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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can you be allergic to diy?!

27 replies

menmen · 14/04/2026 11:05

Because I think my husband might be. This is slightly light hearted but not really as if I don’t laugh I’ll cry.

We loved into a new property 6 months ago, it needs painting, every single time he said he’s going to do it, he gets ill… now you might think well that’s not his fault, but I’m starting to see a pattern emerge. He told me actually promised me he was taking the rest of the week off work to get it done, right on cue yesterday afternoon he became tired, couldn’t handle the toddlers, apparently they broke him? Went to bed early with one of them when they fell asleep, stayed in bed this morning whilst I got up with the kids. He’s now gone to work in a right arse, also shouted at me for letting the little one have my phone because they’re going to break it, just unnecessary moaning at me.
Relevant to add I had my toenail removed yesterday so am pretty incapacitated atm, was told to go home and keep my foot elevated, that didn’t happen as I wasn’t getting any help.

It’s a rent more than anything, before anyone says why can’t you paint the house, I try too, he always says no I’ll do it as you’ve got too much to do with the little ones, why can’t he look after them while I get on with it ? Because he doesn’t want to look after them I guess.
He’s not all bad, he does work hard, he provides, and he’s pulls his weight usually when he gets home, but this pattern of becoming ill when there’s diy to do is really starting to bug me. He gets into this foul mood and just shuts down basically.
What can I say to him ?

OP posts:
Credittocress · 14/04/2026 11:12

I’d say to him if you don’t paint the living room this weekend on Monday I am booking a decorator to do it and it comes out of the holiday budget.

stop looking at it as painting the whole house- it’s one room at a time, and it’s an either or. If he chooses not to do this then someone else does it instead.

TheyGrewUp · 14/04/2026 11:17

Yes, my DH is "allergic" to DIY. In fact he's just not competent at it and dislikes it. If a workman comes for something or other and starts discussing, say, a boiler with him, he just says, "I'll get my wife". It has never in 35 years been an issue. I knew what I was getting and we pay professionals to do diy. All diy, even the outside and difficult to reach lightbulbs.

menmen · 14/04/2026 11:20

TheyGrewUp · 14/04/2026 11:17

Yes, my DH is "allergic" to DIY. In fact he's just not competent at it and dislikes it. If a workman comes for something or other and starts discussing, say, a boiler with him, he just says, "I'll get my wife". It has never in 35 years been an issue. I knew what I was getting and we pay professionals to do diy. All diy, even the outside and difficult to reach lightbulbs.

Thing is my husband is an engineer and is very good at lots of stuff, he just can’t be arsed ! I’m sick of looking at plaster and bare floorboards, he doesn’t like paying people for something he can do himself apparently 🙄

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 14/04/2026 11:26

And the moment you either start to do it yourself or a decorator turns up, you'll get the, "I was going to do that!" and "Why didn't you SAY???"

Honestly I would just crack on and get it done.

AmandaHoldensLips · 14/04/2026 11:28

Don't talk to him about it any more. It's pointless.

menmen · 14/04/2026 11:36

AmandaHoldensLips · 14/04/2026 11:26

And the moment you either start to do it yourself or a decorator turns up, you'll get the, "I was going to do that!" and "Why didn't you SAY???"

Honestly I would just crack on and get it done.

I’d have to take the money out the savings and that would cause a row !

I think once my foot is healed in a week or so I’m just going to crack on with it, I’ve been itching to get it done and always met with resistance, no I’ll do it etc. it’s just not happening !!

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 14/04/2026 11:38

I think painting is one of those jobs that feels really big but once you actually get started it's not as bad as you think.

Cakewalk7 · 14/04/2026 11:40

lol I’m your husband in this scenario aside from being an arse to you. I get excited for doing the diy project and very quickly get inertia once I’ve started. Is so annoying for my partner and I agree, I feel annoyed at myself! A hard deadline does help (eg booking flooring to arrive or something similar)

menmen · 14/04/2026 12:00

So he’s said sorry for being tired, what the hell am I supposed to say to that ?!

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 14/04/2026 12:27

Even if he did get around to doing it, would he do a shit job? would he actually ever finish it?

Maybe he's being all defensive and pathetic about it because he's fearful that he'll make a complete hash of it and he doesn't actually know what he's doing.

Either way it's stalemate. He doesn't want to do the job. He doesn't want to look after the kids. He doesn't want to pay to get someone else to do it. So what's his solution, then? I'd be holding a frying pan while asking this.

