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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep seeing friends DH wants to phase out?

42 replies

OliveBee26 · 18/04/2026 11:18

There is a couple who I really like - would call them good friends of mine - and our toddler sons love playing together often.

However my husband wants us to drop them as friends as he 'can't stand' the bloke, and is pretty ambivalent towards her.

He says the guy in particular is selfish and domineering, and doesn't care about others in conversation. I know he hcvas a strong personality but for me it is well within the realm of normal, they have plenty of other friends and I just like spending time with them.

Anyway my husband wants to phase them out as friends and I don't. I sometimes see them on my own but he says he would rather do other things as a family in that time. He thinks it's not fair to see them regularly if only one of us is invested in the friendship. I am happy to see them less, we kind of already do, but I think it is a bit extreme to have to drop them altogether.

AIBU to keep inviting them to stuff? This is causing some arguments between us. DH not totally antisocial, has other people he likes and wants to see more. But sometimes he takes a strong dislike to people, this happened with another friend of mine once but they don't have kids so it is less complicated!

Also he says it is no big deal for our son, he has other friends too. He has nothing against their toddler lol

OP posts:
cariadlet · 18/04/2026 11:20

If you like them, then see them but not in family time.

If your DH dislikes them (and the husband does sound obnoxious) then no reason why he should have to spend time with them.

Shoxfordian · 18/04/2026 11:23

See your friend one on one or with the kids and avoid meeting up as a 4 if he doesn’t like the husband much. I'm sure you'd want him to extend you the same grace if you didn't like the wife of one of his friends

summitfever · 18/04/2026 11:25

Steer the friendship towards you and the other mum. No need to do the couple stuff. It’s an easy solution. The guy might be ok but is he worth causing shit with your partner over? Doubt it. If he is be his friend yourself 🤷🏼‍♀️

harriethoyle · 18/04/2026 11:29

It’s fine for him not to see them. It’s not fine for him to tell you that you can’t.

PollyBell · 18/04/2026 11:31

Well if a woman was not happy with one of her male partners friends being around her child would it be acceptable for him to keep on seeing the friend with her child?

I say her as her and our seems to be used to suit on here

Your husband is seeing red flags and telling you and you are ignoring it? So who is unreasonable?

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 11:34

harriethoyle · 18/04/2026 11:29

It’s fine for him not to see them. It’s not fine for him to tell you that you can’t.

This. I mean, you’re not manacled together. DH has friends I don’t care for, and I also see peiole he’s not keen on. We’re not in lockstep at weekends, either. As long as we spend time together as a family, I don’t think it needs to be compulsory for the entire 48 hours or anything.

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 11:36

PollyBell · 18/04/2026 11:31

Well if a woman was not happy with one of her male partners friends being around her child would it be acceptable for him to keep on seeing the friend with her child?

I say her as her and our seems to be used to suit on here

Your husband is seeing red flags and telling you and you are ignoring it? So who is unreasonable?

Where are the ‘red flags’? He just doesn’t like the guy and thinks he’s domineering in conversation! Not that he’s a threat to their toddler!

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/04/2026 11:38

See them but without him, surely?

He doesn’t have to be friends with them but no way would I be letting a man dictate who I could hang out with. You’re not joined at the hip and he’s not your boss.

Dozer · 18/04/2026 11:42

DH is right that this makes no difference to toddler DC.

If DH’s criticisms of the man (and others he’s taken a strong dislike to) seem justified and DH spends more time than you in the man’s company during these family meet ups, he’s not U not to want to do them.

I can’t be arsed with people who dominate conversations so would feel the same.

If however DH has form for being over judgmental about people he could meet up with them infrequently, to support your friendship with the other woman.

BBCLW · 18/04/2026 11:45

Is it only your friends your husband takes a dislike to and asks you to stop seeing? You say 'he has lots of other friends', but do you?

NoSoupForU · 18/04/2026 11:48

You're not unreasonable to keep seeing your friend. You'd be unreasonable to force her, or even worse them as a couple, on your husband who has been clear he doesn't like them.

Butterme · 18/04/2026 11:50

If DH wants to stop seeing them and you want to continue seeing them that’s both fine.

