To get irritated when women constantly reference their partner or kids in conversations?

[OnePeachPoet]

I’ve noticed this in conversations and wondered if it’s just me.

Some women seem to frame almost everything through their partner or kids - e.g. “my husband said…” or “you wouldn’t understand because you don’t have kids.” I get that those are big parts of their lives, but occasionally it can feel a bit dismissive or like your perspective doesn’t count.

AIBU to find this a bit irritating?

People referencing their husbands and kids in conversations is pretty normal, but saying you wouldn’t understand as you don’t have kids is rude. Do you not mention your partner?

Guessing you're single with no kids.
I agree with PP nothing wrong with referring to them but saying you wouldn't understand if you don't have kids is patronising in the extreme.
I don't have kids no one has ever said that to me

I know what you mean. At work you have to take into account someone's husband's point of view when nobody even knows him and his thoughts just aren't relevant.

Yeah, I agree with ToKitty, above. I mention my DH all the time! Not my kids though. I would never say anything about someone not having kids - it's incredibly insensitive, unless you know they didn't/don't want them. Is this multiple people saying this, or just one?

It’s not always out of context though. If you are discussing what to order for lunch and someone says ‘well my husband doesn’t like Chinese food’ then yeah it’s irrelevant, but general open discussions it’s not particularly odd to reference other people’s experiences or opinions.

That last statement is not remotely the same as "referencing kids", your thinking seems a bit woolly.

I just think people’s partners and kids take up so much of their lives that it’s hard to talk about your life, your holidays or about what you’re doing at the weekend/are cooking for dinner etc without referencing them?

I agree it’s normal to mention partners/kids, I mention my partner too. What I’m saying is when it becomes the lens for everything, rather than just part of the conversation. That’s what I find a bit grating.

You get it.

Can you maybe include an example? At the moment ‘
I’m struggling to see what your issue is. I can’t say I have particularly noticed anyone doing this to an extrreme.

It's one form of having a one track conversation just as much as if someone spoke about their favourite football team all the time, so the OP is fair to not like it.

I think it depends on the conversation, sometimes it's perfectly normal to reference husband or kids as they're part of your life. However I can't stand asking a woman her preference, her opinion, or now she's doing and the automatic answer starts with "well child A is.." or "My DH likes.." I think it's sad they've centred others so much in their lives that they automatically resort to them when I very much doubt their DH answers with how is wife is doing when someone asks how he is.

It would be less irritating for you if people spoke anvoiding any reference to people that are integral to the fabric of their lives? Hmmm…. Seems reasonable enough. Or, wait…. is it actually a bit of a you problem? Possibly?

It sounds like a you problem. I don't think anyone is thinking your perspective doesn't count because it's different to someone's husbands perspective. They may think someone's perspective about children doesn't count if they don't have children, which is valid (unless you are a professional in that area). People can't really understand parenting unless they have done it. It's like saying a straight/white/man's perspective on a gay/black/woman's life is as valid as those who share the characteristic.

Thank you

Things like when almost any topic gets brought back to a partner or kids, even when it’s not that relevant or comments like “you wouldn’t understand because you don’t have kids” which can feel a bit dismissive.

It is when they're not there though which is what I think PP is referencing. I don't know why is share my DH preference on anything to someone who doesn't know him /never met him.

This is what I’m saying

Yes

Does that someone not have their own perspective to share rather than their husbands though ? I think that's PPs point and peopl who do it don't realise how weird it sounds.

I have a a colleague I’ve worked with for over six months now and I know virtually nothing about said colleague and everything about her DC. Any question asked is answered in relation to them: I ask “do you do any sports?” And she’ll reply “I watch my son’s football practice, he plays in goalkeeper, he’s getting really good, and my daughter has just started gymnastics and is really enjoying it.” Or I’ll say “I went to see One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest at the Old Vic, it was an interesting interpretation, I recommend it if you like theatre” and she’ll respond “I think that’s on the reading list at my son’s school, he wasn’t much of a reader when he was younger but now he’s picking more books up, which I’m pleased about.” I know their favourite foods because if I offer her a snack she’ll tell me, though I still have no idea whether she likes anything in particular.

She’s never been dismissive or made remarks about people without children not understanding etc as OP refers to; but I definitely get the impression that she thinks it’s quite strange that I don’t have and don’t want children - presumably because it seems like her entire life revolves around hers. She seems happy enough, but I do wonder whether she’ll realise at some point that she deserves an identity of her own.

Don't most people do that?
I don't see the issue. Partners and children are a huge part of people's lives and people tend to talk about what matters to them.

Huge difference between your two statements, I talk about dh because we live together so most things happen to both of us, if I lived with my mum I’d say ‘my mum says’. The other statement is just someone being ridiculous although it’s true, there’s things you don’t know because you don’t have kids in the same way there’s things you know that they won’t/ haven’t experienced!!

I don't see anything wrong with what your colleague is saying. Her experience of sport is through her children (as is mine) and she knows one flew over the cuckoo 's nest because her son studied it. I was also introduced to many subjects and interests through things my children studied.
I'm retired and now my grandchildren are now introducing me to new experiences and subjects.
I have never felt I don't have a personality or identity of my own.

I have a very similar colleague! She was very keen on being friends, wanting to grab a coffee etc but I was finding it boring being unable to get to know her. I don't want to grab a coffee and spend the whole time hearing about your child who isn't here. Having said that, I think lots of women are sadly just used to being decentred with relatives etc just asking after the kids and not them. After a couple of times or me interjecting to say "right, but I ask how you are though" she's got better with it.