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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want family photo on display?

64 replies

Notsohappyfamily · 11/04/2026 22:13

AIBU or is DH?

Grandparent's (my side) are coming for Sunday lunch tomorrow. For Christmas, they gifted us an (albeit horrific) picture of us taken on their OAP mobile phone last year at a family event. They’ve had it scaled up to about 30cm, had it printed and put in a ‘nice’ frame.

DH hates it, says it creeps him out (we do look a bit startled, blurry and scary)so, ever since we brought it home we didn’t put it on display.

I just said that as they’re coming for lunch tomorrow we should pop it on display. DH says absolutely not, we are being insincere by pretending to like it, only doing it so they don’t huff at the fact it’s not displayed and thinks I’m too much of a people pleaser!

AIBU to think it is just a nice thing to do? They’re in their late 80s, went to a lot of effort to get us a thoughtful gift and it’s just the ‘right’ thing to do to have it on display for a couple of hours?

OP posts:
hahabahbag · 12/04/2026 17:40

Put it up, put it away afterwards, no harm done

Mumoftwoandcats · 12/04/2026 17:46

Display it until they're gone. It's a nice thing to do.

Flowersandfauna · 12/04/2026 17:47

I’d put it up for a few hours. Why not?

k8jr · 12/04/2026 18:27

I'd definitely put it up. Such a sweet gesture on their part, even if it didn't quite work out.
Why potentially upset them if you could completely avoid it? Your husband can surely suck it up and cope with having it on display for their visit!

Mandaxx25 · 12/04/2026 18:32

Oh for goodness sake your husband needs to wise up.

CurlewKate · 12/04/2026 18:33

Of course put it up. He is being a git.

Mandaxx25 · 12/04/2026 18:35

MyLuckyHelper · 11/04/2026 22:28

I’m a crippling people pleaser, I will out myself out hugely in order to facilitate someone else. But this really isn’t that scenario at all, it’s not imposing anything on either of you.

Me too. I feel in a real slump because I have very few friends and go out of my way to be good to them but they don't even care about me. I asked to do something for my 40th in October and got told they're too busy. So I'm doing very little for them going forward until they realise.

Coconutter24 · 12/04/2026 18:38

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 11/04/2026 22:36

I’d be telling your husband that you’re very comfortable standing up to him and telling him what your expectations and boundaries are, why is he so keen to tell you what you should be doing? Is it only people pleasing if he’s not happy with the outcome?

He hasn’t said OP can’t put the picture up

Rainbowdottie · 12/04/2026 18:38

In answer to your question, no I don’t think it’s awful people pleasing. I’m a recovering people pleaser and I recognise one when I see one! You’re just doing a nice thing for your elderly grandparents. Love them and appreciate them whilst they’re here. You’re not doing anything wrong, you want to put it out. In my opinion people pleasing is doing things you don’t want to do to keep other people happy. Yes you’re putting it out to keep them happy but I’m under the impression you want to do that and you want to show them love and kindness.

Tryagain26 · 12/04/2026 18:45

Notmyreality · 11/04/2026 22:18

Team DH.

But why?
What's wrong with making two older people happy who went to a lot of trouble to give a gift that might have missed the mark but was very thoughtful.
Who does it hurt to display it while they are there?
Sometimes there is no need to be brutally honest.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/04/2026 18:49

You are right. It's a small thing to do to be polite.

MyLuckyHelper · 12/04/2026 18:51

@Ilovelifeverymuch ”force it down the whole family”

really, genuinely…do you mean that?

If so that is the biggest attempt to be contrary I’ve ever seen. It’s a blurry photo up in the corner for approx 2 hours. You don’t have to look at it, draw attention to it. It’s just there. Best case Grandparents may notice it and feel warm and fuzzy inside, worst case no one notices it and it was a waste of time bothering but quite literally no harm done.

nutbrownhare15 · 12/04/2026 18:53

It's a couple of hours to make them happy. Doesn't matter if it's insincere on this occasion. It's your relatives so I'd ignore him

Tableforjoan · 12/04/2026 18:58

I’d probably pop it on the console table in the entrance so it’s there as they walk in but not something I even have to look at. Then back away once they leave.

