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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel fucking mortified after my friend realised I liked him?

26 replies

Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 10:17

This is a ridiculously embarrassing post but I just feel so upset I guess I just wanted to post and ask if anyone has advice

ill try and keep this as anonymous as possible but basically for context I'm mid 20s and recently was quite unwell and required a device implanted in my chest (not a pacemaker but similar idea, it's for my heart). Unfortunately when I was unwell I lost quite a few friends- I'm honestly not sure exactly why, I never talked about my health issues so it's not as if I was going on about it, they just sort of stopped inviting me to things because while I was unwell I obviously couldn't hang out.

i have a particular friendship which I’ve had for years and honestly- I thought he liked me more than a friend based on how often we message and the contents of our message, and I liked him back, but I was hesitant to say anything because I wasn't sure how he felt and didn't want to ruin the friendship.

anyway last night we went out and had a shot competition (probably not the wisest idea l've ever had but I just thought after such a shit few years, fuck it) one of the bouncers kept joking with him that I'm clearly into him and we should hook up and stuff. I laughed it off because I was drunk at the time and was just laughing at everything, but later my friend basically confronted me and said 'are you into me?' He seemed so offended and unhappy about it so I immediately was like no of course not, but it was obvious I am and he didn't believe me. The rest of the night was so, so awkward, and eventually we went back to his place (as I had to get something there) and then I called an Uber home. While I was waiting for the Uber home I felt really unwell- not just drunken sickness, it just felt like something wasn't right at all with my heart. It was 4am and freezing and he was kept saying how cold it was, so I eventually said just go inside it’s fine I’ll wait myself. He was said okay, so I waited 5/10 min myself outside for the Uber.

He texted me about 15 mins later asking if I got the Uber ok and then that was it, he must have fell asleep because he didn’t text saying did you get home ok etc. (I live a 40 min Uber drive away)

anyway, I feel better today and my heart feels fine but I’ll call the device clinic today to let them know I felt unwell.

but I am absolutely mortified now. He knows I liked him and it was crystal clear he doesn’t like me. He was hammered too but had sobered up enough by that point to remember it. We’ve been great friends for a long time and now I’ve completely ruined it and I’ve thrown it all away. Last night when I was waiting myself for the Uber I quite literally burst into tears but it’s my own fault because of course he went inside and of course he didn’t text asking if I got home ok- he doesn’t like me like that and I clearly misjudged everything

I’ve not got that much experience with this stuff because of the last few years, but can anyone tell me, will the embarrrssment fade? And has anyone ever had a friendship recover from this?

thanks x

OP posts:
LovesLabradors · 13/04/2026 10:45

Oh love, it does sound like you've been through it recently.
I've not really got any advice, other than don't beat yourself up about it - you haven't done anything wrong. Sounds like the bouncer was being a bit of a dick, and your friend got the hump for some reason. His reaction has obviously hurt you.
I wouldn't contact him again for now - leave the ball in his court. Yes, the embarrassment will fade and become just another distant drunken memory! At least he checked you got in the uber ok x

MabelAnderson · 13/04/2026 10:55

Well a good friend should have waited with you and made sure you were ok. That isn’t reserved for people interested in you romantically!
He sounds immature and quite selfish. Did you tell him you weren’t feeling well and about your heart condition?
Re the embarrassment, if it comes up blame being tipsy, it isn’t as though you declared undying love for him.

TheSlantedOwl · 13/04/2026 10:59

How do you know he didn’t believe you when you said you weren’t into him?

foxesandfeathers · 13/04/2026 10:59

The bouncer was clearly trying to make his own night more interesting with a bit of banter and teasing, but that’s not to excuse it at all - it’s awful to be on the receiving end of that.

I totally understand feeling embarrassed, but please believe me when I say that you have no need to be. If he’s a decent guy, then he won’t think any less of you for liking him (whether the feeling is reciprocated or not). If things continue to be awkward you may need to have a “clear the air” conversation because being in limbo or not knowing where you stand is no fun at all.