Its not ok for you to choose them over family time nor is it ok for you to invite them to things if you know your DH will be there too.

But you can talk to whoever you want and not all free time is family time.
You and DH both need to have free time without each other or the kids.

newornotnew · 18/04/2026 11:52

You don't have to stop seeing them, but your DH is well within his rights to stop joining you.

Don't invite them to already-planned family activities, make separate arrangements with them.

JLou08 · 18/04/2026 12:04

He sounds controlling. Do you not have individual friends? He's already pushed out one if your friends that he didn't like and now he's trying to have you cut off from this couple of friends saying the time should be spent as a family. Red flag.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/04/2026 12:06

Shoxfordian · 18/04/2026 11:23

See your friend one on one or with the kids and avoid meeting up as a 4 if he doesn’t like the husband much. I'm sure you'd want him to extend you the same grace if you didn't like the wife of one of his friends

It's not really up to OP to tell her friend she wants to see her with her kids, but without her husband.
And I don't see how it's up to OP's DH to tell her who she can be friends with!

latetothefisting · 18/04/2026 12:24

do you still see the other friend of yours he doesn't like?

Perhaps he doesn't like the other DH because he reminds him of himself - selfish, domineering and only caring about himself sounds exactly how I'd describe someone who wanted to cut off people his partner and child liked spending time with just because he didn't.

Original poster
OliveBee26 · 18/04/2026 12:51

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/04/2026 11:38

See them but without him, surely?

He doesn’t have to be friends with them but no way would I be letting a man dictate who I could hang out with. You’re not joined at the hip and he’s not your boss.

I wouldn't mind doing this but could be tricky at first. DH used to not mind them as much, so we are in the habit of hanging out as a 4, but over the past year or so he has really got the ick I guess. So it might be a bit sudden if he stops coming. And then there are things like bday parties, BBQs, group picnics, etc. We would usually invite them with others but he wants to stop

OP posts:
Original poster
OliveBee26 · 18/04/2026 12:52

latetothefisting · 18/04/2026 12:24

do you still see the other friend of yours he doesn't like?

Perhaps he doesn't like the other DH because he reminds him of himself - selfish, domineering and only caring about himself sounds exactly how I'd describe someone who wanted to cut off people his partner and child liked spending time with just because he didn't.

I do, but never with DH. Seems easier cos it is one on one

OP posts:
Original poster
OliveBee26 · 18/04/2026 12:55

NoSoupForU · 18/04/2026 11:48

You're not unreasonable to keep seeing your friend. You'd be unreasonable to force her, or even worse them as a couple, on your husband who has been clear he doesn't like them.

They are both my friends, not just her. DH thinks if I keep seeing them it keeps them close and then he will have to see them more (which is kind of true)

OP posts:
Dozer · 18/04/2026 13:10

That’s unfair: it could be awkward for you to meet up without him but doing so wouldn’t mean you ‘have to’ see them with DH present.

Netcurtainnelly · 18/04/2026 13:19

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 11:36

Where are the ‘red flags’? He just doesn’t like the guy and thinks he’s domineering in conversation! Not that he’s a threat to their toddler!

Show quote history

He thinks he's domineering lol, the friend probably thinks your husband/partner doesn't talk enough.
Do you always do what he tells you to do.

Shinyandnew1 · 18/04/2026 13:23

It sounds more like your husband is controlling who he wants you to see and he’s already done this with previous friends.

My husband has never done this in several decades of marriage and I wouldn’t like it one bit.

NoSoupForU · 18/04/2026 13:23

Plainly, you should stop inviting people into your home who your husband has a strong dislike of. It isn't controlling to want your home free from people you don't like. See them at other events or whatever, sure. But your husband shouldn't be expected to join in.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 18/04/2026 13:54

But to stop inviting them on group outings with other friends sounds mean. Can’t he just avoid the guy he doesn’t like?

Nantescalling · 18/04/2026 16:23

PollyBell · 18/04/2026 11:31

Well if a woman was not happy with one of her male partners friends being around her child would it be acceptable for him to keep on seeing the friend with her child?

I say her as her and our seems to be used to suit on here

Your husband is seeing red flags and telling you and you are ignoring it? So who is unreasonable?

I don't think you understood the OP ?