We have this wooden ornament kind of thing that says love this home on it but hidden on ours currently mil got us and made a big song and dance out of. It will be filed away in the shed (bin) in another couple of months 😅

HatStickBoots · 12/04/2026 19:09

Yes, I’d put the photo out for them to see. I think it’s sweet and it’s a show of love for them which means so much.

Lobsterchops · 12/04/2026 20:15

'tis a nice thing to do for an old couple. What a fuss - put yourself in the old folks' shoes - says a lot about OH

RawBloomers · 12/04/2026 20:19

YANBU Your DH’s position isn’t unreasonable either, but your grandparents, your choice.

If you are often doing things to “be kind” that are detrimental to you and your family (as one of your posts suggests) then I can see why your DH might be frustrated with you and want to put up a hard boundary. But in this case he’s over reacting. There’s nothing detrimental to you or DH about displaying the photo for an afternoon. Even if it encourages them to send you more photos you don’t really want, you can easily handle that without any real cost.

Wildefish · 12/04/2026 20:25

Notsohappyfamily · 11/04/2026 22:13

AIBU or is DH?

Grandparent's (my side) are coming for Sunday lunch tomorrow. For Christmas, they gifted us an (albeit horrific) picture of us taken on their OAP mobile phone last year at a family event. They’ve had it scaled up to about 30cm, had it printed and put in a ‘nice’ frame.

DH hates it, says it creeps him out (we do look a bit startled, blurry and scary)so, ever since we brought it home we didn’t put it on display.

I just said that as they’re coming for lunch tomorrow we should pop it on display. DH says absolutely not, we are being insincere by pretending to like it, only doing it so they don’t huff at the fact it’s not displayed and thinks I’m too much of a people pleaser!

AIBU to think it is just a nice thing to do? They’re in their late 80s, went to a lot of effort to get us a thoughtful gift and it’s just the ‘right’ thing to do to have it on display for a couple of hours?

It’s not people pleasing, it’s being polite!

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 12/04/2026 20:42

There’s no ‘right’ answer here.
Your DH doesn’t want to be fake in his own home and I guess he has a right to feel like that if the photo is on display.
Yes you might be people pleasing but these are two elderly people who have give you something meaningful to them and I would be the same as you and not want to hurt their feelings. I think it’s polite to put it out but I would maybe put it somewhere not so obvious like a hallway or something?

A couple of hrs with it out is not going to hurt your husband and they may never notice but if they do- I’m sure it would make them happy. Your priorities are their feelings whereas his are about honesty. I know what I’d rather.
I guess I’m a people pleaser too!!

Endorewitch · 12/04/2026 21:39

I canbot believe people on this thread are telling you not to put it up!You are being thoughtful and kind. Not a people pleaser.
Your husbabd has no empathy.
Put it up and make 2 grand parents happy. You obviously love them and they love you.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 12/04/2026 23:18

Sounds as though your hudband is prone to Adukt Tiddler Tantrums. You know when toddlers who can get get their own way.
Sulk, scream out of control Then end up pissing in their shies. Just ignore him. He needs to grow up

Wieralmostthere · 13/04/2026 01:34

Might be nice to have a family photo taken WITH your grandparents to replace it, and then you can display it all the time. x

Classiclines · 13/04/2026 01:46

I definitely agree with your DH.

I had an unhappy relationship with my parents. When my DS was very young my DH and I did take him to stay with them on a couple of occasions so he could have a relationship with his grandparents. When we went they always had quite a few photos on display of my DS and of me. Which always surprised me because I was considered the black sheep of the family. Then I discovered that these photos were only put out for the visit. The rest of the year they had photos of my siblings and their families up as their normal.display.

I can't tell you how I upset I felt. It wasnt so much the hurt of them not having our photos up normally - that didn't surprise me. It was the deception and the deceit of pretending that really stung. And so i agree with your DH it's the two faced pretence that is so unattractive about putting up this photo just for their visit that sticks in the throat.

hellomylov3 · 13/04/2026 03:40

Your GPS probably think it's the most perfect picture ever. I don't think you're wrong to people please in this scenario. And at least it will only be up a few hours!

Bobloblawww · 13/04/2026 04:27

This is one of the instances in life where it costs you nothing to bring joy to someone else. Your H is being an arse.