AIBU to expect DH to take leave while I am unwell?

[LittleGeneral]

DH and I have 2 children - 9 months and nearly 3. I have done pretty much every night feed and morning wake up since they were born due to DH working 3pm until 11pm. I do our routine evening solo too. All fine. During the night however I was vomiting and have D&V. I am wiped out. I got up with DS during the night and then asked DH to get up with the kids when they got up at 6:15am. He did so begrudgingly and has now gone back to bed. I mentioned he may need to take a sick day or "parental leave" day at work tonight depending on how the day goes and he basically refused. I'm on maternity leave for another month. AIBU to expect him to do this - do I just need to suck it up?

Think about whether you would still need him if you did a ‘no routine’ routine. When parents are acutely ill, it’s absolutely fine to go 100% no frills as long as safety is maintained.

Plonk older one in front of tv for the day. It will likely amuse younger one for a bit here and then also if kids program with bright block colours.

Forget meals. This is the time you need emergency chicken nuggets from a bag in the back of the freezer. We always cooked from scratch for ours but there was always an emergency bag for occasions such as you describe. Apart from that, just buttered toast or weet box or whatnot.

Forget the bath and getting changed into pj’s, just straight into bed in clothes. Or if they are in pj’s and get up, just leave them in them for the day. As long as nappies/buns are clean it doesn’t matter for a day or so while you recover.

Slim everything right down, only doing what’s absolutely essential for survival and safety. If you can’t manage with that approach then your DH should stay home, if you can’t manage then he should go to work. That’s the way DH and I always worked it with asking each other to stay home from work when ours were little.

D and V can wipe you out. With young’uns like you have, yes he should help.

I suggest the next time he takes a nap when you're sick you vomit on his face. That should let him gauge whether you are really sick enough to need help.

She hasn't said 'every time'. She has said this time. This is a kind of time when you should be able to rely on support from your partner. Why on earth would the default by the OP trying to scramble around on her own when she's got a living, breathing partner.

He could do the first couple of hours of waking night when he gets in after work and make dinner a couple of nights before he goes to work fgs. Lazy shite

We all had this bug last week and it was HORRENDOUS! I had it Thursday and it completely floored me. I have looked after two under 2 a few years ago with D&V and managed just about but I literally felt like death warmed up Thursday and my oh took the day off work to hold the fort. I will add for transparency he owns his own company so is very flexible in terms of days off, so that is a luxury we have. I don’t think you’re unreasonable based on how Ill I felt Thursday, as I’ve powered through solo parenting with flu, migraines, knee injuries etc just fine but I physically was too unwell Thursday and I’m by no means a “precious” woman. Feel better soon op xxx

I usually do all the parenting when I'm sick if DP is at work however, I recently had norovirus and he took the day off without me even asking. There's no way I could have looked after the baby that day and my eldest is 11 so I don't even have a 3 year old too. He should have taken the day off.

I would just suck it up tbh, but im generally someone who just hets on with things and wouldn’t want DH to use a sick day / parental leave

It’s was the worst part of being a sahm for me. Dh would squeeze time when he could but often the reality of being a single earner is that they have to go in.

You'll manage, we all do. He doesn't start work until 3 so it's not that long until evening routine. He needs to go to work.

If he takes a sick day and they find out he’s not sick then he risks a disciplinary.

So he’s an involved parent but you expect him to take time off. You are clearly okay to post on here so perhaps he thinks you can manage (as in I assume if you were stuck in the toilet unable to move, you wouldn’t be able to post?)

in real life he rings his job and says there’s nobody to mind my kids today there’s nothing they can do except say make sure you’re in on Monday. Its hardly a weekly thing!

You just get on with it. It’s what we all did. Sounds harsh but keeping a job/ earning money comes first. Put the tv on and sit in the lounge with DC.

Keeping a job?
Who are all these employers firing staff for one unexpected shift off to care for a sick family member and your own children for the first time in 3+ years (probably first time ever really).

😂you, so obviously have never experienced it

@Rocknrollstar just because some people have to doesn't mean all.

I would expect my husband to take the day off for d&v, especially as you've got to be careful the kids don't get it. It's called infection control.

So he can get it and then be off sick too? Cool. That’s going to help matters

Sorry but why on earth is hubby not doing any of the care of the kids?! He doesn't start work until 3pm and finishes at 11pm so doesn't even work overnight so why are you allowing him to get away with doing nothing??

‘Hubby’ 😱

As for ‘allowing him to get away with doing nothing’ - really? What do you suggest? Take his screens away and put him in time out?

No, man up and tell him he needs to help with HIS children.

Unfortunately it's part of being a mum. You will catch every bug your child gets. If he took leave everytime he would be sacked. You need to get on with it unless hospitalised

OR sit down like adults and discuss it? How well does ordering people about generally go?

If their dynamic is that she does the majority of child stuff while she’s on mat leave, then this isn’t likely to change right now.

D&V is horrible but what’s the point of risking him getting it as well (and possibly losing money)?

Parental leave is limited, at most it’s 6 days in a rolling 12 month period! This leave generally includes things like bereavement! I find it odd that people expect their partners to take time off when they’re ill! It’s different if they’re in hospital or just come out but for a stomach upset…….

When I had a 3 month old and a 3 year old, the 3 year old brought home norovirus. as he was recovering, I went down with it. At one point I was sat on the toilet holding a bucket, pooing out water, and I fainted - falling off the toilet on to the floor and obviously dropping my bucket of sick (also luckily by that point basically water). Luckily my 3 month old was on a mat in the living room and safe.

Yes. I did expect DP to take some time off - I suppose luckily he went down with it after me, as we'd have been in trouble if it was both of us at once. It can be very bad.

Actually- It must have been rotavirus, because 3 month old didn't go down with it as he'd been vaccinated.