And - he should have waited with you for the Uber at that time of night.

Knotgrass · 13/04/2026 11:04

You need better friends, OP — this one doesn’t sound like a good one if he left someone drunk, with a recently-implanted medical device, and unwell outside alone at 4 am, and if several other friends ditched you when ill.

I would put him out of my mind, forget about any romantic attraction, and focus on recovering physically and making new, better friends. Best wishes!💐

Crikeyalmightey · 13/04/2026 11:04

You are over reacting a little here. You didn't do anything wrong, (apart from maybe too much drink and standing in the cold, sorry I know im not your mum). Just stay calm and don't let your feelings upset you. Believe me, on a scale of embarrassing stuff, this is tiny.

Pinkflamingo10 · 13/04/2026 11:07

I’m sorry he left you outside alone in the cold night waiting for your taxi ??!! What a gentleman !
you poor thing hope you feel better soon. If anything he should be embarrassed.

NoSoupForU · 13/04/2026 11:07

Why didn't he tell you to wait inside for your Uber? I couldn't envisage ever making my friend wait outside for their cab, never mind in the freezing cold at 4am!

I'd not be in a hurry to contact him.

BillieWiper · 13/04/2026 11:10

So how did the convo actually play out?

He asked if you like him, you say of course not. Then he is angry and 'doesnt believe you'?

If you just kept saying you don't how can he not believe you? And why would he seem angry you might fancy him?

He doesn't sound like a very good friend so I think you should just forget it and not speak to him.

Original poster
Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 11:39

MabelAnderson · 13/04/2026 10:55

Well a good friend should have waited with you and made sure you were ok. That isn’t reserved for people interested in you romantically!
He sounds immature and quite selfish. Did you tell him you weren’t feeling well and about your heart condition?
Re the embarrassment, if it comes up blame being tipsy, it isn’t as though you declared undying love for him.

Yeah he knew, in fairness I had drank far too much which was silly of me and I take full responsibility of that

just an absolute mess of a night all round! Hopefully I haven’t completely fucked up the friendship beyond repair but I’ll give him space and let him decide

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 11:41

BillieWiper · 13/04/2026 11:10

So how did the convo actually play out?

He asked if you like him, you say of course not. Then he is angry and 'doesnt believe you'?

If you just kept saying you don't how can he not believe you? And why would he seem angry you might fancy him?

He doesn't sound like a very good friend so I think you should just forget it and not speak to him.

Honestly, it’s all a bit of a blur which makes it feel even more mortifying😭 I just remember his face when he asked if I was into him and he looked so hurt and upset by it and it was obvious from his face he didn’t believe me when I said no x

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 13/04/2026 11:43

Why would he be hurt and upset that you fancied him, though? He might think, "Oh shit, I don't feel the same" but why would he be hurt? That doesn't make sense.

Quite honestly, he doesn't deserve you. He left you outside in the cold on your own when you have a serious health condition - and then he went to sleep and didn't even check you were OK? That's not a good friend and he's DEFINITELY not someone you should want to be in a relationship with. He behaved appallingly.

Knotgrass · 13/04/2026 11:45

Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 11:41

Honestly, it’s all a bit of a blur which makes it feel even more mortifying😭 I just remember his face when he asked if I was into him and he looked so hurt and upset by it and it was obvious from his face he didn’t believe me when I said no x

Show quote history

But why would he look ‘hurt and upset’? I agree with @TFImBackIn that it doesn’t make sense.

BillieWiper · 13/04/2026 11:49

Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 11:41

Honestly, it’s all a bit of a blur which makes it feel even more mortifying😭 I just remember his face when he asked if I was into him and he looked so hurt and upset by it and it was obvious from his face he didn’t believe me when I said no x

Show quote history

If he's hurt and upset by that as PP said, he doesn't deserve you as a friend. A decent friend would maybe be surprised if they hadn't picked up on it. Maybe a bit embarrassed. But not hurt or angry.

