AIBU to expect DH to take leave while I am unwell?

[LittleGeneral]

DH and I have 2 children - 9 months and nearly 3. I have done pretty much every night feed and morning wake up since they were born due to DH working 3pm until 11pm. I do our routine evening solo too. All fine. During the night however I was vomiting and have D&V. I am wiped out. I got up with DS during the night and then asked DH to get up with the kids when they got up at 6:15am. He did so begrudgingly and has now gone back to bed. I mentioned he may need to take a sick day or "parental leave" day at work tonight depending on how the day goes and he basically refused. I'm on maternity leave for another month. AIBU to expect him to do this - do I just need to suck it up?

I suppose it really depends on how debilitating it is. If I was just wiped out from a night of D&V and the bug was past its worst with just the odd loo trip I’d probably not want or expect DH to take leave. I’d soldier on as best I could, probably relying on devices to baby sit the kids while I rested up! But if you can’t leave the bathroom, it’s coming out both ends or you feel faint/shaky and youre spewing rings around yourself then yes he should take the day off and help you.

Interesting and ironic username there

Have you not bothered to read the thread or even OPs comments where she has clearly outlined the hours he works, the hours he sleeps and the hours where they both take care of their children?

This! How can she look after two very young kids if she's on the toilet or vomiting? It's possibly a recipe for danger if the kids are being left unsupervised for periods of time - which are out of ops control.

I had vomiting and was able to look after my little one as it was sporadic, but if the op feels it's bad enough to ask for her partner to take time off, then really he should.

Too many bloody so-called super mums on here who think that all situations are the same and making it sound as if the op is being dramatic in asking.

She wanted him to take time off sick - only he isn’t.

When my kids had stomach bugs they would lie in bed shivering with a bucket next to them or be curled up over the toilet, sweaty and poorly. Not eating and sleeping until they felt better. But you're suggesting OP should just get on with it and carry on parenting a 9 month old and a 3 year old?? Wow. Nice. Maybe she can pass the bug onto them too and in a few days she can also look after her kids when they also start throwing up. If her DH was A SAHP or on paternity leave there is NO WAY he would be parenting his 2 kids whilst poorly if roles were reversed. He'd have his parents round to do it or expect his wife to take a day off work.

He's a parent same as you and the way it should work is if one parent is unavailable the other has to step in.

It is sadly too often the case that men can do as they please while women have to drop everything. Let him drop everything. If you are too sick to care for two young children, including a baby, then he has to step in. It should be so simply but it rarely is.

When my DD was little, I had to keep her home from school on days that I was too sick to get her there because DH didn't think he should have to ever drop everything to be a parent like I did!

Of course when DH was ever "sick" he took the day off work to lie on the couch all day.... I have never had that luxury.

My DP wouldn’t hesitate and look after the kids without needing to be asked. But I guess it depends a bit on the job as well and how easy it is to take a day of parental leave.

YANBU. DH announced he was taking the day off when I was vomiting with a migraine while on mat leave. It was in the best interest of kids. I could feed the baby lying down and he just supervised everything and gave me time to get my feet under me once I eventually got medications and rest to sort it. I didn't even have to ask. Vomiting with a 9month old who needs eyes on all the time I imagine (mine does) isn't the best idea!

So should the DH risk getting it as well, so not being able to go to work?

This kind of situation is exactly when leave should be utilised. So you can rest when you are so unwell while he takes care of his children.

In sickness and in health. Not just fun.

I have asked my husband to take the day off when I had a migraine and was on mat leave with the baby.

Sometimes you're too unwell to take care of children safely, they have to step up.

I'm sorry you and many of the other posters don't seem to have kind, considerate men.

Another feckless shit of a dad letting the woman pick up all the grudge

My life

I think if he gets 8 hour sleep he can help out for a few hours when he isn't at work. But i don't think he should take leave because he shuuld save that for holidays not doing chores.

Why not get rid then?

I absolutely would ask my DH, and he would completely understand. I had norovirus recently and couldn’t get out of bed. If it’s a viable option for him then I really don’t understand why people think it’s unreasonable.

Depends if it is a viable option. He doesn’t work until 3.00 pm - surely that’s potentially most of the children’s day? Also does he get paid for parental leave? Can someone cover his work?

Doing chores?
Chores?

He should definitely take a day's leave. I remember being in your exact situation years ago and feeling so unwell I actually begged him. He said he couldn't as he had so many appointments. I will never forget this feeling of being completely misunderstood and badly let down. I managed to get through the day but at a huge cost to myself. If the roles had been reversed ( him looking after the children and really unwell and me having to go to work, I would do something about it) . It's just a day's leave. He should prioritise the health and wellbeing of his partner (and children!)

Taking a day’s leave at short notice is not always permitted.

Yes he should take leave - you are ill with d and v and should not ‘solider on’ and other such ridiculous suggestions. You can’t look after a 9 month old and a 3 year old when you’re that unwell. As mothers and women we really do not do ourselves any favours sometimes by trying to do it all, what is that achieving.

Or women don’t do themselves any favours by being seen as unable to cope and that feeds into the narrative that we women are just a bit useless.

He should definitely take the night off.

Thank you for this post! I am feeling so much better now and thinking bloody hell get a grip but I needed some kindness at the time xx