AIBU to want family photo on display?

[Notsohappyfamily]

AIBU or is DH?

Grandparent's (my side) are coming for Sunday lunch tomorrow. For Christmas, they gifted us an (albeit horrific) picture of us taken on their OAP mobile phone last year at a family event. They’ve had it scaled up to about 30cm, had it printed and put in a ‘nice’ frame.

DH hates it, says it creeps him out (we do look a bit startled, blurry and scary)so, ever since we brought it home we didn’t put it on display.

I just said that as they’re coming for lunch tomorrow we should pop it on display. DH says absolutely not, we are being insincere by pretending to like it, only doing it so they don’t huff at the fact it’s not displayed and thinks I’m too much of a people pleaser!

AIBU to think it is just a nice thing to do? They’re in their late 80s, went to a lot of effort to get us a thoughtful gift and it’s just the ‘right’ thing to do to have it on display for a couple of hours?

I’m with you. It was a thoughtful gift and causes minimal issue to your husband for it to be up for one afternoon. Tell him to get a grip, pop it on the windowsill and ignore him being a brat about it.

I would put it up too. Without a doubt.

Team DH.

I’m with your DH: just don’t mention it

Who cares if it feels insincere, you’ll make two people very happy, at no expense or effort to yourselves. He can have it down again as you wave them off. I can’t believe that argument would even have two sides 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 hours of people pleasing, avoids many hours of upset.

We usually place ornaments or pictures we don’t like but received as gifts on the window sill in the bathroom / Toilet. Displayed but out-of-general site.

Of course you should put it up.

How is it hurting your husband to have it up for a couple of hours?

It's a small thing to do to make your grandparents happy.

Put it behind him so they can see it and he isn't looking at it. Compromise with the brat. If he understands such a thing. I'd be having a word with him about respect.

I’m on your side.

These are your bloody elderly grandparents, who clearly have love to you and you to them! If my husband wanted to make any kind of commentary about my failings as a personality or a statement of ‘free will’ prowess against my elderly grandparents, I’d let him know I was struggling to respect him or his conduct.

Just to clarify, it’s going up and he has said he “won’t get in the way if that’s what I really think is the right thing to do”.

I was more curious to see how people felt about it and whether I am this awful people pleasing insincere person it’s made me feel. This can be a hot topic of disagreements for us as I often feel like we (people) should do kind things to make others happy which may potentially be at our detriment.

I’m a crippling people pleaser, I will out myself out hugely in order to facilitate someone else. But this really isn’t that scenario at all, it’s not imposing anything on either of you.

Bloody hell put the photo up and tell them how lovely a gift it was.

People pleasing because you’re a bit of a wuss is one thing, but doing something which makes elderly, kindly relatives, with not many more years left, feel warm and appreciated is something entirely different. Team photo.

I think it would be different if it were from your parents, then you’d be stuck with the charade for decades! But for your grandparents it would mean a lot. They won’t be around forever and no matter how atrocious you think the picture is, in their eyes you will look absolutely beautiful on it!

(Eta: You’ll look beautiful because you’re their precious granddaughter, not because they’re old and have poor eyesight!)

I’d be telling your husband that you’re very comfortable standing up to him and telling him what your expectations and boundaries are, why is he so keen to tell you what you should be doing? Is it only people pleasing if he’s not happy with the outcome?

Ah put it up, it will make them happy.

Because he doesn't like it. Why would I want to put up a horrible family photo that they all clearly don't like.

Just tell her grandparents they haven't put them up simple. Once you put it up now you have to do it every time they come over.

Imagine someone giving you a blown up horrible picture like this and insisting that you just put it up to please them, no.

Yanbu, I'd put it up

You description of said photo really tickled me lol

Of course you put it up. Any discomfort on his part is minimal compared to the pleasure it will give them.

The GPs aren't insisting that it's put up. OP just wants to do a nice thing for them.

They're elderly, they love her, and however poorly it might have been executed, they put thought and effort into that gift. They think the photo is lovely because they love the people in it, and OP loves them.

It's all fine they love each other, still doesn't mean she has to put up the photo especially when the GP are not even expecting it. If she wants to that's obviously fine but even her description of the photo says how she feels about it and she doesn't get to force it down the whole family.

Not putting the picture up doesn't suddenly mean she doesn't love her GPs anymore.

And as I said once you've put up the photo it's actually harder to then explain you not having it up later because she said she only wants to put it up temporarily. Does this mean she will put it up every time they visit and then take it down?

It’s such a simple thing to do and will make an old couple happy

def put the pic on display

you can remove it when they go

she doesn't get to force it down the whole family.

"Force it down" them? If OP 's family are going to be traumatised by a photo being on display for two hours to make the grandparents/great grandparents happy, that's a whole level of snowflakeing that they should be thoroughly ashamed of. Or else get therapy.

Can you photo edit it to make it clearer ? Lots of apps can help with that, Google phones do it or ChatGPT AI.