5to5 · 14/04/2026 12:29

menmen · 14/04/2026 12:00

So he’s said sorry for being tired, what the hell am I supposed to say to that ?!

Crack open an energy drink and just do it.

menmen · 14/04/2026 12:37

AmandaHoldensLips · 14/04/2026 12:27

Even if he did get around to doing it, would he do a shit job? would he actually ever finish it?

Maybe he's being all defensive and pathetic about it because he's fearful that he'll make a complete hash of it and he doesn't actually know what he's doing.

Either way it's stalemate. He doesn't want to do the job. He doesn't want to look after the kids. He doesn't want to pay to get someone else to do it. So what's his solution, then? I'd be holding a frying pan while asking this.

Honestly I feel like doing that ! There is no solution in his world, and you know what, no I don’t think it ever would get done, not around work etc. I strongly suspect he has adhd, he’s very much the type to start a job and not finish it, but somehow that’s my fault ! The only thing is for me to do it, I’ll leave the ceilings for him though as I don’t fancy chronic neck ache !

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 14/04/2026 12:43

A single man with no kids goes to work and lies down when tired.
A good family man a father supports when the other parent had a toe nail removed and looks after the toddlers
And either fixes bare boards or agrees to get someone in
Just tell him straight

HoskinsChoice · 14/04/2026 12:56

I couldn't live like this. Just sort it out. Either do it yourself or pay someone. You're complaining that he hasn't done it but neither have you - you're both as bad as each other. You don't need his permission, just sort it.

menmen · 14/04/2026 13:05

HoskinsChoice · 14/04/2026 12:56

I couldn't live like this. Just sort it out. Either do it yourself or pay someone. You're complaining that he hasn't done it but neither have you - you're both as bad as each other. You don't need his permission, just sort it.

Due to having my toddlers full time, bit hard to take time off from that ! I’m going to start it though as I can’t live like it anymore either

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 14/04/2026 13:23

Just crack on with it, he can either let you get on with it or take over

topcat2014 · 14/04/2026 13:23

I pay men to fix my car, I pay men to fix my house. Never seen the issue (as a man etc)

AmandaHoldensLips · 14/04/2026 13:26

Tell him that it's either payment for a decorator or payment for a childcare provider because you haven't yet mastered how to split yourself in half.

AmandaHoldensLips · 14/04/2026 13:27

(By the way - ceilings have to be done first or it's a nightmare.)

Shinyhappyapple · 14/04/2026 13:52

menmen · 14/04/2026 11:20

Thing is my husband is an engineer and is very good at lots of stuff, he just can’t be arsed ! I’m sick of looking at plaster and bare floorboards, he doesn’t like paying people for something he can do himself apparently 🙄

I don’t know what your finances are like but I think if you can afford it then paying someone to decorate is sensible. I kind of understand your DH because often the things we don’t want to do in our own homes are similar to what we do in our daily work . My DH like yours, fairly practical, worked in machining but he always said he would rather work over time to pay someone to do work around the house.

menmen · 14/04/2026 20:04

He won’t pay someone, I’ve asked him tonight, said flat no. I’ve got to wait for him to have the time to do it. I actually feel like crying as he’s making out I’m being inpatient and nagging him, am I ? Would you want your house painted by now that you moved into the end of November ? It’s not even like we can just paint it also needs mist coating !
We haven’t even got any light fittings up because we can’t until the place is painted, I had to “nag” him to put the blinds up and that’s still only in 2 rooms. No carpets yet because we can’t into the paintings done, oh also he reckons he’s fitting the carpets himself. Just so fed up of it. He said he’s more pro active if I don’t go on at him.. lol okay

OP posts:
WhisperingShadowsStoptheworldiwannagetoffNSOUl · 14/04/2026 20:17

@menmen that last line says it all ,so he's trying to turn it around so it's your fault..nah nah matey this is on you considering he took leave to get it done.🤷💐

WonderingWanda · 14/04/2026 20:22

We are both very good at diy and pretty kids renovated two houses. However, shortly after baby number 2 arrive we moved and nothing happened to that house for 5 years. Small kids are very busy and it was like we just couldn't get it together to do any more than the odd small job. It was so frustating considering that we had replasterred two houses, fitted two kitchens, two bathrooms and decorated the two previous houses from top to bottom. I can remember just being exhausted by it all.

AmandaHoldensLips · 15/04/2026 11:35

Random question - why is it only HIS decision about paying someone? Is all the money under his control? Do you not have any say about what the family money is spent on?

SallyD00lally · 15/04/2026 11:38

Stop being too scared to 'cause' a row and just get on with it.