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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that women are all bitches.

53 replies

wannaBe · 19/06/2008 17:37

... Well most of them anyway.

so go into the playground, and there are little cliques of women all standing about chatting and whispering about other people.

Go to PTA meeting and there are a couple of little cliques of women all talking and whispering and shutting out those who are not clique-worthy.

Go to the park and the groups of women stand around talking about other people, slagging off other children in the class and talking about the husbands of their friends who they think are prats.

... And so it goes on.

It just seems to be everywhere and I think it's not a nice trate of women at all.

And it's so easy to say that I don't want to be part of it, but if you're not prepared to subscribe to the bitchfest then in reality you don't stand a chance.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 19/06/2008 17:39

No YANBU.
I wish I was able to say I'm never bitchy either but I am.
I don't think I have ever met anyone who isn't a bit bitchy at times.

lavenderbongo · 19/06/2008 17:41

I'm not like that honestly! - but I agree with you most women seem to be complete bitches. I went to a girls school and got fed up with it - the bitchiness day in and day out - thats why I cant be bothered with it any more.
Thats probably why Im a bit lonely - but it does means the people I do get on with tend to be genuinly nice people.

AitchNunsnet · 19/06/2008 17:42

really? i don't find this (but then dd isn't in school yet, perhaps that's when you notice?) but then having said that i do pick up my nieces from school sometimes and have always found the mums there to be very friendly... and i've no difficulty speaking to people in playgrounds. there will be groups of friends, sure, but i wouldn't tend to barge in on them. if a single one comes over to look after her kid then we'd tend to have a chat etc. hmmm. i'm evidently thinking out loud here but my answer seems to be no, most women aren't bitches.

i dunno wannabe... maybe you're just a bit para?

hatrick · 19/06/2008 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PestoMonster · 19/06/2008 17:43

Well I disagree. I have lots of groups of female friends, and we might like to gossip, but we definitely don't bitch. I think there may be a fine line between the two, but not everyone crosses it.

AitchNunsnet · 19/06/2008 17:44

oh you mean that most women talk about stuff? well, der, that's what women do is communicate. and the stupider ones will be more likely to talk about stupider stuff, certainly. i speak as someone who regularly enjoys slagging off jordan...

Kimi · 19/06/2008 17:45

Its in the DNA, so says DP anyway

motherinferior · 19/06/2008 17:46

Chatting and whispering about people?

Apparently our school is quite cliquey - I hadn't actually clocked this myself - but er no, not the whispering. I'd notice whispering.

lilolilmanchester · 19/06/2008 17:47

hatrick, I don't live in a dodgy area and there are lots of examples of cliques and unpleasantness. More so in the school playground/around PTA stuff than anywhere else I've experienced. Whether I'd agree "all women are bitches" tho is a different matter. I'd say most women have a bitchy side - it's how often you see it that makes the difference. I can have some really bitchy thoughts but hopefully don't act on them. Very often.

AitchNunsnet · 19/06/2008 17:47

lol at you not clique-clocking, MI. i never notice them either, or at least not since school...

Lauriefairycake · 19/06/2008 17:48

for the first time in my life I entered a primary school last week (with my new foster placement) only to have no one talk to me and for me to be looked at up and down.

One broke away from the pack group and asked:

"Oh, you have littlefairycake now, how long are you keeping her?"

In FRONT of her

Now, I think I'm a normal, well adjusted person but I felt very weird walking out of the school yard with them all staring at me.

I just smiled at my charge and winked and said "forever and ever and ever, hopefully" and nodded at bitch other mum coolly as I left.

Ryobi · 19/06/2008 17:49

they are bitchy yes

the thing that makes me the most uncomfortable is that if you stand and listen and dont even contribute you still part of it

much worse at school

MicrowaveOnly · 19/06/2008 17:50

Laurie that was a supercool answer!!!

AitchNunsnet · 19/06/2008 17:50

so your story is that a mum left her friends to cocme and chat to a new mum on the scene (albeit not in the most sensitive terms) and that makes her and everyone else in the yard a bitch? wowsers.

motherinferior · 19/06/2008 17:51

I could also point out that the flip side of 'gossip' is supportiveness. Women network, swap information, know who needs help. I think that is rather important.

Ryobi · 19/06/2008 17:52

but only if you are part of that group
woe betide if you are part of tghe group and you do something to upset big wig aswell

shit my computer jusdt strted talkinmg to me

Ryobi · 19/06/2008 17:53

sorry it just shocked me. i could hear this voice rattling on reading out what i was writing baby m,ust have tapped it on

Original poster
wannaBe · 19/06/2008 17:55

MI that only works though if you're part of the in-crowd.

If you're an outsider and going through a hard time, then the in-crowd will stand in the playground/at the park/up the road from the school and say "oh did you know? xxx

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 19/06/2008 17:56

I don't think that all women are bitches, although a lot of us do have that capacity and can use it; but I do think that cliquiness is a problem. Sometimes it just comes from other people's insecurities and sometimes it doesn't - breaking into cliques can be really difficult, but have you tried?

It does take a fair bit of nerve - I know that sometimes I have chickened out and end up not talking to anyone unless someone starts by smiling/ talking to me - but on the occasions that I have plucked up enough courage, it has usually worked ok.

I do know that groups of women can become really bitchy en masse even if the individuals aren't generally that bad so it is worth trying to talk to individuals when they are not in their "gang" and see how you go.

Original poster
wannaBe · 19/06/2008 17:56

welcome to my world ryobi, .

OP posts:
lulumama · 19/06/2008 17:57

YABU and you know you are!!

worried about you ,wannabe.. you are not as easy going as you used to be...

anyhoo, i have a partic group of friends, i might well stand and chat to them, don;t think that makes me a bitch...

i never shut people out, and would have a hard time being friends with someone who did. but that is why my freinds are not that type of person

motherinferior · 19/06/2008 17:58

What group??

I am quite sure that our school has a mafia - in the sense of the parents who turn up a lot, and do PTA stuff and suchlike. There is a sort of clique with DD2's class in that a lot of the kids went to the same nursery. But it doesn't seem uncrackable.

I am, incidentally, supremely bitchy and nosy but fortunately have sublimated my nosiness into my job.

FairyMum · 19/06/2008 18:01

I don't think all women are bitchy, but I find there is a disproportionate number of bitches and gossip-hungry women in playgroups, school gates etc. Or perhaps they are just the ones you tend to notice?

AitchNunsnet · 19/06/2008 18:01

what does 'gossip-hungry' mean? can't you all just talk about Jordan?

ilovemydog · 19/06/2008 18:03

I used to work exclusively with men, and found that women could be horrible to each other, but OK with the guys. I don't know why.