I think you're just making it seem worse because you were drunk and emotional. Just ignore him anyway as he clearly didn't act kindly to you.

Easilyforgotten · 13/04/2026 11:55

I am going to go the other way, could he have been hoping you'd say 'yes, I am into you' and the hurt and upset was due to him not understanding why you wouldn't admit it?
It's sounds like you couldn't get away from him fast enough, and it was super awkward, which while he definitely shouldn't have left you outside on your own, might go some way to explain it?
Is he sitting there equally mortified that he mis-read the situation?
Not saying this is the case, just a different perspective.

Original poster
Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 12:04

Easilyforgotten · 13/04/2026 11:55

I am going to go the other way, could he have been hoping you'd say 'yes, I am into you' and the hurt and upset was due to him not understanding why you wouldn't admit it?
It's sounds like you couldn't get away from him fast enough, and it was super awkward, which while he definitely shouldn't have left you outside on your own, might go some way to explain it?
Is he sitting there equally mortified that he mis-read the situation?
Not saying this is the case, just a different perspective.

Oh that’s a good point actually, I hadn’t thought about it like that

im not sure though, I remember we were deciding whether to go home or go somewhere else for drinks and it was sort of an ‘it’s up to you’ conversation and then I can’t remember how he brought it up but he said ‘I mean, are you into me’ and I remember his face looked so hurt and upset. I kept saying no wtf but it was clear from his face he didn’t believe me, he just looked at me skeptically and then we went somewhere for another drink, met some friends briefly, it was really awkward at this point and then that’s when we went back to his and went home

i think the hurt/anger feeling was maybe from the POV he thought our friendship was a lie or I was trying to hook up with him or something but that’s not the case at all. Yeah I fancy him a bit but he’s my best friend and the night out was always to be as friends, I was never trying to get together with him or anything like that but I don’t know if maybe he then started questioning everything? X

OP posts:
Knotgrass · 13/04/2026 12:08

Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 12:04

Oh that’s a good point actually, I hadn’t thought about it like that

im not sure though, I remember we were deciding whether to go home or go somewhere else for drinks and it was sort of an ‘it’s up to you’ conversation and then I can’t remember how he brought it up but he said ‘I mean, are you into me’ and I remember his face looked so hurt and upset. I kept saying no wtf but it was clear from his face he didn’t believe me, he just looked at me skeptically and then we went somewhere for another drink, met some friends briefly, it was really awkward at this point and then that’s when we went back to his and went home

i think the hurt/anger feeling was maybe from the POV he thought our friendship was a lie or I was trying to hook up with him or something but that’s not the case at all. Yeah I fancy him a bit but he’s my best friend and the night out was always to be as friends, I was never trying to get together with him or anything like that but I don’t know if maybe he then started questioning everything? X

Show quote history

Honestly, OP, I think you're approaching this the wrong way, and taking the blame for his poor behaviour when he went to bed while someone who's recently been seriously ill, has a new device implanted in her, and had had far too much to drink and was feeling very unwell, stayed by herself outdoors to wait for an Uber at 4 am!

Whether or not he reciprocates your feelings is irrelevant to how poorly he behaved to someone who is supposed to be his best friend!

I mean, in your shoes I'd be asking myself why I was so keen to take the full blame for how unpleasantly the night ended. Because it sounds to me as if you are reluctant to admit to yourself that he is a shit, offhand friend, who simply didn't bother putting himself out for you in the most basic way when you were unwell.

Didimum · 13/04/2026 12:14

He sounds horrible. Leaving you outside at 4am when your weren't feeling well, being 'offended and unhappy' when he thought someone was into him after a bouncer teasing you (good grief, can he get over himself?). This may well be a "friendship" you shouldn't give much care over ruining – it doesn't sound that great to start with.

