Is this rude and would you end a friendship over it?

[Chocaholick]

Not dramatically, more just a gentle ‘let go’ thing, because I’m wondering if it’s run its course.

My friend and I have been very close since age 10, have weathered all the storms together, she’s the funniest person I’ve ever met and we just generally click.

She got married 3 years ago, I already had 2 children at that point. But since then it’s like she’s withdrawing from me. She takes ages to reply, often cancels plans to meet up, and when we do agree something I get messages asking to meet later, or to convert it from an overnight to an afternoon thing.

She and her husband were supposed to stay with us this weekend, we’ve had it planned for months. A few days ago I got a text saying they needed to stay home on Saturday so could they just come for Sunday. I said ok, annoyed as I had cancelled much needed overtime to spend the weekend with them. Then last night ‘can we come at lunchtime rather than the morning’. Yes that’s fine. Now I’ve just received a text saying they’ll be an hour late. No apology or reason.

I’m fed up now. I have 2 small children, a full time job, a dog and a disability and yet I make time for her and am ‘hosting’ today (she doesn’t really do this). I’ve spent a small fortune on food and drinks which now probably won’t be needed.

I know I’ll be told to have it out with her, but I just get the feeling there’s nothing up per se, she’s just become a bit inconsiderate. I have noticed some friends think because I have kids now, I’m transformed into a maternal Mother Theresa type who just wants to give give give and host them while they carry on a fun party lifestyle. Like I have nothing better to do than sit at home waiting for them to get in touch.

Just a moan really but would you call time on this one?

I have lost a 'good' friend in a similar way. Her needs were always greater. She was definitely coming for the weekend but then at the last minute didn't. The last time they were supposed to visit I didn't food shop as I knew they wouldn't come. We did sort of have it out but the friendship never recovered. I think I got to a point where I had lots to deal with in my own life and no longer had the energy to prioritise her. She wasn't about to fit around me as I had done for her

No more invitations. You deserve better.

Hi OP. What had she been up to for the rest of the weekend when she visited? Wondering what the reason was that the visit was cut so short and they messed you about on timings. If it was for example because they were caring for a sick relative or had a hospital appointment or something that's a bit out of control then I think ok to cut some slack...but if just because they fancied doing something else last minute or had a better offer, then I don't think being constantly messed around and let down is worth a few fun hours occasionally

YANBU, and I don't think you're overreacting to call this pattern out for what it is. One cancellation or reschedule is life happening. A steady drift of shrinking commitments — overnight to afternoon, morning to lunchtime, then an hour late with no apology or explanation — especially after you've cancelled paid overtime and spent money on food for the original plan, is a pattern, not bad luck.

The bit that stands out most is the total lack of acknowledgment. Each message treats the changes as no big deal, with no "sorry for messing you about" or recognition of what you've given up to accommodate it. That's the inconsiderate part, more than the changes themselves — plans shift, but a good friend usually notices and says so.

I also think you've put your finger on something real with the "maternal Mother Theresa" comment — it's a common dynamic where friends without kids can end up assuming the parent friend has infinite flexibility and no life of her own to protect, simply because she's not out doing the same things they are. Having children, a job, a disability, and a dog doesn't make your time or effort less valuable or less finite than hers.

On whether to end it: you don't need a dramatic falling out to let a friendship quietly cool. If your gut says "run its course" rather than "there's an active problem to solve," you're allowed to trust that. You could have a low-key conversation if you wanted one last honest check-in ("I've noticed plans keep shrinking and changing last minute, is everything ok?") — but you're equally entitled to just let your own effort match hers going forward, rather than continuing to be the one doing all the giving.

Thirty years of history is worth something, but it doesn't obligate you to keep absorbing one-sided inconvenience indefinitely.