To wonder whether the term “pick me” is misogynist?

[CruCru]

My daughter mentioned “pick me girls” a few months ago and, since then, I keep seeing references to them on here and other places. This is rather a new concept to me (I am firmly middle aged and was young in the 90s and 2000s) but,, looking back, I am sure that I knew a couple of women who would perhaps have been described as “pick me”.

One, in particular, was really fun when it was just us but would be hard work when there were men around. She would also tell me how many men fancied her.

Another was a bit of a jellyfish - you’d be bobbing along happily and then suddenly you’d be stung - but only when there were men around.

Perhaps it is just that, where once we would have said “God, Celine was being so annoying”, now we would say “Celine was being a bit of a “pick me””.

Would you say that the term “pick me” is misogynistic? I think there are “pick me boys too”.

'Pick me's are misogynistic. Not the term.

In all honesty, probably was putting down other girls as that was the environment at the time. The popular girls were putting down other girls too. I didn't hold particular interests or view points to appeal to men, I just liked what I liked and still like the same things. Comedy, artwork and animals

AFAIK Girl code means simply not to go after another girl's / woman's crush / boyfriend /husband, no?

I felt equal to the boys at the time. I went to the same schools as boys, and in the same classes. I honestly felt equal. Even when I got a job, it was in a male dominated field. A blokey bloke bloke environment. It was only when I got pregnant that I was like Oh I get it now. That was when I felt the patriarchy and the hatred for women.

It is used in a misogynistic way a lot of the time. It's used by women who think that women are a monolith, so anyone disagreeing with you must be a man or doing it for men.

There is also a racial element to it. "Pick me" is an AAVE term. (Please read these links and/or Google the term before you argue with this point, it was coined in AAVE).
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17aWEmyN9Q/
https://www.eviemagazine.com/post/how-calling-women-pick-mes-became-a-tool-of-ideological-enforcement
https://balleralert.com/profiles/blogs/pick-me-and-its-toxicity-with-black-women/

White women particularly have appropriated the term and then they misuse it to try and shame other women into agreeing with them. The most ironic thing is when their ethnocentricity means that they call a Black woman a pick me (or a man) for having a different set of experiences and therefore views than the white female majority.

It's the height of ignorance as they are misusing a Black term against a Black person for not being white and therefore seeing the world as a white woman might.

I mean I've heard a white woman call a Black mother a pick me for being concerned about her son's welfare in interactions with police and other authority figures. This was after a young Black boy choked to death after being pursued by police.

Not misogynist at all.

I can think of the terms that were used before this one, and those were highly offensive, so this one is really benign, in comparison.

I'm still not any clearer trying to undertsnd what it means

It just refers to a women who will side with men against their own best interests. It's very subjective because you have to decide what would be best for that other woman and that her motivations are to impress potential sexual partners. This is what white women have got wrong when they use the term against Black women.

We often speak from a place of concern for our sons' (and brothers and fathers) and white women mistake that concern for our children for deference to men generally. I think this has got more pronounced as sex based regret around pregnancy has switched to baby boys rather than baby girls in western populations. It's like people don't get why we would care about our sons when they are stinky male people.

Would Dolly Parton be a pick me girl? She's said she loves men, she thinks like a man, she loved her brothers and her dad. I have a dad, brothers and sons and I love them. I'm in a relationship with a man and love him. Love his dad too. Maybe I am still a "pick me girl"

Would Dolly Parton be a pick me girl?

No, but Jolene certainly is

The idea that a man is powerless against the seduction of an attractive woman makes the singer a pick me, and Jolene if she shares that ideology.

No she wouldn’t . She doesn’t put down other women.

Pick me is a nice put down, it's evolved form mainly sucking up to men and being dismissive of 'girly' girls whatever that is, to being a suck up. As suck ups suck, pick me is a fairy tame and quick way of putting someone like that in their place. Its mild. And before I get accused by weirdos of how unkind and all, no never done it but hope to one day. 😎Will report back.

Some people call women who are genuinely fond of men as friends, are a bit male coded, don't have very feminine interests or traits 'pick me'.

Which I think is unfair and sexist. Like you can't act a bit more like a man without it being because you want to fuck everyone else's boyfriends.

Agree but imo if you are putting down typically female things/girly women then I think it may be deserved.

Oh gawd no. I wasn't thinking of people putting down that side of things. Just that it genuinely doesn't interest them much. If they are coming out and saying 'girlier' women are inferior then they deserve to be given a wide berth.

Ah I get you and agree completely. Women who like more typically male things are not pick-me’s because of that though I agree some women do not like it. More fool them😅.