Would you go to party?

[Lifejustmovessofast]

Have a group of mum friends since the kids were small. The last year and a half have personally been very difficult for me (worst time of our lives) as my Dd has been ill and only recently a bit better. All I’ve done really during this time is be with her and now working a lot-I had no other choice. We all occasionally post to meet up, but never really do. During this time, they’ve mainly been with their other friends, which is understandable. They’ve occasionally checked in about my Dd, but not as much as close friends I have from my past-work colleagues, old school friends, who don’t even live close by anymore.
One posted we must all meet up for Easter, I really wanted to, everyone said they did, but as usual nothing became of it.
Just after Easter, I texted Happy Easter to
everyone, all saying the same back. Then one friend posted how we were all invited to her child’s bday, it was v last minute on the group invite and clearly because we were posting on it( family event at home, they’ve done each year) that she can’t remember who was sent invites as her Dh sent them this year, but that she thought we were all able to make it.
All the other friends replied they were going and they’d replied to her Dh’s invitation text already.
I was never sent an invite and had no idea about the party whatsoever, It’s very short notice.
I just feel sad and not comfortable to go really

Would you?

You seem a bit down about things and understandably so, maybe that is making you look on the negative side. To put a positive spin on it she gave her dh a job to do and he didn't get it quite right and missed you off by accident. I very much doubt he even remembers who he sent invites to. The important thing is your friend wants you there and it sounds like she assumed you had already had an invite but hadn't responded, hence her need to remind everyone.

The really important thing is you and your daughter, even if she doesn't care either way would you like to go? If you feel it would do you good to get out and have a catch up then I would go. Don't dwell too much on her dh's oversight.

But it’s his child too. My DH could come up with the right list of people for our children’s birthdays - I wouldn’t feel like I had to oversee that. Clearly in this case he’s left you out, but I don’t think that’s her fault for believing he’d remember everyone.

But don’t go if you don’t want to go.

Well, she didn't need to invite you at all, by the sounds of it, but she did.

It may be that her DH is a bit clueless and didn't think of you because he hasn't seen you recently. Or it may be that you'd dropped off their radar a bit, and she forgot to put you on the list. Either way, she cares enough to invite you and to offer an explanation/excuse as to why it's a late invitation.

It sounds as though you feel let down that they haven't contacted you enough, and haven't arranged to meet you. But here they are doing both those things, and you seem annoyed about that as well. Maybe they've been very busy, maybe they've had their own issues, maybe they're a bit thoughtless, maybe you're just not that high up their priority list.

Personally, I would go, and see how you feel afterwards about continuing the friendship. But if you don't want to then don't.

Yes I think you’re probably right, me and one of the other friends have tried to arrange a meet up at xmas, Easter and other times and it just doesn’t seem to happen. I see pics of them with other friends though so maybe it’s just our group and people just not as invested anymore. I suppose it’s hard as they’re just been living their normal lives and we’ve basically been in hell for so long. It feels like life just stopped

I’d be more likely to be upset if the others from the group had all been meeting up and not including me - but this hasn’t been the case even if they have done social things with their own independent friend groups.
She wouldn’t have put it on the group chat if she didn’t want you to come. I think you’re being overly sensitive and this is coming from someone who also can be at times! Go and reconnect and have fun!

You can’t have it all ways, OP. Use it as an opportunity to reconnect rather than be perpetually disappointed.
I’m glad your child is on the mend.

I just think I’ve tried a few times to get everyone together and if it was me and a friend had been in my situation, I’d actively want to get them out or would definitely reciprocate when it was clear they could/wanted to. I’d make more effort basically. You just never know when someone needs someone and if your friends can’t do that/can’t make the effort , are they really friends
I don’t think it’s deliberate at all as she’s a lovely person, I just don’t think I’m thought as as highly or considered that much…but it is what it is

Have it all ways?

Yes I’d go if you think DC would like to.

It’s interesting you complain about being an afterthought though, when you didn’t text a happy Easter to everyone until after Easter. They probably feel the same way about you as you do about them, and maybe none of you are really that bothered?

I have to agree with this. You are very sad and upset that you couldn’t go out with your friends whilst your daughter was sick. So you haven’t gone out for months, they stopped inviting you because you always said no (understandable your daughter has been sick) she’s now well enough to play out with other children (in your neighbourhood).

You want to meet up with your friends again, you suggest that maybe you should get together. You are then invited by your friend to her child’s birthday party and you are upset you haven’t been invited but you have been invited so you don’t want to go?

No, another had texted before Easter saying we should do a get together, I was enthusiastic about this, but no one got together
I initiated the next text about Easter, no one else had

But I wasn’t invited the same as everyone else was weeks before, almost like an afterthought/reminder to them after I texted to say Happy Easter, the others had known for weeks
Anyway, that’s the way it goes, It’s fine now, just felt sad about it at first. Things have changed whilst we’ve been off the scene and I need to start again probably and that’s ok, it’s just been very difficult

Why not accept the reason that her husband, who you've said doesn't have your number, missed you off the invite texts? You've said what you would have done but you aren't them, so you could either feel sad and drift from the group or accept a mistake and go to the party?

I would have no issue going i dont choose to think that deeply about what ifs or what about it is an event if i want to go I just go, if I dont want to go again i won't

That must be great for you…! We’re not all the same I suppose…

the initial invitations weren’t on the group. Whatever you think about why they’ve invited you now, they could easily have kept it secret. The6 didn’t. They invited you.