To think it this was a horrid thing for my friend to say?

[cadburyegg]

I have a friend who also has 2 boys except hers are younger than mine, 7 and 4, the 4 year old due to start school in September. We got talking about the cost of childcare and I asked her if the funded hours were helpful. She said financially it was better but she noticed a real difference in the children accessing the nurseries her kids have used. She basically said the funding opened up places that lower income families couldn’t afford and that all the nursery staff were always busy with the badly behaved kids and no time for her child. She said that her 4yo started coming home saying things her 7yo never did at that age and she was (I quote) “fed up of all the shit kids taking up places where before they’d never be able to afford to go”. Basically she wants her kids to only mix with other kids like them. i didn’t think much of it at the time cos we were in a car in a hurry to get home but now i can’t stop thinking about it, im quite shocked by her attitude. but maybe i am overreacting and it was just a silly off the cuff comment?

But surely those sane "shit kids" would be going to the school regardless of where they were before then, so it's just a matter of time before her precious babies were exposed to the riff raff?

Yep, it is a horrible, snobby and ridiculous comment, especially as she is herself using the funded hours. I severely doubt children can be divided like this anyway. Some of the worst behaved kids I came across came from the richest families. I would start to distance myself from her if I were you.

Maybe she plans to send her little darling to an elite private school to avoid the Wrong Types?

@cadburyegg you can only access the 30 hours of free childcare if both parents are working. It was put into place to get more people into work and off welfare. Glad to hear it’s working, even if your snobby, vile, friend isn’t best pleased.

They are both/will both be going to state, but I know her and her dh have discussed private many times for exactly this reason.

yes, it was invaluable to me when my ds2 was preschool age and i split with my exh, enabled me to carry on working.

I'm on the fence with this one. We may not think all the time but it will have crossed our minds once or twice.

If they can afford it I don’t blame them. The language and behaviour of some of the children can be so disruptive to learning. The classes I work in I would not want my children to be in.

Is there a correlation between child poverty and bad behaviour?

If so, perhaps she meant that although 'shit children' is an out of order thing to say.

I think there is?

But it’s the language she used which bothered me the most

Well, she’s your friend. Challenge her on her snobbery?

Interesting.

Is your objection that you think it’s false and unfair, or that it’s true but she shouldn’t think it, or that she can think it but shouldn’t say it?

Anyone who uses the phrase “shit kids” about toddlers is beyond the pale. YANBU to be shocked and upset by her language.

I’m interested that the majority think I’m unreasonable

Hmm not sure on this one...working in a school I have noticed behaviour overall is getting worse in my school, with a lot of high needs in reception and KS1. I wouldn't say it's naughty children or linked to low income but there is a definite difference in the school I work at if we compared the leavers of the last few years with the new intakes. Colleagues in nursery say the same and there is a higher number that requires 1:1 supervision than ever before.

Mn skews sociologically towards the aspirational lower middle class who idolise private education as a way of keeping their children away from the yahoos. So yes, a lot of posters probably share, secretly or not so secretly, your friend’s prejudices.

well it’s not right on or kind but most people think this.

I don’t think it’s “aspirational lower middle class” to not want your child in a class full of badly brought up misbehaving swearing kids.

Some thoughts you keep in your head though.

I sent my DD to a tiny village CofE school in a “wealthy” area.
Those little darlings pinned my DD to the floor, stomped on her, kicked and punched her. They were all 6. She still had the footprint on her school dress.

The parents who can’t be arsed parenting raise terrors. Those parents can come from poverty areas but they can also come from the “my angel would never” areas.
Your friend sounds like a “my angel would never” parent.

I’m so sorry that happened to your dd.

My friend’s ds7 is not an angelic child himself , but my friend blames the other children and the school for being too strict

this is incorrect. Parents only need to work 16h per week to access 30 hours of funded childcare.

ETA: I'd love to see some stats to show how many people moved from benefits into employment thanks to this. Instead of having jolly good time of taxpayer looking after their children whilst giving them free time

Beyond the pale - come on - shocked and upset??

There are some shit kids because there are shit parents who have no idea how to bring up children - why be shocked it is the truth and if you have never thought it - then you're a better person than I am

They’re toddlers, not teenagers!

It's classically aspirational lower-middle-class to think that behavioural issues are linked to those children coming from lower-income families, though.

They can still be little shits!

Even those from good homes with good parents can be shits, but the ones with good parents acknowledge it and deal with it.