To be surprised that some people find high levels of saving hard to believe?

[BeMauveMentor]

The thing that surprises me most about money threads on here is that some people seem to find it unbelievable that others can, and do, save quite a lot of money. I’m not sure if it’s because people assume everyone spends roughly in line with their salary, so there isn’t much left over regardless of income or whether it’s just not always obvious how much others might be earning. I suppose if your own circle isn’t very varied in terms of careers and income levels, it’s easy to assume most people are in a similar position.

AIBU to be surprised by that? I really don’t think it’s a normal way to think.

I do find it odd that people find it surprising or are unable to comprehend that people have different lives, expenses, spending and saving habits.

People should make sure they have at least 500,000 to fall back on, anything less is churlish.

I put £5k per month into my pension. I live in a very average semi detached house. None of my neighbours would have the slightest clue what sort of salary I earn.

I never talk about money to other people. I don’t lead a typical lifestyle of someone on my salary in part because I don’t crave validation from others.

My main goal is to retire as soon as I can afford to while still having sufficient funds to continue to provide support for my 5 year old DS until he’s an adult.

I think you’re either a spender or a saver combined with being a worrier or an optimist.

Generally I’m a spender and an optimist, which means (obvs) I’m a total spendthrift but also I firmly believe things will work out. So I believe - absolutely that in the event of job loss, sickness, disaster, whatever, DH and I will work it out. We both have a supreme confidence that even if we lost everything we could earn it again.

I now earn very well but truthfully the primary reason we have investments/pension/savings is I’ve been shamed by my financial advisor to do better so as a result I have plenty put away but my default is always live for the day and left to my own devices I’d still be spending it all every month.

You have an MBA? Are you in the UK? You surely did the ROI calculation on that and realised something, right?

We have never lived up to our income and once the mortgage was paid off it continued to build up. But we don't talk about it much, though my sister and I do a little. She's in the same position. Neither of us have children so several charities will hopefully benefit in due course.

My money isn’t in the bank. It’s on the stock market in tax wrappers where possible (pension, ISA, SPIB), and held unwrapped when there’s no tax planning left (GIA).
Yes I have a bit in the bank, but even my cash within my business is held with a cash consolidator so I can get money market rates. My investments made more than most people earn this year. So yes, money makes more money.

I will give most of my money away, but in the meantime I spend on holidays and own an expensive house to run. I don’t have the trappings of the very rich (no second home, no plane, no boat, no horses, never paid school fees), but have a super nice life and both DH and I have big jobs.

I don’t tend to talk about finances with friends. Online is fine as as it’s anonymous.
But I did have an interesting conversation with an old friend recently.
She is very open and quite competitive. I do love her very much. She’s a spender, open hearted and generous and live for the moment. In the nearly 40 years I’ve known her she has been impulsive and image conscious. Clothes, cars, holidays, jewellery, fancy gym.
We meet up a couple of times a year and were talking about pensions and retirement. She loves that she earns more than me and on the surface is much better off.
It transpired that she has a tiny pension pot, zero savings, rents. She has divorced her 2nd husband who had huge inheritance expectations and that had been her plan. Now she’s marrying again to someone with nothing after his own divorce and is an average earner.
I suggested she start saving as her job is not secure and she would like to retire in the next few years and she was very resistant. Ended up just saying something would turn up and life is too short. She is taking out a loan for her big wedding…
She thinks I’m boring for having a big pension and savings and my own small house paid off. That it’s pointless as the government will take it all anyway and give enough money if you need it.
Some people just prefer to live for now. In my friend’s situation I think there comes a point where it feels unachievable so why bother.

I save a lot, but to other people I probably seem to spend a lot too, and they'll be putting their own filter on it.

The friends who spend a minimum of £3k on a week away probably look at us going away for 9 holidays in a year and think we spent five figures.

But we used have a benchmark of £250 for flights and accommodation each for a week in Europe. Our nine trips might have had the same base cost pp as their one trip.

(Ditto with weddings - we spent about 13k on a DIY wedding where we fed and boozed everyone for free all weekend. But people probably didn't mentally deduct the costs of us now having cars or a photographer etc)

YANBU so many people surprised that you take the savings off and then live off what is left. Rather than see what is left at the end of the month.
Also if people saying they have no money left after essentials but then list several things that are not essential. If you point this out then people are “what’s the point of life if you can’t treat yourself a little” “I consider that essential” not prepared to do any prepping or compromising to save.

Most people on MN are at the most stretched point in their lives: maternity leave, childcare, children’s upkeep, still relatively young so early on earnings ladder, etc.

I had no savings until I was late 40s. Income had gone up, then in my mid-late 50s mortgage paid off so more savings possible.

I just think how much must someone be earning to counteract all the house maintenance and breakages and still have savings. My car alone cost me over 3k in maintenance last year. Then I needed a new boiler.
Everything I try and put aside gets eaten up. My oven is on it's way out now.

