DH and work trips

[cinderswithahorse]

I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable but my dh’s job allows for lots of work trips overseas - usually in nice places. I’m just starting to feel a bit put out. No younger children for me to care for and Dd still at home but how many is too many?

What do you mean ‘allows for’?

Are they not part of his job? The way you’ve phrased it sounds an unrelated jolly. Many would consider it a bonus (if you enjoy travel), others won’t. Personally I love an overseas work trip, as it makes a change. Often no time for sightseeing etc, so it’s not really a holiday.

Depends whether it’s a requirement to go. I wouldn’t really mind twice a month for a few days. I quite like my Dh going away especially as I also don’t have young dc .

What do you mean, how many is too many? For what? You to tolerate? If it’s his job, then it’s his job.

You've not been very clear here OP.

Are the trips necessary?

If so there's no such thing as too many, if it's all part of his job.

Eh? What do you mean? Do you mean you don’t want him to be happy? Do you mean he doesn’t get paid for this and your finances are thus tight with you contributing more? What? Basically, in your op you haven’t detailed at all why you don’t like it.

Is there any potential for you to go on some? I have to go away for work sometimes and the rule is that family can come s long as we pay for any of the extras that wouldn’t need to be covered by the company. So if I have a hotel room anyway, the company don’t care how many people I have sleeping in it. I also obviously have to ensure I’m available to do the work, but outside of that can do what I want with my time,

What exactly is your question or what is unreasonable about your husband going on work trips?

Are you so passive? Because I can't work out what your issue is, so there is a good chance your husband can't!

Can you not tag along? Book your own flight etc, can you not book a trip away yourself?

Are you expecting your husband to ask you to go with him

What exactly do you want?

Its part of his job, i dont get what your saying.

My DH rags along on my better work trips. Could you do the same?

Depends what you mean by “allows for”.

If you mean they pay him to go wherever he fancies and pay for it, and he’s choosing to go, then I can see the annoyance.

If you mean he has work trips, that form part of his job, and they just happen to be in nice places then you are unreasonable.

Well how often does he go away, and how long for? How old is DD?

Academic? Depends if they are an invited guest so getting a fee or just a “conference delegate” which generally took place in ski resorts, touristy places out of season or at least places with nice drinking establishments. Yes annoyed me until dc were old enough to be left at home then I’d go, cost just the airfare. We split up and it’s one of the things i missed.

He’s clearly going abroad to work, but you make it sound like he’s on a holiday.

How many is too many? Anymore than the business needs is too many.

I have to work away once a month. it was a novelty at first, but now it's a total ballache and I'd rather just be at home. I don't get any spare time when im away because it's work.

If it is a similar situation with your DH, you're probably being unreasonable

My DH has worked away most of our marriage - he would much rather be at home and often was sad he missed out on time with our kids. If he's working, he's not away on a jolly!

@cinderswithahorse any chance of an update?????

Your husbands work requires him to go abroad and you are sulking? Grow up

Why don’t you go with him? My DH travels a lot for work and when I can sort out childcare I go with him. I pay my ticket and stay with him in his hotel room (paid by his job). He also expenses some of our dinners (his portion) and we share the rest.

Ask to go along to a couple! I would.
Also it would be good to note that the reality of business trips are in fact lonely and living in a hotel room with the odd meal out. You big them up on the return but you miss your family.

I think, as with so many things, it’s a conversation with your husband. Does he understand how you feel, are the trips mandatory? It may well be that he only ever sees the inside of the meeting room and his hotel room, even in the nice places.

Context matters here as well - do you think there’s more going on? Is your husband the main or sole breadwinner?

In my last job I sat on the exec committee of our company and had to travel to Paris twice a month for exco meetings. My husband didn’t like it but unfortunately I didn’t have a choice. I tried really hard to minimise travel and managed to avoid India and China. But the Paris stuff was non-negotiable. However ultimately I liked my job and we needed the money. I did get to
eat in some nice restaurants but most trips were not glamorous.

Can you explain better, what do you mean allows for, is he going on holiday, or are these work trips. If it’s the former, then too many I guess depends on your marriage, if it’s work trips then it’s his job.

do you not have friends of your own to go and do stuff with?

Oh god don’t do this, it’s utterly cringe, I’d hate it if my husband came with me on my work trips.

You could always get a new job that allows for travel abroad too.

Ok most of these comments are helpful thank you. No for a number of reasons I can’t go. They’re connected with work but not essential. I guess I feel left out.