Would you go to party?

[Lifejustmovessofast]

Have a group of mum friends since the kids were small. The last year and a half have personally been very difficult for me (worst time of our lives) as my Dd has been ill and only recently a bit better. All I’ve done really during this time is be with her and now working a lot-I had no other choice. We all occasionally post to meet up, but never really do. During this time, they’ve mainly been with their other friends, which is understandable. They’ve occasionally checked in about my Dd, but not as much as close friends I have from my past-work colleagues, old school friends, who don’t even live close by anymore.
One posted we must all meet up for Easter, I really wanted to, everyone said they did, but as usual nothing became of it.
Just after Easter, I texted Happy Easter to
everyone, all saying the same back. Then one friend posted how we were all invited to her child’s bday, it was v last minute on the group invite and clearly because we were posting on it( family event at home, they’ve done each year) that she can’t remember who was sent invites as her Dh sent them this year, but that she thought we were all able to make it.
All the other friends replied they were going and they’d replied to her Dh’s invitation text already.
I was never sent an invite and had no idea about the party whatsoever, It’s very short notice.
I just feel sad and not comfortable to go really

Would you?

Go. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. She has invited everyone on the group chat so that includes you and DD. Go to the party.

Haaa cross-posted 😆

Just go.

Would your DD like to go?

If so go.

I’d not be considering this group as among my closest friends but not everyone has to be. It’s ok to have acquaintances.

But that was an afterthought almost, she didn’t come onto the group chat to invite everyone…they’d all been invited, except us. Then I posted Happy Easter to all and she probably felt she had to/remembered/felt prompted to..that’s how it feels?
I already feel quite sad that they haven’t exactly been there for us the way I would for them if they’d been in our situation and this on top just feels sad really

I don’t think they are anymore tbh

I would go if your daughter wants to go.

She has her neighbourhood friends to play with at weekends. so likely wouldn’t mind either way

They’d all already been invited two weeks before…

Go. Take a long view. Can be handy to have different groups

Or it’s the actual truth and she thinks she’s invited you but something went wrong between her, her husband and the delivery method…
I tend to always assume the worst but actually I’m often wrong. Go to the party. Maybe you can reconnect if you’ve been a bit absent recently (for good reason obvs).

Perhaps think of it this way.

She forgot you, but was appalled and tried to find a way to recover and include you and your DD.

If you are too sad to attend that’s understandable, but birthday cake and party games isn’t the worst way to spend an afternoon so so might give her the benefit of the doubt.

I'd go. I wouldn't worry too much about being an afterthought, not being invited earlier etc. They probably mentally placed you as unavailable earlier when your daughter was ill and haven't taken you back out that box.

Go, have fun, surprising things can come from unexpected invitations- but just manage your expectations that these are casual fun friends rather than deeper bonds like your older friends.

It’s entirely OK to be friends with someone but not count them as your best / close friend or be the first person they think of when making plans or checking in.

It’s nice to have a mix of close friends, and distant / acquaintances. If I was free I’d go - who knows you might become closer again.

I had an old best friend ask me to be part of her bridal party a couple of years ago, I almost said no because I felt like we were no longer close and I had been through some difficult times that she wasn’t really there for (not out of maliciousness just different life paths) I’m so glad I said yes because we are now closer and I have accepted the fact that not everyone has to be my best friend.

That being said it is up to you who you want in your life.

I would go, I suspect you didn’t get an invite at the time as your child was unwell but doesn’t sound like she purposely excluded you as otherwise she wouldn’t have posted in the group x

I’d say we were all a similar closeness but now seems i’m the only one not considered 😂 just feels really sad

She’s been better a while now though, they know this

I think they've just got you pegged in the 'doesn't go out' category, probably not consciously or maliciously.

Like i don't know if you've ever changed hair colour drastically- and initially people are surprised, but then get used to it really quickly, and pretty much forget your hair was any other colour? It's a bit like that, people get used to things really quickly, and are just used to you now not socialising.

My guess is if you went you'd start getting invitations again as you'd signal you were up for getting together again.

It's understandably coloured for you by the feeling you thought they'd be there more for you through your daughter's illness - but these sound like social friends that would be there for socialising rather than deeper connections. And socialising can have value too.

I’d go if I wanted to go. It sounds like from the other responses that the DH did do the inviting (they said they’d replied to his texts) so it does sound possible he did forget. They’re mum friends, to use your wording, so maybe he forgot about you because he hadn’t seen you at recent birthdays etc.

Personally I would go because I dont tend to read so much into this sort of stuff. You mentioned about the Easter meetup that 'nothing came off it' but did you take the lead on setting it up? This happens in my group chats all the time because everyone has such busy lives and someone has to drive it - sometimes no one has the emotional energy to and thats ok.

Honestly I think youre reading waybtoo much into it. You saying happy easter in a group chat didnt obligated her to invite you, she could've kept quiet if she didnt want you to go. Maybe she thought she had invited you or maybe she realised she forgot. If you want to go, just go, if you don't then don't - life's to short for over analysis.

He doesn’t have my contact, but personally I would oversee my kids birthday and make sure to check friends were invited

Oh God, just go if you want to.

You and your child dropped off their radar because you've been unavailable that's all.

Now you're back on it.

You would micromanage your husband? It’s his child’s party too. Why would you ‘oversee’ it and not him? Would you like it if he thought he should ‘oversee’ you?
And if he doesn’t have your contacts we can see how a mistake could have happened. Just go.

It sort of sounds like you are asking permission not to go.

You don’t need permission, you can just decline politely. But then you can’t complain that they aren’t including you.

So the question is do you want to socialise with these people or not?

I think you want them to realise that they let you down and apologise. They probably aren’t going to do that.

But that certainly aren’t going to if you never see them.