It's painfully obvious that people like the OP have never been on the breadline. That must be nice.

This

tbh I think once you have a decent sum…maybe 20-30k management from there on is easier…if you consistently add to it and then are only taking from it in true emergencies etc it stays pretty high. But yes it’s getting to that point in the first place

I an much more surprised at the rate people spend money rather than the rate they save it.

Been a terrible saver all
my Life . spend what I earn. Just started to
Save this year for new bathroom. Have had to dip into it twice now and it’s so frustrating. I have started
to really enjoy putting the money away. I think it’s when it’s small amounts to save it’s not good but when I have hundreds of pounds a month put away and I make it to the next month it felt quite good. I have saved £2k since January and I swear this is unheard of for me, so yeah I understand why people can’t do it.

Sone of us may not have cars. As I live in a city.
and the flat I bought 27 years ago I am still in and needs minimal maintenance-replaced kitchen items once and that’s about it. (Yes I pay £1300 pa for the flat service charge which covers insurance and gardening and other costs I avoid paying directly)

check your privilege
humble yourself. There really are people out there living hand to mouth

Yes I have an MBA. I didn’t pay for it as I work in a Uni, and it’s often offered as CPD. I wouldn’t have paid for it, as you don’t see the return, working in HE.

Yes we’re about 10 years younger than you, and DH and DBro both started working in tech just before Boo.com collapsed so caught the tail end of it.

DH has worked for plenty of start ups since, and the “woohoo let’s blow all of our VC funding on weekly all-office nights out in Nobu” attitude is still very prevalent. Easy to transfer that to your own finances if you aren’t careful.

I think you've missed the OP's point a bit. It's not the fact that other people might have many/no savings she finds weird. It's the way posters refuse to believe that other people's circumstances could be in any way different to theirs.

I completely agree with OP - it drives me mad on here when people say 'Well I don't know anyone who....' or 'Nobody in my circle.....' whether that's earns more/less than x amount, or has more/less than x amount in savings, or more tangential like 'has/doesn't have a cleaner' 'has been/never been abroad' 'went to private school' 'has/doesn't have at least 1 holiday a year,' etc.

Firstly, we don't actually KNOW the intimate financial details of everyone we've ever met - or even our closest friends and family. We might think we can make an educated guess, but we don't actually KNOW. I know for a fact my friends would be completely surprised at some of my circumstances.

Secondly, even if you could say with complete confidence about the people you know well, your 'circle' comprises about 0.000001% of the UK population. It doesn't mean anything.

That's what OP is saying. Essentially you're actually agreeing with her - people shouldn't be surprised that other people's lives are very different to theirs, and just because they don't have savings doesn't mean nobody does!

Agree OP. I was literally told on here I must be lying when I gave the exact figures to describe how I saved to afford to buy a house by myself in my 20s while working a fairly low paid job. I mean, why would I? Nobody knows me, it wasn't like I was expecting internet kudos!

There was also a thread on here last week that was really weird - the OP had a colleague who seemed to have a lot of disposable income and told OP she hated the idea of debt, and people were falling over themselves to call her a liar, an unfeeling cow, rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate, completely out of touch - despite the fact that OP clearly said it was HER that started these conversations not the colleague bragging about it apropos of nothing. Even more bizarre were the posters saying with all seriousness that the colleague must be selling drugs or on only fans or whatever rather than just accepting she might have other sources of income (e.g. well paid partner, inheritance, side gig) or just be good with money!

I think it's jealousy, or a way of justifying their own decisions. If you tell yourself nobody apart from the very wealthy can afford to save (or buy a house, new car, retire early, etc.) then you're not at fault for not doing it yourself. The irony is I would never judge anyone else for how little savings they have for lots of reasons - because I fully understand that for some people it's impossible no matter how hard they work or financially prudent they are, or because they have a 'live for today' philosophy, or whatever - but mainly because I just don't really care! Other people's money is none of my business. But it's seen as fine to judge and make assumptions in the other direction....

I've always been a saver (even when I was on the bones of my arse I put something away each month towards car expenses, Christmas, birthdays etc) so I am astounded when colleagues moan every year that they're skint after Christmas, or that they've had to fork out for car expenses after the MOT. It shocks me too that folk spend so much on crap yet moan that they can't have a holiday (see £££ on hen parties/baby showers/drinks every weekend at £9+ a glass) or have car finance for massive cars to commute a few miles to work/trundle the kids around in and can't afford to save for a house deposit. I've seen this across all sorts of households and income levels, not just the young families who you'd think wouldn't have any cash spare

I'm a saver, always have been. If I want something I'll save up for it, then search like mad to see if I can get a bargain.

What does this even mean? Duly paying lip service fealty to said people in every conversation? Limiting the breadth of discussion on Mumsnet, as if those triggered by the concept of other people having more money than them are required to read and engage with threads they cannot relate to?

Humble yourself. Neither mumsnet nor the world revolves around your personal sensibilities.