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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry two nursery days a week is not enough?

33 replies

justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:02

In many ways this is more of a reassurance thread as I’m not sure what alternatives there are but open to suggestions!

DD goes to nursery for two days a week but they are opposite ends of the week (Monday and Friday.) Probably because of this she’s not massively settled at nursery, doesn’t enjoy it and is very, very quiet, almost to the point of mutism.

Nursery aren’t concerned because they have heard her talking to me and to other children (and if we meet a nursery friend in another setting she identifies them and seems happy to see them) but it is definitely something she endures rather than enjoys.

She turns three this summer and I had her down to increase to one half day a week from September and go up to a full day from January (so three days a week.) However something has been lost in translation and the nursery don’t have a record of this - I don’t know why but it doesn’t matter. The point is there is no room so the Monday and Friday is the only nursery / preschool she’ll get before reception in September 2027.

I am just a bit worried that she’ll start reception without ever having ‘properly’ experienced a social setting, a routine and the other things they teach them in preschool. I have an older child who did three days a week at the same nursery and he got so much out of it, still friends with some children who attended. So I just feel a bit like I’ve let her down.

OP posts:
SomethingSScintillating · 15/04/2026 07:07

But she perhaps isn't ready and doesn't enjoy it ?
So it sounds fortunate that she's not being forced to do more ?

SomethingSScintillating · 15/04/2026 07:07

Are you able to take her to groups but with you there where she can socialise ? Toddler groups in church hall type things ? DC often have more confidence with a parent there.

Original poster
justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:13

I do but she doesn’t interact much with other children. And because there aren’t the same people every week she isn’t really building up relationships. I’m just conscious that in just over a year she’ll be starting reception and I just don’t want her disadvantaged in any way.

OP posts:
Ineffable23 · 15/04/2026 07:13

If you're not relying on it for childcare, could you switch her to a more "pre-school" type place ? You may well already have thought of that and concluded it's not viable. Shorter days but more frequently might work for her?

I can still remember hating nursery from when I was about 2 onwards but I loved pre-school. No idea why they ended up with my having such different opinions!

Original poster
justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:15

I would do that but I do need the childcare for those days while I work. I have thought about the preschool as well but then I worry that would be a lot and mixing two settings for a child who already seems to be struggling perhaps isn’t ideal?

OP posts:
Laserwho · 15/04/2026 07:18

She's not even 3 yet. Mine went to a nursery within a school after they turned 3 and it was for half a day so around 3 hours. This helped prepare them for school. Lots of children don't play with other children before the age of 3. One of mine was very quiet under 3, never played with other kids at toddler group etc but by 3 was ready and enjoyed nursery. Maybe she's just not ready yet

Original poster
justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:19

I know - it’s this September I had planned to increase her days, when she will be three.

OP posts:
Bryonyberries · 15/04/2026 07:21

She isn’t three yet and many two year olds aren’t ready to build friendships with their peers and a lot of two year olds don’t really settle happily at nursery. This tends to be the group where they ask for parents the most (when compared to babies under two and preschoolers). Once she turns three and in the preschool cohort you’ll probably notice that she enjoys nursery much more and will start building friendships and confidence.

Two days will be enough, just ask them to put her on the waiting list for an extra day once she is in the preschool group if a space becomes available. A bit of nursery is fine, it can be just as beneficial for them to be out and about doing day to day things with parents.

OnceUponATimed · 15/04/2026 07:27

2 of mine never went to nursery and 2 did (one was with me until 3 and 1 went to a CM). All 4 settled well at school.
One of the ones that went to nursery we pulled out as she never liked it and managed to look after her juggling between our shifts and doing a swap with a friend. She settled well at school.

Laserwho · 15/04/2026 07:38

justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:19

I know - it’s this September I had planned to increase her days, when she will be three.

For a child it's a long time untill September. At the moment it seems like she's not ready. She will go through a huge developmental change before September. It's 5 months, that's huge at her age. She's not ready now, by sept she will more than likely be ready. I would leave nursery for now and start afresh in September

Happytaytos · 15/04/2026 07:42

I'd swap provision to somewhere that can do 3 days in a block. Much more settling for her.

SparklyGlitterballs · 15/04/2026 07:47

My DD was a quiet and shy toddler. She used to do a couple of days but it wasn't enough. She didn't have chance to get used to the setting and make proper friendships. She was much better once we increased her days. I'm not sure what the solution is OP if the nursery doesn't have space to accommodate her more.

Original poster
justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:47

This is my worry @SparklyGlitterballs . I could enquire at other places but then resettling her just feels like a bit of a hassle especially for one year Sad

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 15/04/2026 07:52

I don't really understand what you mean when you say you worry she'll never have experienced a 'proper' social setting, a routine and the other things they teach in school.

Just because she's going 2 days doesn't mean she's not experiencing a proper social setting! And she'll naturally be getting into a routine when she goes places/to nursery. And they'll be teaching her the eyfs things for that age.

My child did two whole days at nursery (not a school nursery) Monday and Friday, same as yours, from 9 months up to almost age 5 when she started school. I never thought it was detrimental to her and never had any regrets. She definitely made relationships yeah there were some that weren't there both days but there were some that were.
She wasn't good at drop off but she was settled there and enjoyed it.

