AIBU to work from home with children there after school short term?

[ThatiswhereIamat]

We have had a nightmare with childcare recently. Our dcs wrap around care closed (part way through the year in Feb!) which meant we were limited for options as most childminders booked up and so we opened for an after school nanny but we have had two one who got another job with more hours which was fair enough and another who has been so unreliable with calling in sick every week.

From September our options will open up again hopefully. My AIBU is that between now and then if we use family help a couple of days a week but having the kids at home one or two days a week whilst we finish off work? The are 4 and 6.

i manage a large team and I don’t think it’s appropriate to be working with children at home. It’s not really fair on anyone but I know lots of people do it, and we don’t really have a choice.

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You haven’t answered any of the questions? Are there 2 adults at home? You seem to be taking a bit of a matyr approach here but then going to do it anyway….?

FWIW, when mine were that age I WFH for over 6 months with no childcare and everyone seemed to think it was fine. Fine enough to keep schools closed anyway. Covid.

You know what your work is like, as a temporary measure a couple of hours a day it could work, it could work in my job anyway, I would juggle things and work a bit later etc.
We were all doing this during covid lockdowns, not ideal but we coped for a short time.
I also have done this with mine after school pick up a couple of times a week and it was mostly ok, but it started when youngest was 6 so a bit more manageable, it’s the 4 year old who will the tricky!

I would speak to your manager and be totally transparent about the issues you’ve been having and the fact they will resolve in September - you may beed to arrange flexible working so that you log off from 3-530, and then work in the evenings when your DH is home, or share those 3-5.30 shifts with Dh (he is a parent too).

In essence, no I don’t think it’s okay to be caring for children during paid working hours but it is okay to speak to your employer/manager about the unexpected issues and how they can support you in finding a temporary solution.

Do you have childcare plans for the 7 or so weeks of school holiday before September?
I think it’s really hard to have kids that age at home and it’s hard to finish regularly say 245 to get there for pick up and say back 330- sort out drinks and snacks.
Is there no after school club, no parents who don’t work in their classes that you could approach?
Could you speak to your employer about finishing early a few days a week by reducing your hours temporarily. Assume there are 2 parents at home, apologies if I’ve missed otherwise

Yes two adults at home - both working hybrid and so need to be in office on certain days but usually have one of us at working at home each day

I am not taking a martyr approach I’m just frustrated at the lack of infrastructure to support working parents. Covid was a different time.

It very much depends on your job, if you are expected to take calls etc in that time it might be difficult but I agree with others a late lunch break to pick up then schedule in your diary catch up/ admin time so you can use it to do more mindless tasks that means an interruption here and there is not the end of the world. No small dc here anymore but often end of the day a couple of days a week I put time in my diary to read documents, plan etc stuff no meetings are put in for me.

i manage a large team and I don’t think it’s appropriate to be working with children at home. It’s not really fair on anyone but I know lots of people do it, and we don’t really have a choice.

the comment above, sounds like you would not accept this as a solution for the people who work for you, is that correct?

Just after school? So 3.30-5? If you lean into screen time and don't mind that too much I would say absolutely fine, my little one is exhausted after preschool and I imagine would be the same after school. If I gave her a snack and popped Moana on I wouldn't hear a peep out of her, you'd never know she was there! Appreciate not all kids are the same but I wouldn't have a problem with this at all.

I don't think until the summer is "short term" to be honest. It's 3 months. If it was for a week or two, it would be fine.
I also think this is particularly difficult because you manage a team, where, presumably it would be frowned upon for them to have this sort of arrangement (and I agree, having a 4 year old is the particularly difficult bit).

If it's really only 1 or 2 days a week, can you not just organise playdates every week and perhaps negotiate some flexible working so that you are working early/late rather than when you are watching the children (by "you" I mean a mix of you and DH).

