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Original poster

To look back at my youth and feel sad?

32 replies

simplethingsarebest2 · 12/04/2026 18:59

Probably am being unreasonable but I feel so sad!

Someone I haven’t spoken to got in touch with me recently and I haven’t seen them since I was 22. They sent me some photos of me I’d forgotten about and looking now I think ‘why did I ever think I was fat or ugly?’ And why did I take life so seriously? I was so worried about getting a career, money, my life course that I lived live very risk-averse. I prioritised my jobs over everything even though I’ve been made redundant, had jobs that fucked with my mental health and now all I want is a job that pays the bills.

It’s made me feel sad because I’m 34 now and I definitely didn’t make the most of my ‘youth’. I know I’m hardly an OAP but it’s different now. By this age we have life experience and the scars to show for it

It’s shallow but I look at myself now too and realise every day I’m going to show more signs of aging. I am not as attractive anymore. My face is changing, the wrinkles are starting and I have more grey coming through than I’d care to admit. I think everyone reaches an age when the bright youthful spark disappears from your face and that has happened to me. I suppose now I’m a lot more aware of mortality and while I don’t fear getting old exactly, I can see why people have a midlife crisis about it. It’s strange to feel like your youth went so quickly and that time is now done and won’t return. At that age I thought anything could happen in life, there was a world of possibility, but they optimism has gone now and been replaced with realism.

OP posts:
H202too · 12/04/2026 19:01

Youth is wasted on the young as they say. I think it's natural to feel like this.
I don't think I would want to go back and do it all again though.

DallazMajor · 12/04/2026 19:04

I think most people feel parts or variables of what you’ve said.

It’s natural to have nostalgic feelings.

Mischance · 12/04/2026 19:07

I keep grinding on about this ... all this pressure to "succeed" from babies to A levels, to have a good career... and happiness goes out of the window. Balance is what is needed.

tarheelbaby · 12/04/2026 19:07

Youth is wasted on the young ... (George Bernard Shaw)
That is the phrase you're comprehending. The young don't realise how beautiful and full of potential they are.

My best advice for now is: throw caution to the wind and live every day to the max. Now that you know the secret truth, you can chuck all your worries. Also, do you know finally know that you are more attractive than you ever realised. Add a bit of 'devil may care' to the mix and you will be euphorious and irresistable. 60 doesn't seem so old now ... nor 70, nor 80 ... carpe diem (as they say)

HoldingInfo · 12/04/2026 19:09

I am in my 50s. I certainly have moments of existential angst. I realise that I have probably had the best of my health. But I try not to dwell on it. What does help me is that I really made the most of my 20s and 30s and even 40s. I would suggest you live life to the full and really enjoy your 30s and 40s. Don’t waste time in regret.

CurdinHenry · 12/04/2026 19:11

34 isn't old stop being ridiculous

Personally hated being in my twenties, young people know nothing

Littlemisscapable · 12/04/2026 19:13

You are so young. So much opportunities and your future is in front of you. Dont dwell on this !

Strangedayz · 12/04/2026 19:15

Hi OP, I don’t think it’s unusual to feel like this at times - particularly at big birthdays and other life events.

I freaked out a bit when I turned 30, however by the time I got to 40 I had gained more acceptance and a better perspective. I can now look back on my youth in a nostalgic way, but be glad that I’m not there anymore. That’s not to say my life now in my early 40’s is perfect, not at all!! But I’m looking forwards, not backwards.

Maybe try to see this as an opportunity to for you change some things in your life that you are unhappy with.

One thing I would recommend if you don’t already is to get active - find some sort of activity or exercise that you enjoy (or at least one you don’t hate) and try to stick to it consistently over the next few years. It becomes harder as you get older, and I don’t mean you have to become a gym bunny, but just to make the most of your health, and take care of your body the best you can.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 12/04/2026 19:22

I see life as a book, you've read a few chapters but tomorrow is another one, with endless possibilities. At 34, I'd been made redundant 4 times already, Mum had just died, Brother on a self destructive path, but I had an epiphany and cracked on with life. I met DH at 35 and stopped worrying about trivial stuff, said fuck it to idiots, did things that gave me joy and moved forward. You just need to realise that we are our own worst critics. Others rarely notice what bothers us, just focus on the great stuff in your life and box up the shit and throw it in the bin! You've got this, focus on tomorrow and none of us have a guarantee as to what's in our future, but honestly wrinkles and grey hair are just a record of a life lived, so embrace and charge into tomorrow.

Puppalicious · 12/04/2026 19:29

You are going to waste your life if you can’t appreciate the age you’re at now. 34 is young. Some of my prime years were mid 30s, and then another prime early 40s. Now I’m feeling past it as I am heading into my menopause years - but this thread is a reminder to appreciate where I am now as it is so ridiculous to me to worry about being old at 34. I’m sure a 60 year old would look at me and think the same!

NeedAnyHelpWithThatPaperBag · 12/04/2026 19:36

Sadly no one young listens to advice from older people trying to ensure they don't make the same mistakes they did, lol. And round and round it goes.

