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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for getting angry with family dismissing SA allegations

49 replies

KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 07:15

Am i being unreasonable to feel absolutely furious with how things are getting dealt with? My sisters husband (28) has been accused (SA) by both of our nieces, one is 10 other is now 18. 10 year old came out with a very specific story, she had the date and exactly what happened. Telling it very clearly, after she came out with it earlier, my 18 year old niece told of an experience she had when she was around 12 and a few others.

Now obviously this is a sensitive subject and i get that people lie, but the way these girls by my family are getting called liars, trouble makers and completely dismissed is actually really upsetting me... Everyone keeps saying he is too nice, too good with kids to do it. Now the reason why i personally believe them is because the things they've described solely, without input from anyone else are things he tried to do to me, i obviously called it out, he was brushing past my body and touching my bum/thighs every single time at first i thought i was crazy, but it kept happening. One day we was alone at my parents house, i was cleaning for my parents (i am near 30) and he came down stairs with only boxers on and a visible hard on i felt so unsafe as the only two people in the house PLUS ive given no signs, signals etc and hes with my sister, so he is a risk taker and quite brave to do that, i remember feeling pure shock as i known him for so many years and i walked out the house and just cried basically. I obviously told my sister but she didnt believe it and said i was misunderstood so since then any brushes or anything i feel are instantly written off. Well my nieces described exactly the same, brushes past on their bum and they both said he flashed their penis to them. The 10 year old remembers the exact day as it was by Christmas and she literally detailed how and when it happened (seeing his penis) and the story was identical to my sisters in terms of what they all did that day. Shes taken his side (and my father has) completely and is calling them liars trouble makers etc.

She (and my dad). said bcus the kids have had a 'tough' home life they are lying to cover up for someone else. I got mad today because they are calling them all sorts of names, dismissing the claims and even told the girls dad that hes a liar too as he is going to the police. My dad has said some questionable things, like he keeps saying he is 100% innocent (over his own grandchildren), and he said there's no way he would ever, he wouldn't dare and that he doesnt want my nieces to come at all to my moms house anymore, i cant say that he 100% did it but, i have a gut feeling and i haven't slept all night and my first instinct is to protect especially the 10 year old. Am i being unreasonable for wanting to fall out with these people for my nieces?!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 18/04/2026 07:43

Can you support them in going to the police and Social services? They are at further risk and it’s up to all the adults to protect them.

your family are awful Flowers this is how sexual abuse gets ignored, they were groomed

BlueMum16 · 18/04/2026 07:50

The girls dad is doing the right thing and going to the Police.

Support the girls in what will be a difficult time ahead.

You should also make a statement to the Police about what happened to you.

Your sister and your dad can make their own choices. Do you still live at your parents?

MyLuckyHelper · 18/04/2026 07:53

I would have no interest in speaking to these people ever again. This can’t be brushed over for a single day more. You need to report to the police yourself what’s been disclosed and give them the context of the experiences you’ve had with him.

wish you the best of luck ❤️

NotAnotherScarf · 18/04/2026 07:54

I have heard similar stories over my 57 years...the latest being a guy who abused his own daughter. Thankfully, her mother believed her. Sadly he'd done it to his niece years earlier which had been met with "she's lying " "he's not that sort" . So two girls had their lives damaged.

Speak to the police about what he did to you. You need to protect the children. Sadly you might lose your family but that is on them not you.

Theyneverknow · 18/04/2026 07:55

I’m confused. So their dad (your BIL) SA the children?

You say he’s 28 and has a 18 year old?

Or is this another BIL perhaps?

Sorry if I’ve got it wrong

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 18/04/2026 08:00

Presumably he’s assaulting his step daughters, among others.
I’m so sorry, OP, that’s awful. I’d go to Social services, NSPCC, etc.

Do you live with your parents?

Auroraloves · 18/04/2026 08:43

This will be just the tip of the iceberg A relative ex partner (and also ex cop) is serving time for similar offences.

He has groomed my sister when she was 16 but thankfully nothing else happened to her

There will be more than this that your BIL has done. Please report your experience and support your nieces. Is the girls Dad your brother?

KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 09:59

Hi so sorry yeah BIL has been accused, my nieces dad (my brother) wants to kill him but so many are defending and i can see hes gonna worm his way out so ive told my brother im.happt to speak to the police!! I didnt sleep a wink last night

OP posts:
KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 10:00

Theyneverknow · 18/04/2026 07:55

I’m confused. So their dad (your BIL) SA the children?

You say he’s 28 and has a 18 year old?

Or is this another BIL perhaps?

Sorry if I’ve got it wrong

Sorry he has no kids! 18 and 10 year old are my brothers kids, he is very very close to the family. Often wants time alone w the kids ive noticed. My sister is saying it absolutely isnt true and they are lying and shes sticking by him so thats the end of our relationship! But ive seen some true colours, if children accused my partner im sorry i wojld have to distance myself until i knew. Everyone keeps saying thr 10 year old is crazy? I feel like crashing out

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 18/04/2026 10:10

You need to speak to the police and make a statement. Odd that your parents are dismissing their own son over their son in law.

How does he ‘often want time alone with the kids’?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 18/04/2026 10:22

Can they live with your brother?

