shop before buying pull ups in your OP though, just 1, 3 is much worse.

Clearly time to stop doing absolutely everything OP, it’s not your responsibility to do everything but you choose to do it then it’s not surprising it’s bad at it when it’s his ‘turn’. Maybe have a proper talk with him and tell him to start putting his weight overall.

Yanbu, how did he give you a break. Next time take the whole day and do something for yourself. Not gardening or housework, just for yourself

Need weekend you have a weekend away, on your own or with friends for the same timeframe. Match his uselessness.

I just feel so angry. He came home from three days away to a clean calm house with dinner already made. I come from 2 hours out the house is trashed, there is no food for dinner, no nappies. It’s chaos. I didn’t let children go because they were also in wellies covered in mud would have screamed the shop down at being plucked from the garden. It’s not their fault he is totally incompetent.

The main problem here is that you are right in the thick of it with the age of your children. It is hard work at the stage you are at so you need to go a bit easier on each other. I used to get so annoyed with my husband for stuff like this. But in the grand scheme of it doesn't matter. Yes you are knackered, he is knackered. He does some stuff better than others, you too for sure. A clean house isn't important when your kids are that age and your partner is away.

Nah the problem is her DH is not pulling his weight and anger and resentment are building. The total lack of respect will kill your marriage OP, it did mine.

I think next weekend you need to go out for the day fully, or send them off for the day so he can't offload the children onto you, or see it as a shared task. The issue of you being there means he isn't going to pull his weight as he knows you will intervene or he can just disappear.

The pull up issue though is down to both of you. Yes he used the last one, but if it's usually you that does bedtime then did you not think earlier in the week there was only 2-3 left and to get more (either yourself or to say to DH).

He’s not tired he gets a full nights sleep every single night. DC 2 has been co sleeping for a few months so DH happily sleeps in lovey king size spare bedroom. I am up multiple times a night while he sleeps soundly. DC don’t want him at all at night they only want mummy. I just feel none of my life is on even playing field and my anger and resentment is really starting to take a toll

So why are you allowing it? I’m not surprised it’s taking its tole but you are both adults here, maybe it’s time to force change

YANBU but this kind of competitive tiredness / chalking up who did (or didn't) do what will absolutely kill your relationship if it continues. My ex was exactly like this and it felt like actual torture.

He is the way he is because you have allowed him to be. Step back and see if he steps up. If he doesn’t then you know this is your life so you can choose to stay or go

Yes he clearly needs micromanaging in all parental tasks.

I bet if he ran out of beer and needed some he'd be straight to the shop. Child's diapers??? Nah