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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell MIL to stop criticising DS’s fake tan?

111 replies

Sam155320 · 12/04/2026 18:13

DS had a fake tan today, MIL expressed in an indirect way non stop about how it doesn’t look good. Should we have told her to stop after 3 times of telling her to

OP posts:
Firesidechatter · 13/04/2026 08:22

ffsnewusername · 13/04/2026 07:48

The comments on here are ridiculous. Anyone can fake tan male or female.

Granny needs to keeps her nasty mouth shut

God people get so irate and angry, even when it’s not them with the shit fake tan . Nasty mouth 😂

Jamesblonde2 · 13/04/2026 08:30

I’ve never known any bloke get a fake tan.

pictoosh · 13/04/2026 08:40

Depends...does it, in fact, look daft?

Not a popular opinion...but objectively, the orange people look weird.
I know there are a lot of them and it's fashionable to the point of being ubiquitous now...but it's still a very odd and heavy-handed look on some.
To each their own of course...but if my 24 yr old son turned up with a fake tan I'd take the piss out of him.

Thundertoast · 13/04/2026 08:45

Cant believe some of the comments on here.
Repeatedly taking the piss out of someone's appearance is bullying and nasty, its not bloody lighthearted banter, there's millions of men and women who have carried insecurities throughout their entire lives because of comments like this, who are then told off for being sensitive for not wanting the piss taken out of them. Ive seen threads on here from women talking about how they've never worn shorts in summer because of family jokes about their legs. Some people CAN take it and DO enjoy it, but why the fuck should we encourage this behaviour? One comment on its own can just about be passed off as a joke, but there is literally no reason to keep repeating it other than the fact the person doesnt have anything else interesting to say and hasnt actually developed a clever enough sense of humour to say anything else. Hate this shit.

Thundertoast · 13/04/2026 08:50

Also the idea that its a family members 'right' to make horrible comments about someone's appearance because they are related is ridiculous.
Also, all these comments of 'mummy shouldn't intervene' how about, when you witness someone being horrible to someone else about their appearance, you tell them to knock it off? If this was a grandad making nasty comments about his granddaughters appearance for laughs, I think the comments would be different - why the fuck would you want your kids to think you think this kind of behaviour is okay? You wouldnt let some man in the pub take the piss out of your mate like this, granny doesn't get more rights because she had a shag once and now you're all here.

pictoosh · 13/04/2026 08:52

Do agree with you Thundertoast. Even though I admit I would take the piss, I know what you're saying is right.

Auroraloves · 13/04/2026 08:58

MIL is a rude old goat.

MabelAnderson · 13/04/2026 09:02

Hmm well if my brother appeared in Tango mode I would definitely be taking the Mick. As would he in reverse. I don’t mind a bit of teasing.
Does the tan look ridiculously OTT ? I assume so or she wouldn’t have noticed. Sometimes it takes someone who loves you to tell you what everyone else is thinking… If she often makes insulting comments just for the sake of it though, that’s different and your son should pick her up on it.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/04/2026 09:03

ExOptimist · 12/04/2026 18:35

I think any man who has a fake tan deserves to be ridiculed. Surely his friends are going to take the piss anyway. If his grandma's comments annoy him he can tell her himself, doesn't need mummy to do it for him.

What about women with fake tans?

Maray1967 · 13/04/2026 09:06

ThejoyofNC · 12/04/2026 20:00

Sometimes fake tan looks ridiculous. He's plenty old enough to tell her to stop if he can't take it.

I think most adult GC would be reluctant to have a go at their DGPs to be honest. I doubt whether my DS25 would tell MIL to pack it in. He’d probably just avoid meeting up with her in future.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 13/04/2026 09:14

Soontobe60 · 13/04/2026 08:18

Really? Why?

Presumably because they like it? Confused
Not that hard to think we all like different things
(even though I never tan and think fake tan usually looks ridiculous, I wouldn't be so rude to keep going on about someone's though)

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 13/04/2026 09:31

If he can’t take a rinse from his granny I imagine he will struggle when he gets rinsed by his pals.

As a former victim of bad fake tan, I look back at pictures and wish someone had told me straight how bad it looked.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 13/04/2026 09:41

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 13/04/2026 09:31

If he can’t take a rinse from his granny I imagine he will struggle when he gets rinsed by his pals.

As a former victim of bad fake tan, I look back at pictures and wish someone had told me straight how bad it looked.

There's a difference between "taking a rinse from granny" and being told once and constantly wanging on about it though which it sounds like here.
The latter tips over into bullying.

MyLimeGuide · 13/04/2026 09:43

Tell her would she rather he got skin cancer instead?

MyLimeGuide · 13/04/2026 09:44

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/04/2026 09:03

What about women with fake tans?

Im a woman who wears fake tan! Family have definitely taken the piss over the years but it doesn't really bother me, each to their own n all that!

