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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel grief and jealousy over friends having more children?

41 replies

Cameraobscura89 · 17/04/2026 16:41

I’m really struggling emotionally after a couple of recent pregnancy announcements from close friends.

One friend is expecting her fourth baby and another has just had her scan for her second. I’m genuinely happy for them, but it’s brought up a lot of jealousy, FOMO, and sadness for me that I didn’t expect to feel this strongly.

I have one DS (7) and, due to my mental health, neurodiversity, and lack of family support nearby, I don’t think I can go through pregnancy and the baby years again. Logically I know that’s the right decision for me, my DP and my son, but emotionally I feel a lot of grief about the life I’m not
going to have.
My DS didn’t sleep alone for basically the first four years of his life, so it was extremely difficult.

My DS is also friends with one of their children and when I told him, he immediately asked if I could have a baby too, which has really unsettled me and made me question things even more.

I’m finding myself stuck between:

  • being happy for my friends
  • feeling jealous and left behind
  • grieving the idea of another baby
  • worrying about my son missing out

Has anyone else felt like this when friends move into a different stage of life? Does it settle down, or do you just sit with it and accept it?

Any reassurance or perspective would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:43

It’s understandable. I always feel a little bit of longing whenever I see a pregnant woman. I don’t want any more, it’s just strange at times knowing that chapter of my life is complete and I won’t be returning to it.

Annoyingdoor · 17/04/2026 16:45

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Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 17/04/2026 16:45

colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:43

It’s understandable. I always feel a little bit of longing whenever I see a pregnant woman. I don’t want any more, it’s just strange at times knowing that chapter of my life is complete and I won’t be returning to it.

Me too! I'm well past childbearing years but I still get a little pang that it's all over for me.

OP, can you console yourself with the thought that they now have to go through the sleepless nights and potty training and the mess and destruction that go hand in hand with toddlers, while you are onto a more serene part of parenting? Your friends might well start envying you, when they've been up all night and you're at the stage where you can take your child to nice places.

colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:47

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I’m going to sound dense now but - huh?!

Anyway … it’s hard being out of sync with your friends. If you’re the first to have a baby while they are childfree or the last, when they have moved past the baby years, or if they stay at one while you have an another or in this case if they go on to have more children while you have the one. It evens out eventually. But it is hard.

Annoyingdoor · 17/04/2026 16:49

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colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:50

Sounds normal enough to me.

Bendallbee · 17/04/2026 16:50

I honestly applaud you. You should be really proud of yourself for making such a hard decision when a lot of people that shouldn't have any children at all, churn them out like hot cross buns.

I completely understand how you must feel seeing friends go onto have more children but speaking for myself, having three children, the third of which is disabled, I do spend a lot of time worrying and thinking about how much more time I'd have be able to give my older two had we not had the third 😢

Your boy is going to have your undivided love and attention and honestly, that is worth it's weight in gold and is the best thing you can do for both of you ❤️

Annoyingdoor · 17/04/2026 16:51

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colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:52

Sure but she hasn’t said she’s going to start TTC tonight or anything 😂 She is just feeling what she feels 🤷‍♀️

CrescentMoonLanding · 17/04/2026 16:53

Bendallbee · 17/04/2026 16:50

I honestly applaud you. You should be really proud of yourself for making such a hard decision when a lot of people that shouldn't have any children at all, churn them out like hot cross buns.

I completely understand how you must feel seeing friends go onto have more children but speaking for myself, having three children, the third of which is disabled, I do spend a lot of time worrying and thinking about how much more time I'd have be able to give my older two had we not had the third 😢

Your boy is going to have your undivided love and attention and honestly, that is worth it's weight in gold and is the best thing you can do for both of you ❤️

What a lovely kind reply which certainly makes me feel better as the parent of an only who also feels the pangs!