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 13/04/2026 12:53

OP if a female friend of yours left you outside to get a cab knowing you were recovering from surgery and feeling unwell you would be calling them an ex-friend.

You seem to be tolerating and excusing very poor behaviour because you have a crush.

This person is not ‘boyfriend material’, hell he’s not even ‘friend material.’

Original poster
Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 14:58

TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 13/04/2026 12:53

OP if a female friend of yours left you outside to get a cab knowing you were recovering from surgery and feeling unwell you would be calling them an ex-friend.

You seem to be tolerating and excusing very poor behaviour because you have a crush.

This person is not ‘boyfriend material’, hell he’s not even ‘friend material.’

Thanks (and everyone else too)

yeah honestly I think I’m a bit blinded to it because I like him. But deep down I can’t help but think it was shitty of him to leave me and I sort of see him differently now, but then at the same time he was freezing and I insisted on him going back because by that point I was feeling a little better so I guess if I wanted him to stay then I shouldn’t have told him to go inside. It’s a flat up stairs slightly away from the road which is why we were waiting out on the road

argh, so confusing x

OP posts:
TheFatCatSatOnTheMat · 13/04/2026 15:54

Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 14:58

Thanks (and everyone else too)

yeah honestly I think I’m a bit blinded to it because I like him. But deep down I can’t help but think it was shitty of him to leave me and I sort of see him differently now, but then at the same time he was freezing and I insisted on him going back because by that point I was feeling a little better so I guess if I wanted him to stay then I shouldn’t have told him to go inside. It’s a flat up stairs slightly away from the road which is why we were waiting out on the road

argh, so confusing x

Show quote history

Again I think you are making excuses for him by blaming yourself. It was polite of you to say “go inside”, it was impolite of him and, frankly, reckless of him to leave you alone at 4am outside his house. Only shit heads do this.

Knotgrass · 13/04/2026 16:05

Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 14:58

Thanks (and everyone else too)

yeah honestly I think I’m a bit blinded to it because I like him. But deep down I can’t help but think it was shitty of him to leave me and I sort of see him differently now, but then at the same time he was freezing and I insisted on him going back because by that point I was feeling a little better so I guess if I wanted him to stay then I shouldn’t have told him to go inside. It’s a flat up stairs slightly away from the road which is why we were waiting out on the road

argh, so confusing x

Show quote history

Gently, it's not confusing at all, OP. You're creating a narrative in which you're at fault for his poor behaviour because it's easier than acknowledging that not only isn't he a good prospect as a boyfriend, he isn't a good friend to you. To be honest, a decent passerby wouldn't leave someone they knew was feeling very unwell and drunk alone on a road at 4 am, far less a friend.

Notabarbie · 13/04/2026 16:08

He didn't wait with you? I am glad he's not into you. What a heartless person. He's the one who should be mortified. Even as a friend, he sucks.

Notimefor · 13/04/2026 16:16

He should be embarrassed, leaving you to freeze. You didn't say anything embarrassing and it was all drunken.. you have enough on your plate just do a slow fade . He was not a good friend to you, he sounds very immature.

WilfredsPies · 13/04/2026 16:30

Ohnooooo4 · 13/04/2026 14:58

Thanks (and everyone else too)

yeah honestly I think I’m a bit blinded to it because I like him. But deep down I can’t help but think it was shitty of him to leave me and I sort of see him differently now, but then at the same time he was freezing and I insisted on him going back because by that point I was feeling a little better so I guess if I wanted him to stay then I shouldn’t have told him to go inside. It’s a flat up stairs slightly away from the road which is why we were waiting out on the road

argh, so confusing x

Show quote history

I think your friendship might have changed beyond repair. I don’t think he likes you in that way, because if he did, there’s no way he would have looked hurt when asking you, or that he would have left you on your own (which is a shitty thing to do to any friend, male or female, who has just been seriously ill, no matter how cold it was). He couldn’t get away from you fast enough, so he clearly doesn’t believe your denial. I don’t think he’s a very nice man.