But maybe it's different if your child isn't settled.

Happytaytos · 15/04/2026 07:53

You'll likely find resetting her for a year with more days elsewhere easier. It's a step towards a more school based provision and she'll be older.

FoundAUserNameDownTheSofa · 15/04/2026 07:59

I would move her. If they had space you could move her now (is it one months notice with nursery?).

I had a very shy DS and he had to go to 2 different nurseries at once from 10 months (because apparently 10 months notice wasn’t enough… this was years ago before it was standard to book them in when you were pregnant).

One nursery he hated (whereas his brother loved that one), one nursery he liked (but all ages were together so he was with his older brother the whole time). Then in the last school year before school started for him, we dropped the nursery he didn’t like and added school pre-school into the mix, and he settled easily and was really happy there.

It also made the school transition easier because it was across the playground with all the same kids, plus one of the preschool staff became a TA in his class.

MJagain · 15/04/2026 07:59

justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:47

This is my worry @SparklyGlitterballs . I could enquire at other places but then resettling her just feels like a bit of a hassle especially for one year Sad

Parenting is all about hassle.

What’s “hassle” to you, to her is the place of education she will attend for a year. A year is nothing to you but it’s more than a quarter of her whole life at the point.

It’s hassle to buy a bike she’ll grow out of in a year, school shoes that last 6 months, to find a Speech Therapy if her issues don’t resolve, take her to the dentist every 6 months. Doesn’t mean any of those aren’t worth doing.

FriedFalafels · 15/04/2026 08:03

My DD was like this. Had 2 long days in nursery but the switch to the preschool room caused major issues. She seemed to have selective mutism in that setting. There is more going on that we have discovered over the years, which I’m not suggesting at all, but I hope some of what we did may be helpful.

We chose to remove our DD. We were fortunate we could juggle a term without childcare but the following on your non working day is possible. We attended a parent and toddler group at a village school who were opening a preschool. Attending with me ensured she got to know the adults and setting. She was comfortable being there before she went without me.

Our local forest preschool also did parent and toddler sessions which we attended before I enrolled her in a year of forest school preschool independently. If you’re fixed in not removing her, consider a very different approach for the 3rd day such as forest or farm school. It was my DD’s favourite day of the week

Rocknrollstar · 15/04/2026 08:04

There was a time when none of us went to nursery and were at home with our caregivers until we started school. How did we all manage? My mother toilet trained me, taught me to eat with cutlery, I could dress myself. We also learnt to speak when it was our turn. I knew how to hold a pencil, draw and colour. I was also used to books and used to sitting quietly when necessary. Apart from cousins I wasn’t used to playing with other children. somehow I coped with the transition into school. My DC didn’t go to nursery till they were 3 and a half and even then it was 5 half days and in order to ensure they got a place in the Primary School.

FoxglovesAndLupins · 15/04/2026 08:05

I would transition her to a preschool setting when she turns three and sign her up now. Firstly, she isn’t happily settled so you have an opportunity to see if another setting would improve things.

Secondly, the preschool year was gold dust as it started the learning journey and made the move to reception so much easier for my DC. It was also the year some issues my DC had got spotted and I was able to plan for how to deal with them at school, working together with the school. Without this I think reception would have been very challenging.

10namechangeslater · 15/04/2026 08:13

SomethingSScintillating · 15/04/2026 07:07

But she perhaps isn't ready and doesn't enjoy it ?
So it sounds fortunate that she's not being forced to do more ?

This op and if she’s a summer baby defer I’m doing this for my daughter because she’s not ready

Mulledjuice · 15/04/2026 09:28

You know she doesn't have to start reception in September 2027

Original poster
justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 09:32

MJagain · 15/04/2026 07:59

Parenting is all about hassle.

What’s “hassle” to you, to her is the place of education she will attend for a year. A year is nothing to you but it’s more than a quarter of her whole life at the point.

It’s hassle to buy a bike she’ll grow out of in a year, school shoes that last 6 months, to find a Speech Therapy if her issues don’t resolve, take her to the dentist every 6 months. Doesn’t mean any of those aren’t worth doing.

Show quote history

This is an unpleasant reply. It’s no hassle to me; it’s hassle to her

@purpleme12 the problem is she isn’t settling well in the current arrangement (Monday and Fridays.)

@Rocknrollstar I know; we also managed without phones, cars, washing machines and other things that help us and just make life easier. There is always one Hmm

I can’t defer her. It would cost too much financially - DH would never agree to it.

OP posts:
boysmuminherts · 15/04/2026 09:34

justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 07:15

I would do that but I do need the childcare for those days while I work. I have thought about the preschool as well but then I worry that would be a lot and mixing two settings for a child who already seems to be struggling perhaps isn’t ideal?

I did exactly this with DS2. He went 2 full days nursery as childcare and then 3 mornings pre school at the primary school. It worked brilliantly for him.

Original poster
justsayitplease · 15/04/2026 09:37

I think she’d really struggle with two settings.

Preschools here don’t have wraparound: just 9-3. So that wouldn’t work on the days I work is why I can’t just move her.

OP posts:
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