BauhausOfEliott · 12/04/2026 19:49

You’re 34 and you’re talking like you’re 70. You’re basically talking yourself into being old. If you lament your lost youth, don’t wish away the youth you still have.

I’m 50 and I don’t think of myself as ageing in the way you seem to think of yourself.

SassyButClassy · 12/04/2026 19:57

When we're younger, our feelings are more intense and we can't see the future so we're very focussed on the 'now' and I think that is okay. We come out the other side, normally, more balanced and appreciative of different things in life.

None of us have the benefit of hindsight, as and when we're going through things, but they always say, "Youth is wasted on the young."

MindBodySoul · 12/04/2026 19:58

Your doing the same thing now...

When you're 50 you'll look back to 34 and think oh I looked so young , I didn't have any wrinkles or grey hair, I was young and beautiful..

Learn from it ❤️

LappingLouisa · 12/04/2026 20:05

I’m in my 50s now and feel really quite comfortable with my age but I do remember feeling old in my early 30s - I think it’s s a funny time, you’ve left your 20s behind and now suddenly you’re in your 30s and an adult and it does all seem like the best years are behind you, or that was how I felt. However, it didn’t last and I really enjoyed my mid, late 30s and onwards!

Sartre · 12/04/2026 20:06

Jesus Christ you’re 34… I read the first part thinking you were in your 50s!! You’re still young!

Screamingabdabz · 12/04/2026 20:13

My 90 year old mother always says she wishes she were still in her early 30s. That was the optimum age for her. Many people would not want to be 22 again if it meant going back to the same level of insecurities, naiveté and gormlessness.

Enjoy the youth you already have now. 34 is a brilliant age.

5128gap · 12/04/2026 20:14

You've only been an adult for 16 years. God willing you've another 50 or more ahead of you. That's a very long time to spend feeling old and as though the best is behind you, and a pretty miserable way to spend half a century. So, get you head out of the past and focus on making the most of the now. You have no idea what delights the future may hold and you won't be able to say which your best years were until you're on your death bed.

thefloorislavayes · 12/04/2026 20:20

It sounds like you are now just as you were in your 20s, still not in the present, still
anxious about the future. Imagine yourself in 10 years from now looking back at a photo of yourself from today. Love yourself more, live a little, see your youth and appreciate who you are.

ChapmanFarm · 12/04/2026 20:39

But you are doing the same now and when you are 45 you'll look back at pictures from now and think the same.

I bet you'd have hated the pictures at the time because we all fixate on the 'bad' bits no one else sees and with the benefits of time we don't see them either.

I think a lot of this is just your personality. Some people are good at being careful free and worry about it later but if you are not, you can't force it. You can go and have the experiences but your brain is still saying 'should I have spent the money on this, am I enjoying it enough etc'.

Just enjoy what you have now and be proud of your young self. I was similar. Worked multiple jobs, put myself through uni, didn't travel but I now work part-time time around the kids (in a job I wouldn't have without uni) and have a nice work-life balance in my 40s. If I'd been more free and easy, I wouldn't be able to do this now.

I don't mind being older, it suits me better..

PottingBench · 12/04/2026 21:54

"why did I take life so seriously?"
You're still doing it now.

If you don't change this when you're 68 you'll be looking at pictures of a pictures of a 34 year old you thinking, I was so lovely then, still full of youthful spark yet with the wisdom of 34 years under my belt. I wish I'd learned from past mistakes and freed myself to enjoy all the rest of my days.

'Anything' still is possible. Just think what you could do with the next 34 years so that when you're 68 you look at those photos of the 34 year old you and think, Girl, that's the year you caught fire, that's the year your life REALLY started.

I'm 61. I can't tell you how young 34 sounds to me.

There's a fabulous line in Mary Oliver's The Summer Day
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

KrillBrill · 12/04/2026 23:20

"Why did I ever think I was fat and ugly?" I look back at photos and compared to now I was definitely not fat and ugly. But compared to my peers ar the time I was (and still am). The reference for our looks is the people around us, not a version of ourselves at a different age.

DrCoconut · 13/04/2026 00:23

Early 30s was my best time other than college. I'd give almost anything to be 34 again. It all went downhill after 40 for me 😫 I'm now staring 50 in the face and hoping I can have a sort of comeback.

Willweeverfindout · 13/04/2026 00:49

Youth is wasted on the young… it wasn’t wasted on me. I bloody loved every minute of being young and youthful. I’m obviously sad it’s gone now, but I’m not envious of young me. I really enjoyed those days. Fucked them up royally, but that’s the point isn't it?

Mischance · 13/04/2026 08:02

Piece of advice from a grandma. There WILL come a day when your health starts to shit on you from a great height and you will feel awaful ... pain, mobility limitations and in my case my heart starting to pack in. All out of the blue all undeserved after a healthy life.
Just do everything you can while you can because I promise it will not last.
And don't think of all the things you will do when you retire ... do them NOW. Retirement for me has so far been a litany of health problems and surgery ... oh and caring for a dying husband.
Grab life by the balls right now, this second ...