SusanChurchouse · 17/04/2026 16:58

I empathise. I wanted 2 and had 2 but DC2 is autistic and it impacts quite severely on our lives. I get envious and look at others with 2 kids going on nice trips and holidays, seeing their 2 children playing together, getting back to work as their kids become more and more independent etc. I also look at families with one child and envy their ability to spend time as a 3 and not have to split themselves to meet each child’s needs. My life would certainly be a lot easier if I had stopped after 1. On a bad day I envy my child free friends……

It’s about acknowledging it, and learning to look for the joys in the life you have. And congratulating yourself on making a tough decision that’s best for your family.

Netcurtainnelly · 17/04/2026 17:08

no, not envious, life gets way more stressful and expensive the more children you have and there's no guarantee how it will all turn out

NotAnotherScarf · 17/04/2026 17:10

Being an only child is fantastic. No sharing , undivided attention.

SiberFox · 17/04/2026 17:13

You feel what you feel OP. I also have an only and sometimes wish I had more and feel jealous or sad. It passes if I don’t linger on it, and I make sure to notice the good things about our life too. I had recurrent miscarriage and thought I might never have a child. I’m so lucky. Some of my friends and family are childless not by choice. I don’t take this for granted.

Muteduck · 17/04/2026 17:14

Op enjoy just the one child, hes getting bigger now and your getting more free time.
When all the others are stuck with sleepless nights and dirty nappies.

Netcurtainnelly · 17/04/2026 17:15

Be thankful for what you have, not what you haven't.

CoheedandCambria · 17/04/2026 17:24

I feel similar to you op. I have one DD and a second one just hasn't happened for us and we probably need to stop trying due to our age.
However, for several years we didn't even know if we'd have any children. So I try to be grateful we have our wonderful DD. And only children are much, much more common these days. Yes I feel that envious pang when I think about the people I know who have two or more children but then I think of all the people I know who have onlies and there's a fair few of them 🙂

CookieCookies · 17/04/2026 17:25

Your friends who have more kids might be jealous of you! If I had my time again I would have stuck with one, dont wish them away now of course but definitely would have had only one if I could have my time back.

Studyunder · 17/04/2026 17:47

Right there with you. The “right” decision doesn’t mean easier. I think some women never quite feel done with having more children regardless of how many they have, others feel their family is complete.
Having an only brings a lot of conflicting emotions 💐

Chocaholick · 17/04/2026 17:53

I’m the same. I always wanted 4 children. I have 2 and can’t have any more for a multitude of reasons. I visited my friend who has just had her third baby last week and felt really jealous.

TheIceBear · 17/04/2026 17:54

I wanted 2 and went through ivf to have my second and there are 5 years between them . I hope I don’t come off insensitive but I really wanted my little boy to have a sibling but I’ve come to realise he’s not even bothered . It was for me I had the second really and he’s a joy but it’s hard work and in a way I miss having an only . You have such a close relationship with them and so much time to spend with them and there is so much joy in it. It’s so hard going back to nappies and sleepless nights as well. The grass always seems greener on the other side . When I was going through infertility I envied people with 3 or 4 kids but not in all honesty I can’t imagine anything worse. I’d rather stop at 1 than have 3 or 4.

jobling · 17/04/2026 18:02

Absolutely felt like this, it’s perfectly understandable. Even though I’m in my 50s, I morn the fact I could never have another, but feel blessed I have one. I would have loved my daughter to have a sibling and she desperately wanted one too. It still makes me sad, I think it always will but I can change it now, or even 14 years ago. I wonder if counselling would help to process it all x

colddampspring · 17/04/2026 18:02

I have to admit I didn’t really think of ds when I wanted a second. He likes dd and they get on but I don’t really subscribe to ‘I gave you your best friend’ saccharine sort of comments I see a lot of.

Newsenmum · 17/04/2026 18:03

100%
always wanted 3 or 4
it’s worse when people who didnt even want kids/werent fussed before/had mistakes

Ilusionada · 17/04/2026 18:04

I think its the right choice if your first never slept and they /you are ND?
My first didnt sleep till 1. But still awful for years due to teething etc. Dc1 is audhd.
3y gap and dc2 didnt sleep till 3.5yo and never 12h etc. Andi think is also ND.
So many people we know have both ND kids and it makes it harder as they play each other off of one or other is always struggling at school.
Se ondary has made it much harder for some

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