AIBU to be irritated by my mum's constant comments about my car?

[2ndcarowner]

My mums ‘helpful suggestion’ to everything I experience or decision I make in life has been that I could get rid of my car and that would save me money. She’s obsessed. New job? You could work from home and get rid of your car. New house? You could buy close to work and get rid of your car. Need to save money to pay for a holiday/house repairs? Get rid of your car. It’s always my car, not DHs she thinks we should get rid of.

For context DH and I have a car each to get to work, and 2 children who need to be picked up from school and taken to clubs and parties from time to time. Both cars are about 10 years old and owned outright and cost very little in the way of tax and insurance, so even if we did get rid of one it wouldn’t save much money, but would be inconvenient because we’d have to work out a schedule of who needs the car when and potentially be dropped off early or picked up late for things.

I tried going car free for a couple of years, wanted a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle. It was a nightmare- I live in a London commuter town so hardly in the middle of nowhere, good public transport etc. But I was mostly reliant on trains and they cost more than a car journey nowadays.

Last month I had enough and got a car - and my freedom - again. Much easier to budget too, even with the rising fuel costs at the moment.

Exactly, it’s not just the inconvenience it’s my freedom too, I want to be able to just hop in the car and go to the shops if I want to or take a day off work and go to the gym without having to drive to the next town over to drop DH at work.

We got rid of a car recently and it was brilliant-we could easily share one, but DH works from home and DC like getting the bus everywhere now they are older. It wouldn’t have worked at all when they were little, before DH could WFH. It doesn’t sound like it would work for you either. When she says that-point out all the reasons you gave here-all of them, every time!!

Do you drive to see her? If so, point that out as well!

Shes jealous x

work out how much it cost you last year and divide it into weeks and show her the cost.

insurance
road tax
mot
repairs
service.
home street parking permit if required
divide by 52 weeks and see how horrific it is. Noting this doesn’t include consumables like oil, petrol etc. and they are extra.

or look at the mileage and see how much you did last year and divide the cost by the miles to see how much it is per mile of average use, again not including petrol unless you happen to know how much you use.

by the first method, mine cost me £1400 last year as i needed things replaced. excluding petrol and oil (it drinks a lot of it) so £27 a week i think. but the new tyres will last three or four years.

Do you moan about not having money to her

But why should she need to? She’s an adult and doesn’t need to explain anything.

This would drive (pardon the pun) me mad and I’d be no longer telling her any details of my life.

No, it just comes up in conversation. The latest one was I’d seen a house I liked and we’d been discussing whether we could be bothered with the hassle of moving or not.

The thing is I’ve always been mad about driving, I had my first lesson on my 17th birthday, I took extra lessons with the Institute of Advanced Motorists when I got my first car, if we go anywhere I’m always the designated driver.

I bet she doesn't drive and needs lifts from you to get to places

I bet she doesn't drive and needs lifts from you to get to places

@2ndcarowner I assume your mother doesn't drive.

MIL once trotted out that it was a luxurious privilege for me to have my own car. Yes, said I, and a privilege I've had since I was 18. When DH has his parked at work, how do you think I will do the school runs, big heavy supermarket shops, activities adter school when the dc are in opposite directions, let alone visit you 250 miles away and go on holiday. DH had a GWizz at the time.

It's got nothing to do with her. Just say, 'I don't want to get rid of my car' and cut it off.
What's the worst that could happen?

She does drive but she’s a terrible driver with no confidence, if she drives to the supermarket and ‘her’ space isn’t free she’ll just drive home again. Luckily she lives far far away so not lifts from me!

I do say that, over and over again. It’s starting to get tedious. I think she’s decided in her mind that getting rid of my car would be the answer to a problem that doesn’t exist, so she’s decided I should be working towards that goal at every opportunity!

Did you has only one car growing up, or for a lot of your childhood?

DHs family did because mil didn’t work. Buses were relatively cheaper and everything she needed was walking distance. A second car was a luxury they only got when they had more money. I grew up only remembering 2 cars because I was about 6 when my mum went back to work full time and they needed 2 cars to both get to work.

if in your mums mind, 1 car is normal for a family with small children, and also as she’s now older, I assume no mortgage, bills and food only for her and possibly your dad too, if she needs to go somewhere, public transport would only be for one older adult - she probably thinks her car is a big expense for her budget, if you could cope without one it would save a lot of money.

She probably thinks if you could change your life to only need one car you’d be better off significantly, not that he wouldn’t save you much and just make life harder.

if it helps, I had the opposite - we dropped to one car when dh was permanently working from home and we’d confirmed both dcs would be in secondary school they could get to on public transport. Because my parents were used to having two cars, they find it odd we can cope with just one. Dad seemed positively relieved when I said I was going to look to get a car this year before dc1 turns 17 (we only have an automatic and wanted to have a cheap manual for him to learn on). Seems having two cars is the right number.

Tell her you don’t want any more comments about you car. None. Zero. Make it clear. Then move on.
if she tries to mention it, disengage.

Tell her you'll try a drive - free week so won't be able to go see her..

What a silly cow, no offence.

Don't know what to do about someone who will not be told no thank you. Starts getting into 'fuck off' territory really.

Did she have a one car household?! I find some parents get really funny about anything being different from when they did it.

Yes, we were a one car household growing up, usually something the size of a fiat 500 with 2 doors (Fiat Cinquicento I think), my parents have always been the ‘make do with the bare minimum’ types, which is probably why as an adult I’ve always wanted convenience over bare minimum. I think posting on mumsnet is one step off telling her to fuck off 🤣

If it was me I'd be saying mum, how much do you think my car is worth? Why are you obsessed with me giving up my car?

Yeah my mother-in-law won't stop making the same helpful suggestions re finance or life in general either. It really pisses me off tbh as the implication is that, despite being a full grown adult who's generally done pretty well at life despite a not-great start, I'm still a fucking idiot that can't think of these things for myself and so need the advice of somebody who's been pretty much carried through life (and still managed to cock it up in many respects). We have had car-related stuff but the latest thing is that we should definitely buy a little holiday home somewhere warm, like the south of France. Funnily enough she always wanted one herself. Despite me explaining many times the many reasons why I have no desire to take such a course of action, it still comes up every. Single. Time.

Next time she goes on about it, ask her why she wants you to give up your car, but not your DH's car? Why does she think you should be the one to go without and not him?

Tbh it sounds like she’s deliberately winding you up.

Does she have form?