Cakeandcardio · 18/04/2026 10:29

Can the dad remove them from mum's care, contact social services etc. He is a paedophile and you need to protect them. Especially the 10 year old who is more vulnerable as she can't just walk out etc.

Good luck. It is a hard fight but you know in your heart it is true. Very very few people ever say they are SA to lie. These girls are crying out for help.

2boyzNosleep · 18/04/2026 10:35

So the nieces are your brothers children?

So your sisters nieces as well? Its a little unclear.

Wanting to be alone with them when they aren't his children or step children is a massive red flag. I feel for your nieces.

Either way, your sister isnt able to protect children whether or not they are her own.

JLou08 · 18/04/2026 10:47

Go to the police to report this yourself, your experience and what the girls have disclosed. Your parents are unbelievable, to prioritise their Son in law and believe him over 2 granddaughters and daughter is crazy. They don't deserve a relationship with you, your DB or DNs, cut them off.

Dollymylove · 18/04/2026 10:52

The nieces are your brothers children and the BIL is your sisters husband, theybdont have children. Is this correct?

Random321 · 18/04/2026 11:22

Why have you not make a statement to the police?

KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 11:46

Random321 · 18/04/2026 11:22

Why have you not make a statement to the police?

I will, we are waiting for the police to come out. I didn't before as i had brought up what was happening to me and it was instantly dismissed. Children involved is absolutely different so i will not keep quiet.

OP posts:
KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 11:50

JLou08 · 18/04/2026 10:47

Go to the police to report this yourself, your experience and what the girls have disclosed. Your parents are unbelievable, to prioritise their Son in law and believe him over 2 granddaughters and daughter is crazy. They don't deserve a relationship with you, your DB or DNs, cut them off.

My mother is absolutely on my nieces side with me, the whole family is falling apart. She has asked my dad to leave too as he is the one claiming BIL is 100% innocent. She so hurt. Seeing her like this is devastating. My other brother and my dad seem to think he is innocent, so does my sister. This is a wake up call for me about some people in my family

OP posts:
KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 11:52

Just to clarify, my dad isnt BIL dad and im sensing some dislike toward my brother and his children unfortunately which is why i think he's very quick to believe he is innocent. He told me i am a 'man hater' too.

OP posts:
KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 11:58

LaurieFairyCake · 18/04/2026 07:43

Can you support them in going to the police and Social services? They are at further risk and it’s up to all the adults to protect them.

your family are awful Flowers this is how sexual abuse gets ignored, they were groomed

Exactly what i said. They kept saying she is troubled and has a hard home life, so she is making it up. When i said that usually those types of children are picked because they think they wont be believed, I've basically been arguing with grown men about another grown man that isn't even family, i think its just delusional

OP posts:
Listlostlast · 18/04/2026 11:59

KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 11:50

My mother is absolutely on my nieces side with me, the whole family is falling apart. She has asked my dad to leave too as he is the one claiming BIL is 100% innocent. She so hurt. Seeing her like this is devastating. My other brother and my dad seem to think he is innocent, so does my sister. This is a wake up call for me about some people in my family

I know this is brutal on everyone but bloody good on your mum for taking a stand for her granddaughters. I’ve been the child who was ignored, silenced and/or deemed a liar and having just one person on my side like this could’ve made all the difference. I’m so sorry this happened to them and to you, fucking disgusting man.

GreenGodiva · 18/04/2026 12:04

I was abused as a teen and my mother and step dad refused to believe it. Please please support your neices and have their back. I can’t even begin to put into words how damaging it was to me to be told by my own mother that she didn’t believe me. I had nobody else and if an aunt had stood by me it would have given me the courage to go to the police. Instead it took me 15 extra years and a in those 15 years I was very troubled indeed. My entire life was destroyed and honestly, the abuse wasn’t the sole reason. It was my mums absolute dismissal that caused me the biggest wound and I can never forgive her.

tokennamechange · 18/04/2026 12:08

I can understand, though not agree why your sister is going to the wall for her husband, but I agree OP, it's really weird that your dad is supporting his son-in-law over his own grandchildren, son, (their dad) and daughter (you). Same with your other brother. Why are they so desperate to protect him?

You're doing the right thing OP, there's a chance the testimony of an adult confirming similar behaviour might make all the difference.

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 12:09

GreenGodiva · 18/04/2026 12:04

I was abused as a teen and my mother and step dad refused to believe it. Please please support your neices and have their back. I can’t even begin to put into words how damaging it was to me to be told by my own mother that she didn’t believe me. I had nobody else and if an aunt had stood by me it would have given me the courage to go to the police. Instead it took me 15 extra years and a in those 15 years I was very troubled indeed. My entire life was destroyed and honestly, the abuse wasn’t the sole reason. It was my mums absolute dismissal that caused me the biggest wound and I can never forgive her.

Exactly to this. I was ten, and the effect of my mother choosing not to act, and to pretend later that she hadn’t understood what I was trying to say, were far more damaging than the actual abuse.

KIttykittykat89 · 18/04/2026 12:11

2boyzNosleep · 18/04/2026 10:35

So the nieces are your brothers children?

So your sisters nieces as well? Its a little unclear.

Wanting to be alone with them when they aren't his children or step children is a massive red flag. I feel for your nieces.

Either way, your sister isnt able to protect children whether or not they are her own.

Edited

Yes our brother, so her nieces too

OP posts:
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