I do this regularly with my children who are 7 and 5. They play quite happily until I finish work around 5pm, and this is normally 2 or 3 days a week. It depends on your kids and your job, but I see it as a learning opportunity for the kids too - they need to learn how to occupy themselves for what is really only around 90 minutes by the time they're back from school. We don't have TV on during that time - it's a chance to play independently, either together or alone, and I'm working nearby.

Our WFH policy expressly forbids being responsible for childcare during your working hours. Please speak to your HR team or check your company family policies to understand what options yoi may have.

Its not appropriate, it's not fair on the kids, but you're saying you have no choice? If that's really true, then that's that isn't it?

I work from home, and every day I use my lunch break to do the school run, 3:30-4pm, and continue working 4pm-5:15pm.
my kids are 6 & 3.
It can be challenging but as long as I have their dinner ready and am armed with snacks, we generally cope well!
where possible, get the bulk of your work and meetings done in the morning!

It depends on many factors really.
How able and willing are your kids to play independently for a couple of hours without disturbing you? Even if you let them watch TV or be on devices longer than is probably ideal? 4 and 6 is very young to expect them not to disturb you.
If they do disturb you, how much of a problem would be it be? Having to break for a few minutes from writing a report or doing admin is very different from being interrupted while on call to a client or colleague or while in a teams meeting. Probably the more ‘client facing’ your job is the less likely you’d be able to work from home with young children there.
What would your employer think?
Would you, genuinely, hand on heart, get much done?
Could you work on a little at night once they are in bed? At least little ones go down early ish usually.
I work from home with my daughter there sometimes, especially after school and during the holidays, but she is 11 and more than willing/capable of entertaining herself. Sorry to say I’ll probably have to do it more when she starts high school after the summer as there ain’t no childcare for high school kids and I have limited family support.
My job sometimes involves meetings and discussions about sensitive/potentially upsetting information and I don’t do those if she’s home.
I don’t think I could get much done if she was the age your kids are and needing me more.
But if you have flexibility in your hours, aren’t client facing, can manage your own diary, and your kids can safely be left to entertain themselves for a bit, then maybe?

I don't think it's wrong to do it if you can focus on work. However if you don't "don’t understand how you can focus and get stuff done. I think if it was the one 6 year old it would be fine but the smaller one is trickier." then the answer is that YOU probably can't do it, and so shouldn't.

That isn't a criticism of you or your parenting at all, but I think if you thought your kids actually wouldn't disturb you and you'd would be able to focus on work then you'd feel that. If you don't feel that then you probably can't and should make other arrangements.

WFH with such young children at home is a nightmare- I know from having to do this during lockdown. I would suggest you speak with your employer about options. Could you reduce your hours until September? Maybe you could change your hours and work 7am-3pm? Whatever you do be open with your employer.

If you have non-working days then why don’t you drop these and flex your hours over the week so you can finish at school pick up time? Problem solved!

How do you work and care for a 4 year old at the same time. Can you give both your full attention

It does depend on the child. I don’t have to give my two year old my full attention all the time.

We have only been able to work from home if childcare is in place for primary age children. If not the work from home arrangement is withdrawn and you have to work from the office.

I feel for you but as you've acknowledged yourself you shouldn't be doing this. If you manage a small team are you ok for your team to all do this too? Your childcare issues are not your works problem to solve.

Maybe I misunderstood you when you said it's fine I thought you meant it's fine for all children.

Imo no one elses experience is going to help the OP to decide, her job and children situation are unique to her

But you do have to give them some of your attention all of the time, meaning you couldn't give your full attention to work.

Is there a local teenager who can babysit? In a similar predicament, we had our regular 16yo babysitter do one of the evenings and, as she couldn’t do the other, her 14yo brother did it. He was fab. He supervised them having a snack —and ate the rest of the packet of biscuits and several rounds of toast himself — came up with all sorts of games in the garden with them and seemed to have endless patience with Connect4 & Frustration. His night became chicken nuggets & chips night. He still pops over to say hi whenever he’s home.