How to reduce risk to my DC?

[Neighbours631]

Can I have realistic advice rather than usual AIBU bs from a few people please? I was SA’d as a child by someone my family knew and now as an adult I know so many people who were also SA’d by neighbours, family friends etc. So please let’s be clear this does happen and I’m not being overly dramatic.

Knowing all this how can I avoid my DC going through the same fate? We moved into a cul-de-sac about 2 years ago and lots of neighbourhood kids play together which I like but there is zero safeguarding in place. A three year old little girl is constantly in her own. She has come into my garden a few times and I let her play with my kids, a few times she’s asked if she can play in my house which I clearly have told all the kids no they cannot play in my house and only in the garden. I have told my kids under no circumstances to go into anyone’s home but only play in the garden where I can see/hear them. The houses here have very small fences so I can see the kids playing whilst I’m sat in my garden.

Issue now is the parents are encouraging the kids to go into their homes when it’s cold. I don’t like this and have t said anything to the parents - should I? I’m worried about sounding crazy or them feeling I’m accusing them of something, so again how can I keep my Dc safe? I don’t allow youngest to play anywhere without me but eldest I’ve recent given more freedom to.

On a side note I feel the 3 year olds mum/dad are crap, anything could happen to that poor baby.

One thing to keep in mind.

Things hit headlines because they’re rare. Not because they’re common.

The daggers to children are roads, traffic, when they’re slightly older drugs and alcohol. Not friends parents.

It might be worth looking into some counselling to help you calibrate where normal is.

Does your 9 year old go on playdates with school friends. OP. It's a hard one to balance. You dont want them left out either. But the 3 year old is def a case of neglect, I would be calling SS.

Thank you everyone. Yes she does have play dates with school friends and this year it’s been drop off rather than be staying but I’m completely fine with this and don’t worry as I know the mums really well and I know where my child will be however with the neighbourhood kids I don’t like it as they wander from house to house rather than stay put in one location.

What do you want her to do when everyone else goes into the house? Because that is leaving her on her own and having to make her way back home.

Your rule doesn’t make sense because she follows it she is putting herself in a situation you don’t want her to be in (and one you have indicated is unsafe) she doesn’t follow it she is on her own which presumably is something you have also told her not to do and also renders her unsafe

so she and you are stuck you have to let her grow but you are concerned she is naive in part due to you being so anxious and concerned

I think you need to start trusting her and give her rules she can work with

So you’re not going to contact SS about the toddler wandering around unaccompanied?

And you’re still going to allow your 9 year old out despite her demonstrating to you that despite you saying not to go in to others homes - she did anyway?

This is a really good idea.

If she been told that she is only allowed to play out if she doesn’t go into other people’s houses and she doesn’t follow this rule then she doesn’t get to play out anymore.

If she can’t be relied upon to follow rules you set for her when you’re not there to enforce them then she’s not ready to play out on her own yet.

Exactly

The 9 year old has demonstrated she isn’t ready to be trusted with playing out independently yet

See this is what I don’t understand - you allow your DD to go on play dates because you ‘know’ the mums. You have absolutely no idea what really goes on behind anyone’s door regardless of whether you have had chats, been for dinner, been on holiday whatever. Paedophiles are charming and adept and making you comfortable. so by your logic she should not be going anywhere without you and where you can see her the whole time,

however that sounds like a pretty miserable childhood to me so i think it might be a good idea for you to get some counselling and allow her to have her own childhood experiences unencumbered by what happened to you.

I don't think it's on other people to respect your wishes, they are not your child's babysitter, I presume they are not specifically inviting them over either. It's your child who has to listen to you, and if she doesn't, keep her at home.

There isn't any safeguarding in place because everyone knows others in the neighbourhood and is ok with their child going into others' homes. There doesn't need to be safeguarding in place. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting your child to join in with this, but it's up to YOU to enforce her rules, not the other parents. If you don't want her going into other's homes, either enforce that on her, or be there with her when she is playing out.

I would say you are being underprotective and absolutely not over protectove.

Allowing your 9 year old out unsupervised? Knowing that your 9 year old doesn’t stick to your rules whilst out? Doing squat all about the neighbour’s toddler roaming the streets unsupervised?

Totally alien way of parenting to me, and I dont have the history you have

but I feel the parents are not respecting my wishes

no words