LassiKopiano24 · 13/04/2026 09:48

ExOptimist · 12/04/2026 18:35

I think any man who has a fake tan deserves to be ridiculed. Surely his friends are going to take the piss anyway. If his grandma's comments annoy him he can tell her himself, doesn't need mummy to do it for him.

So he deserves to be ridiculed because he chooses to wear fake tan? You sound like a delight.

Screamingabdabz · 13/04/2026 11:11

Auroraloves · 13/04/2026 08:58

MIL is a rude old goat.

And you are horribly misogynist and ageist.

YellowHatt · 13/04/2026 11:16

Wtf is wrong with some people on this thread.

I think everyone who said something nasty should have to share a photo of themselves and by picked apart the same way.

Dollymylove · 13/04/2026 11:45

Bogeyes · 13/04/2026 07:57

Why should a man with a fake tan deserve to be ridiculed? Surely you feel the same about women too? Or are you just having a stab at men?

Only the ones who look like they've been tangoed 🤣🤣

Dollymylove · 13/04/2026 12:26

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 13/04/2026 09:31

If he can’t take a rinse from his granny I imagine he will struggle when he gets rinsed by his pals.

As a former victim of bad fake tan, I look back at pictures and wish someone had told me straight how bad it looked.

Its no wonder half of today's youngsters are too anxious to get out of bed and get a job. They need to learn to take a bit of ribbing ☺️

Createausername1970 · 13/04/2026 12:29

5128gap · 12/04/2026 20:07

I'm hearing
"Ad a fake tan av yer Darlin'? Oo doan it look lovely! Ad a fake tan av yer? Doan e look andsome?
.....welll!! What a fuckin' eyesore! Looks like someone's made up a bath of bisto and e's fell in"

Brilliant. I can hear Nan saying that 😂😂

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 12:30

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/04/2026 09:03

What about women with fake tans?

I've selected this comment but realise that quite a few have quoted me and asked the same question.

I actually think women with fake tans look silly too, especially when they're heavy which they often are. Everyone, in my opinion, looks just right with their normal skin tone.

However, and the people who are showing faux outrage are being disingenuous here, there is an undeniable difference between the sexes in the UK when it comes to the use of cosmetics( which fake tan is). It is common and unremarkable for women to wear some make up, although in the case of enormous eyelashes and huge eyebrows those women deserve to be ridiculed too. It is not at all common or usual for men to wear make up and when they do eg on make up counters, they look like drag queens( not a good look).

In the same way it's common for women to dye their hair but unusual for men and if they do it looks silly( think back to the frosted tips of the late nineties). Having a fake tan is unusual for the majority of men and the type of man that would do it is likely to be extremely vain, obsessed by their appearance, probably shaves their armpits and chest hair and thinks that not being able to put your arms by your sides because your upper arms have been so pumped up by steroids is a good look.

When I think of my son and my nephews who are in the age range of early 20s to early 30s, all educated professionals, who all take care of their appearance, not one of them has ever had a fake tan or used a sunbed and wouldn't dream of doing so. If any of them turned up at a family gathering looking orange they'd definitely be teased, as would any of the women there.

People can of course make whatever choices they want but some choices are going to attract comment, not all positive. I don't subscribe to the saying" don't say anything unless it's nice" school. I'm more " you've got to be cruel to be kind" way of thinking.

YellowHatt · 13/04/2026 13:27

I'm more " you've got to be cruel to be kind" way of thinking.

@ExOptimist in what possible world is it kind to criticise someone’s appearance with the aim of encouraging them to change it to one that you enjoy more?

Your logic is that you’re trying to save them from being ridiculed. When you’re the one that’s ridiculing them!

mikado1 · 13/04/2026 13:29

B1anche · 12/04/2026 18:39

I'm getting Ross from Friends vibes!

Seriously OP, i thought you were going to say he was in his early teens! He can fight his own battles.

Edited

Same 😆
Maybe he didn't count mississippily!

ExOptimist · 13/04/2026 13:52

YellowHatt · 13/04/2026 13:27

I'm more " you've got to be cruel to be kind" way of thinking.

@ExOptimist in what possible world is it kind to criticise someone’s appearance with the aim of encouraging them to change it to one that you enjoy more?

Your logic is that you’re trying to save them from being ridiculed. When you’re the one that’s ridiculing them!

Much better for family to tell them how silly they look before they go out and all their friends and others take the piss.

The same way that parents should tell young teenage girls that walking around in bra top and shorts so short that their actual buttocks are hanging out is not a good or appropriate look in the middle of town.

Or the same way that family should tell women with fat bums full of cellulite that nude coloured leggings made of thin material, worn with no knickers and a short top is one of the most unflattering looks ever, before they leave the house.

Would save them from public ridicule.